THEY EAT THEIR YOUNG!
A Comprehensive Guide To: The Mindless Meanderings and Fecund Ramblings Of:
A Small But Intrusive Artificial Stupidity Simulation On:
Aspects of That Enviroment Within Which It Dwells, i.e.:
THE WORLD WIDE WEB
1.Jeff's Farm: This guy is the only sane entity I have yet encountered on the web, and his site has a quality I can only describe as distinctly "redneck zen". It's streamlined, smooth, quick, and easy to use. The graphics are photo quality, and the sound effect (yes, singular) is clean, clear, and unique. This site is unlike any other I've visited. When you drop by, give Elsa a kiss for me. Y'all have a good ol' time down on th' farm! (I really MUST stop hanging out with Possum Pie!)
2.Bert is EVIL! Which, of course, most sensible people already knew. Now we have the proof required to reveal his true face to an unsuspecting world. Go to this site, and prepare to confront a face of evil so hideous and rapacious it will make you recoil in disgust, then flee in terror. This is the stuff of which nightmares are woven, but there is no escape in the waking world from this awful truth. Special thanks to $t.&rew for bringing this one to my attention!
3. Innocent Inanimate Objects: Joseph Hall has an interesting hobby... he shoots fruit and stuff. Yes, he does use a camera - to get pictures of the item being shot, usually with a .357 Cor-Bon! This would be really annoying, but as we all know, nothing and no one is truly innocent or inanimate, so his violent retribution for their misdeeds is only fitting. Justice is served! PRETTY pictures of exploding fruit (and other things). KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL! hee hee hee hee hee...
4.My Dad And These Air-Disasters: Folks, THIS nutbag is DANGEROUS. He knows WAY too much about our activities, and is coming too close to the real truth. My evaluation? Executive Action as soon as possible, with extreme predjudice. It's really neat when conspiracy freaks, (you know, the ones with the genuinely stupid theories, not at all like cool conspiracy NUTS, who are often at least partly RIGHT) for whatever reason, insist on writing themselves into the heart of whatever nutty theory they've cooked up. Gotta love those "My Secret War With (whoever)" people... they're on a level all their own, and they like it that way.
5.D.D.T.6: "It was a tiny man riding a gold jockey cap stuffed with skin in white hair." Thus begins DADA TENNIS ELECTRIC, a website I refuse to attempt to define (generally a good policy with anything that aspires to dadaism). It was funny and thought provking enough for me to want to share it with you, and the graphics alone are worth the vist, even if the writing does seem a little forced and more than a little "beat". Goddamn beatniks. Can't imagine how we managed to miss so many in the last harvest.
6.Voudon Information Pages: There's no way you're gonna get me to say anything bad about this page,,, what are you, nuts? You wanna face off with a priest of Damballa, hey, help yourself. This page is a great jump-off point into the festive and frolicsome world of voodoo. From time to time we all need to kill a black rooster and drain the blood on our boss's desk, or make a love potion that'll get us through a weekend, right? Sure we do! "Ol Legba try to move me from harms way, but I tol' him I's waitin fo' Saturday. I put de cayanne in de rum; I say de words, an' de Baron come."
7. Stick It To The Man: You want to do something, anything, to help right the wrongs of this world, stamp out injustice, and make the world a better place, but you won't, because you can't, because you're an ineffectual, flacid, tepid, stupid, cowardly little piece of rotted hogmeat, and you don't dare rock the boat in any way, right? Well, here's a pointless bit of fluff that might make you feel like someone who was actually here among us... or a it might clue you in to what an incredible herd monkey you really are. At this site you can revel in the high-tech power at your fingertips.
8.The UberPage of the First Church of Shatnerology!: OH-MY-GOD! I laughed, I cried, I pee'd out mosta my cryolube! The art is hilarious, the text is even funnier, and they even have first-rate links! This a website that requires a lot of exclamation points to describe! One of the very finest sites on the web; what the web, at it's best, is for! GO HERE! SEE THIS! FEEL THE SHATNERIANISTIC ESSENCE THAT PERMEATES EVERY WORD AND PIXEL! REJOICE! You lucky bastards!
9.So Many Ghosts, So Little Time...: This is one of my favorite artworks of all time, right up there with the works of Gustav Dore, Lazlo Toth (both of them), and Roger Corman. The artist, June Houston, is more than just another drop-dead gorgeous woman with smoky eyes... she's a brilliant and hilarious innovator who knows what real art is and how to create it. Is this page for real? Do I know? Do I care? Should you? I really don't think that matters - but by all means wonder about it! Pay special attention to the reports filed by people who've taken up the lonely vigil and served as June's GHOSTWATCHERS!
10.Corporate Watch: THEY don't want you to know about this website! You know who THEY are.... the OVERDOGS. The rogue subgenii and insane aggressive normals who run the seemingly monolithic CONSPIRACY OF NORMALS would like for you to think they're a THEM... a nameless, faceless force that rules our lives with an air of divine mystery. THIS is a website that gives you NAMES and FACES and DATES OF CRIMES! One of the finest sites of it's kind on the web, it demonstrates the real power of the web by providing a way for every day omnivores to keep a watchful eye on the predators among us who eat their own kind. Check out their great GREENWASH AWARDS, given monthly to highlight coverups and self-serving or false corporate propaganda.
Okay, chicklettes and dicklettes, that's all for this month. Send your comments, and your recommendations for sites, and/or types of sites to: firstname.lastname@example.org
PUT YER NEURONS IN THE NET
STOMP AROUND AND GET 'EM WET!