GAMES n' GIZMOS
Updated 1-8, 0 BX
Updated 1-8, 0 BX
NEW WINDOWS stuff is further down)
Your Mac will spout audible Dobbs Prophecy at your command. Infinitely more effective and uncannily appropriate than the I-Ching.
A short SubGenius adventure game from Rev. Noah Stewart.
This is actually just a web page with a Java applet running. Click here and you'll be doing it. Download the Stuffed file if you want to give it to friends. It's a self-replenishing random new Commandment generator. Example: "Take heed and expose thineself to a Girl Scout on the Sabbath." The whole list changes totally each time you look at it.
"This amazing little program actually sanctifies your Macintosh! Its so tiny, less than 2K, that it can actually fit between the programs and sort things out. You'll never have another demonic posession after you run this little guy! Its the only way to trouble-free Dobbs-approved happy computer usage!"
Rev. Noah J. Stewart
Church of the Befuddled Biped
You click on the icon, and a little window comes up that says "Your Mac needs needs minor repairs." You click "OK" and suddenly you see the scariest window of them all: an ERASE DISK window with a progress bar saying, "DELETINGALL FILES." You try to stop it but NOTHING WORKS. Then your computer AUTOMATICALLY SHUTS DOWN AND RESTARTS -- and comes up BLANK! Dead! Nil! Nada! No system. No NOTHIN'. A little file icon with a question mark is all that remains.
It's a trick, of course. It doesn't really do anything to your computer. It simply scares the living SHIT out of you.
This would be a really mean trick to play on a clueless Mac user.
Robert Carr's Gratest!
From: Robert Carr <email@example.com>
The Elder Gods and the Yacatisma have both arrived on Earth simultaneously, at the exact moment of X-Day! During the battles your Xist Escape Vessel is trapped in Dimension Zero with a dwindling supply of Slack. You must rescue the Sex Goddesses, harvest the Pinks and destroy Yacatisma to escape from Dimension Zero!
* Forbidden Knowledge: an online and interactive help system.
* Bonus Kill-Dobbs Action. Shut up Dobbs after losing or when quitting by shooting him in the head!
* Cool as Hell soundtrack -- 'HIRASAKI' by DK JONES!
Now you can play with the forces of nature, just like the Yeti did! Tibetan monks originally created these games using wood and human bones. Now you can draw upon the spirits of the dead Yeti (and live ones!), tilt the Luck Plane, and become utterly addicted to this psuedo-classic tile game!
By making use of your Third Nostril, you can create beautiful Dobbsian patterns on your Macintosh. The interface is a little slow, but interfacing with one of the body's lessen known organs was very difficult.
WARNING!!! Use of the Third Nostril by full-blood humans can result in brain haemorraging, nosebleeds, severe headaches, and possible sanity. Use at own risk. Rev. Noah Stewart and The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. take no responsibility for any damage inflicted upon oneself by persons using their Third Nostril.
Rev. Noah J. Stewart <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Church of the Befuddled Biped
You can get the Hyperstudio Player needed to run Dammitgotchu from Robert Wagner Publishing, Inc. free from their page. There is a direct link to it on The Wicked Sage Site.
You may freely distribute this strange little chip-toy so long as you leave the Wicked Sage credit intact. This is freeware, so we won't be coming for your first born. Hack The Planet!
System 7.X-8.X only. Runs on Macintosh 680X20 or higher only. I might make a Windows version someday, but I'm not sure when. That's it.
--The Ice Bear, Wicked Sage, Maniac, And All Around Friendly Real, Live Undead Guy
There're more blasphemous bits of fun to be found there.
"Matt House sent me the ROMs for Chris Brewer's secret 'Frop-laced version of the Krull arcade game, called "Krawl". With a little hex-editing, I managed to get them to work in MacMAME.
You will need to download a recent MacMAME from http://www.emulation.net (there's a new version about once a week) to play this.
Anyway, attached is a file of "Krawl". Dump it into the ROMs folder of your MacMAME folder, double-click it, and you're off and running. In MAME, press "3" to insert a coin, "1" or "2" to start; "tab" sets options; If memory serves, "esdf" and the arrows are the two Krull joysticks.
P.S. If you have the Jittlov font and stick crayons in your eyes, this line is in funny colors, but it won't hurt the font.
Sez "James M. Burton" (jimburtn@leland.Stanford.EDU):
""Bob" the Demon involves the quest of a young demon (coincidentally named "Bob") to return the Sacred Pipe back to the Mighty Dobbs - while EATING AS MANY PINK SOULS AS POSSIBLE IN THE PROCESS.
