Pamphlet #1 - page 3
Using SubGenius secrets of BULLDADA and MOREALISM you can now MIRACULOUSLY ELIMINATE COMPULSIVE URGES such as smoking, lethargizing, overeating, insomnia, the inability to take drugs, constipation, old age, sex and money problems, baldness, illness, the Work Instinct, assouliness, and painful shortage of SLACK!
This is a certified religion of scorn and vengeance directed at all of THEM, the enemies of us Outsiders. It is "self-help" thorugh scoffing and blaspheming, frenzied fornication and the Tumping of Graven Images. The Church provides answers and miracles in the service of SUREAVOLUTION.
"Ignore the man behind the curtain" -- Oz
The Church of the SubGenius is the ultimate secret order, the superior brain cult for those who "know better" but who demand in the LUST for GRINS a spectacular, special-effects-laden belief system -- a 'stuporstition.'
This religion, devised by precise mathematical formulae, weirder than the most obscure UFO/Atlantis cults, is invaluable to all superior renegades who, at any time, are justifiably on the edge of insanity and can be made whole only by developing a seventh sense of BLUDGEON HUMOR.
PRODUCTS AND SERVICES
Pamphlets and Newsletters, Comix and Personality Test, Cassette Propaganda, Posters, Buttons, T-Shirts, Bumper Stickers, Uniforms, SubG Vicarships and Doktorates, Art Objects, Love Potions, Voodoo Dolls, Mojo Bags, JUJU, Peen Worms, HiJohn Deconk'us Root, Secret
Signs and Ciphers, "Sacraments," Indulgences, Graven Images, False Idols, Relics, Artifacts, Talismans, Magic Amulets, "Bob" Tokens, SubGenius True Crosses, 7-Bladed Wind-breakers, fake Scissors of Sight, Cowboy-with-H-Bomb toys, ALIEN CONTACT ALTERS, Slogans, Mottos, Tenets, Laws, LUCK, LOOKS, S, ANSWERS, HEALINGS,
MIRACLES, PHENOMENA, Lectures, Revivals, Fortunes Told, Predictions, Industrial Consultation, Seances, Levitation, Personal
Brain Treatments, "IONIZATION," Resynchronization, Blemish Readings, and Antilogical Charting. Also try our Marriages, Baptisms,
Burials, Initiations, Dial-A-Demon Phone-Ins, Celebrity COnverts, Mascots, and Cheerleaders...and visit The SubGenius HQ FisTemple Lodge - SubGenius Retreats - Quasimotels - Fan Clubs - Consumptionland Abusement Park ( ''Where Pa'Buckers Reign")...and patronize Hefty Midget Cut-Rate Liquors...hear the SUBGENIUS RADIO
MINISTRY...watch the SUBGENIUS TV MINISTRY...and, "if you can help us with a donation," the SubGenius Foundation Investment Corporation will eventually reveal to you the SECRETS OF THE CULT!!
Book of the SubGenius
The Life of Dobbs
The Essentials of Survival
Reincarnancient Sub-History of the World (w/Atlas)
The SubG Relabeling Dictionary
Things to See, Say, and Do
Things to Think and Know
Things to Buy
('*' indicates Dobbs films)
* ARISE! - The SubGunius Film
* LIFE OF "BOB"
* REPENT! - THE PRESCRIPTURES
WAR WITH MARS!
GUT BLOWOUT II: BUTTSPLIT!
THE BABY EATERS
* GIRL KRAZED w/ The 3 Dhooges
* FLIGHT OF THE NURDS
* "BOB'S" LUNCH HOUR
* ALIEN JEW from a CORPORATE GALAXY
10 MINUTES TILL SHOWTIME
* JILTED AGAIN
* LON CHANEY 2000
* ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WINO
WORLD OF THE FUTURE
SECOND BIG FEATURE
* THE DANGERS OF PETTING
STEVE WILCOX: MADMAN? SALESMAN?
* INDOCTRINATION FILM NO.7