THE GREAT OLD FAMOUS SUBSITE STANDARDS
And A Few New Tricks
No Apple, A Pipe
Drop this cute little extension dingleberry by Rev. Numens Remissionis into your system folder, and the dull Apple in the upper left hand corner of your screen's menu bar will be turned into a holy Smoking Pipe. Not only HARMLESS -- it works on ALL Macs -- but this simple doohickey has turned out to be one of the most USEFUL of all SubGenius Macintosh computer creations. It's the perfect CRASH DETECTOR. You know how, sometimes, you can't quite tell if things have just slowed down, or if your gear has crashed totally? And you waste valuable minutes wondering? Well, this little booger is the most DEPENDABLE guage. If the smoke stops rising from the Pipe, you're crashed. No joke -- many users over a 3 year period have raved about the handiness of the NO APPLE, A PIPE extension. PRAISE DAMN GOD "BOB" and NUMENS REMISSIONIS.
We don't know WHO the hell did this QuickTime wonder...when you see it you'll know why. Complete with super-duper Kali-icious morphing action!!!
(NOTE: for longer, bigger SubGenius video files, see
THE EYES OF 'BOB')
Again, we proudly announce our acquisition of
THE ROBERT CARR COLLECTION.
Rev. Carr (aka firstname.lastname@example.org) has made himself infamous throughout the Macintosh-using world for his UTTERLY BLASPHEMOUS, DISRESPECTFUL, SICK, OBSCENE and BLOODY GAMES. It is with great honor (and his permission) that we present these works of heresy to YOU the DUES-PAYING SUBGENII (hint), FOR FREE.
* PROCHOICE AND PROLIFE FORCES AGREE: *
* LAMPREY SYSTEMS' "OPERATION RESCUE" BITES! *
BOISE,ID -- Jan 15, 1996 -- Vowing to "put the fun back in abortion" Lamprey Systems President-For-Life Robert Carr announced the release of Lamprey Systems latest game, Operation Rescue.
After pausing to exchange gunfire with protesters outside of Lamprey Systems Headquarters Carr continued, "Operation Rescue also teaches the importance of recycling. To you a fetus might be an unviable tissue mass or a potential human life, but down at Newt & Ralph's Abortion Depot it's all protein."
Furthermore Carr stated, "This game will help to strengthen the moral fiber of America and reinforce the family values such as cannibalism, child abuse and senseless violence which made this country great."
System Requirements: Apple Macintosh with color or greyscale monitor, 68030 processor or better, 1 meg of RAM. Power Macintosh compatible.
Space Requirements: 540 K.
Persons interested in Operation Rescue should send an e-mail to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are unable to receive files at your InterNet address, Operation Rescue is available on Private Idaho BBS (208-338-9227).
After pausing to exchange gunfire with protesters outside of Lamprey Systems Headquarters Carr continued, "Operation Rescue also teaches the importance of recycling. To you a fetus might be an unviable tissue mass or a potential human life, but down at Newt & Ralph's Abortion Depot it's all protein."OPERATION RESCUE SPECIFICATIONS
Die, Dobbs, Die!
Once again, the player VAINLY tries to snuff his or her Short Duration Personal Savior... but he keeps hiding behind one evil mystic symbol after another! Simple but effective.
The classic that they tried to burn. FINALLY, a Jesus with PERSONALITY is here to answer your every question... heh-heh-heh. AMAZING artificial intelligence dialog will have you CONVINCED that this Sleazy Jesus is really responding to your insults, prayers, snide SubGenius comments, lovelife complaints, etc. Many hidden features. You can even customize his sloppy, bleary-eyed appearance.
F*CK 'EM! ReadMe 2k
* DON'T LET BOSS/MOM CATCH YOU WITH THIS! *
* NOT FOR CHILDREN OR PINKS! *
You'll squirm in embarrassment or else in your chafing pants when you hear the grunts and groans of love oozing from your Mac's speakers.
Robert Carr is an evil man. A bad man. This is all-out FILTH. Praise Fuckin' Dobbs. (See Stang's article for more in the Robert Carr Collection.)
Persons interested in this sort of SMUT should check out the LAMPREY SYSTEMS WEBSITE, or send an e-mail to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are unable to receive files at your InterNet address, this reprehensible material is available on Private Idaho BBS (208-338-9227).
The Mac version was writ by Rev. Patrick Phelan. For upgrades:
email@example.com. You could also visit his homepage at http://menger.eecs.stevens-tech.edu/~phelan
Another experimental dingleberry from Rev. Noah Stewart. This Mac control panel replaces comments in the otherwise useless Labels menu with SubGenius quotes -- new ones every day.
A freeware game in which you have a nice choice of weapons with which to maim or kill either Barney or a PICT pic of the Short Duration Personal Savior of your choice.
Details of Xistech MWOWM-link(TM) chip:
(845 K) Windows or Mac
Your connection to the AETHERIC information highway! Download Gramp's aura, Winston Churchill's, Hitler's! Give your computer a dead person's "soul"! Use it to summon dark forces!
As you can see, so far we sport here mostly Mac doohickies, dingleberries and death-games. (Exactly the opposite of a Conspiracy software store, come to think of it!) BUT SAY -- do you have a DOS DOBBS GAME or DESKTOP GIMMICK that you'd like to provide for your fellow Yeti to download?
IF SO, you can now email PC games and gimmicks (smaller than 1.5 mb) directly to Jesus's account here at the Dallas H.Q.:
If it's a Macintosh gizmo, smaller than 2 megs, email it (Stuffed, PLEASE!) to Rev. Ivan Stang at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If your app if OVER 2 mb, email us for the special secret ftp uploads address.
illo courtesy of Rev. Noah Stewart