And I'm not talking about poorly-implemented, "the pink disappears when "Bob" moves over it" kind of eating. We're talking about FLUID, ANIMATED CHEWING ACTION. SMOOTHLY SCROLLING BACKGROUNDS. GIGANTIC LEVELS. And that's JUST THE BEGINNING!
|) | |) | For free high-quality games for the Mac, try
|\ev. \|ames |)urton | http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~jimburtn
Won't let AOL open and crashes you. Seems to work fine with literally everything else. FIGURES, huh?
(You can turn SLACKTIME off by holding your mouse button down during startup. There are some secret dialog boxs in Slacktime that spring at random too.)
(You can turn SLACKTIME off by holding your mouse button down during startup. There are some secret dialog boxs in Slacktime that spring at random too.)The regular stationary pipe cursor:
No ordinary Dobbshead in a bitmap, these screens have been touched by The Salesman himself and are made-to-order for the semiconductor set. The screens have been designed with low contrast in mind, so as not to distract from the items on the desktop itself. After all, to have "Bob" visually screaming at you while you are trying to find "WaldoHD" amidst the eyeball clutter is sort of Slack-draining in itself. With these screens, "Bob" can subliminally sink in, with the same marketing cunning of Muzak, and the same propaganda value. What successful religion doesn't inundate its faithful with iconography? The Catholic Church got that one right.
All three screens are PICT files in 8-bit color, dithered using the Macintosh system palette, so hopefully anyone limited to 8-bit color can rely on correct screen display. (I delegate the color palette transmogrification for PCs, if necessary, to Windows users.) Two of the screens are sized 640x480, and for those large of cathode tube, one is 832x624. One screen has, in fact, the text of a rant from the Book of the Subgenius tenderly blended with blobs of "Bobs", ready and willing to bore through your skull, down through your limbic system and grab you by the spinal cord where it counts. Believe me, this is for your own good. This will hurt me more than it will hurt you.
-- Rev. Numen Remissionis
Cheesy JPEG previews of the 3 screens:
A wonder it is to behold! This will keep many a SubGenius up late at night, gazing into the smoke, hypnotized. You'll LOVE the "QUIT." A sure-fire seduction tool -- "Wanna come over and see my Smoking Pipe?"
"Got 'frop? Well, even if you don't right at the moment, you're in for a treat. Because now you've got the most psychedelic, mind-blowing, yet incredibly simple Mac toy I've ever seen - and it's free! This program is completely the work of Alex Rosen, all I've done is Resedit in a few extra icons into the "Shape" menu to increase the Slack quotient: Dobbs, the Pipe, the sacred Triangle and the even more sacred Hamburger. You, of course, are welcome to hack the thing further if you like, and since Alex distributes the program totally free, why should he mind?
"You can read his ReadMes to get a fair idea how the thing works. But like every great toy, you've got to PLAY WITH IT to really appreciate its greatness. Change the colors. Try the various gimmicks under the menus. Then sit back and trip out, baby!
"But wait, there's more. This thing also creates screensavers for "Dark Side Of The Mac" (also free!) when you use the included Rainbox Fader (see the ReadMe). So you can have one of your slacked-out whirling eye-candy masterpieces mesmerize you into a total stupor anytime you start daydreaming and forget to press the keys for a few minutes...
"Before you start creating anything, you might want to take a peek at the samples - Alex includes quite a few, and I've also thrown in the first three I made to test out the special Slack Edition icons. Or trash the samples and just dig in. See if I care.
Dad's New Slacks
POBox 4722 Portland ME 04112-4722 USA
"This patch turns the "MacOS" startup image into something more slackful.
To use it, you'll need to be running a version of the System which has a "System 7.5 Update" file. If you get a screen saying "MacOS" when you start up your Mac, it's worth a try.
You also need a colour or greyscale screen; not black and white. Instructions come with the program.
Important: I'd like to insult your intelligence by telling you this isn't an official or approved Apple patch. It probably causes cancer in laboratory rats; everything else does. If you need support, try a wonderbra.
Hamburgers for WOTAN, Inc.
ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME THAT JESUS DIED FOR HIS SINS?
Jesus H. Christ, Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Pope John Paul 2.0, Mother Teresa, Bill Gates, Pat Robertson, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh and Robert Carr are all going STRAIGHT TO HELL.
LOVE SIN BUT NOT THE SINNER...
Bitchslap any or all of the above through the Nine Circles of Hell to the Eternal Torment they so richly deserve. Fear no god or master as you send your victim screaming down the Portal Potty into the nether regions of Hades. Your penile dimensions will triple when you make them squeal like a pig with the Cursor of Torture!
IT IS BETTER TO RULE IN APPLE THAN TO SERVE IN MICROSOFT...
System Requirements: Macintosh with 68030 or higher processor, 2.5 megs of RAM and 32-bit Color QuickDraw. Power Mac recommended.
THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH SHAREWARE FEES...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert Carr * email@example.com * firstname.lastname@example.org
"The people in this neighborhood are animals. They'd steal Jesus if
he wasn't nailed down." - Kinky Friedman
Visit Lamprey Systems Web Site -http://users.aol.com/lampreysys/index.html ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEW DESKTOP GIMMICKS from REV. NOAH STEWART
Requires Resedit -- puts your choice of flushing sounds with Empty Trash or other actions.
Kill "Bob" (182k)
Imagine if "Bob" were in his preferable state, dead, but whenever he was given files, he was suddenly rejuvenated and you'd have to kill him all over again. Try out this nifty replacement for the trash can.
Rev. Noah J. Stewart
Church of the Befuddled Biped
Prints out the sections of a huge Dobbshead on 16 8.5x11 sheets... run THOSE off on a copier, attach the pieces, and viola, the number gigantic 4.5' Dobbsheads you'll be able to terrorize your hometown with will be limited only by your patience in taping the pieces together! (NOTE: These are PHOTOSHOP 2.5 documents so you may have to convert 'em.)
SoundMaster is a utility that makes your Macintosh play sounds when certain system events occur (such as key clicks, disk insertion and ejection, and emptying the trash).
Works in your Control Panels folder. Includes installation instructions.
These are for use with HOMER or other IRC programs that allow you to install little PORTRAITS of your regular IRC rantin' buddies, mini-pivs that appear when they log in. Noah assembled this some weeks ago, so it only includes the faces of SOME of the Sunday Night IRC Devival regulars. You can add to it, though, from our SubGenius Portraits Gallery.
by Jason Anderson
©1995 Beyond Midnight Software (v1.0.1 March 1995)
Are you someone who gets really annoyed at those people who always seem to know how many days it is until a certain event (ie: "Hi John, did you know it's only 278 more days to my birthday? Better make sure you buy me a present!"). Well, if you can't beat them, join them.
This handy little control panel will let you do just that. Every time you start (or restart) your computer, a little box appears approximately 3/5ths down the screen, telling you how many days there are until the date you specified (if the date has already passed it will give you a nasty little note to say that you have missed it!) Use it to count down to X-DAY.
"You unzip it, and double click on the 'setup.exe' file. It sets up an icon... hypnotic and oh-so-Slack-filled!!" -- Chris, Minister of Pyrotechnic Complexity
I, Stang was given a list of new/old Windows-oriented things that my PC-using pal, Jesus Christ, had received from hither and yon and uploaded. GO FOR 'EM! Unfortunately, the Lord has been even busier than me lately, and did not supply me with many details about what these are, or who made them, or how big they are. He claims that He tried 'em and they work, or at least won't hurt anyone too badly more than once or twice. I think He mentioned that one of them leaks a little, but He couldn't remember which it was.
If you invented one of these and would like credit for it, or can add a better description, send the simple written information to me. Just the description. Always send the actual PC prog to Him.
"This is Tetris, except "Bob" has been getting 'fropped up again, and is walking around above the "well". If he falls down, you have to hit him in the head with a pil to get rid of him.
You can stack dobbsheads ontop of each other, and hit a stack with a pil for mass destruction.
A high score list, background music, different background art, and sound effects will be added soon (probably by turkey day).
If you'd like to volunteer any of your SubGenius art (hint hint to a.s.b posters), please drop me a line.
It runs under Win95 and Windows Nt v4.0, and *maybe* Windows 3.1, if you have Win32s installed." --Reverend Snazz
If you have any trouble with this attachment, please let me know. The latest versions can be found at http://www.peak.org/~mckeej/slack" --Rev. Snazz
Win 95 256 color Dobbshead icon and animated cursor from Andrew P. Loy
Curtis R. Anderson, Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen", SP 2.5?, KoX URLs: http://www.servtech.com/public/cra/ mailto:email@example.com
"This is the original EPS file that I used to create the stencil. it's around 700k because the picture itself was designed on a really big scale so detail wouldn't be lost when it was printed... anyway, assuming you have some breed of pagemaker, here's the dig:
1) open a new document, size 28x40 inches (or bigger if you want it bigger, you'll just have to resize the EPS a bit). 2) select "place" under the file menu and pick the stencil EPS file, then just click on the upper-left margin deal to place it, etc..
In order to get it to print correctly, you need to turn on "tile" mode in the print menu. This will cause it to print out a bunch of pages, each with a bit of overlap (which makes it easier to get them all lined up right on the cardboard).
HolyStencil.sit -- a 132k Stuffed version of the huge EPS file, for Macs
The Ultimate Pipe Cursor
"If only the bowl _twirled_. Soon, ah soon."
Support for the Oaken Phallus of "Bob" has been provided by the Robert Wood Johnson Fund.
Wet Pain, firstname.lastname@example.org