StangReport May 14, 01 -- EUCLID TAVERN DEVIVAL, moving aftermath

AHHHH!!! I slept for about 16 HOURS!

And now I'm REALLY behind in swag mail-out and email answering.

But my dear dear friends, the Euclid Tavern devival (SEE PICTURES, HEAR HOUR OF SLACK 786 and 786)was, god damn it if I'm not lyin', the BEST YET! It was certainly the most LUCRATIVE yet. The place was packed, the music and preaching were top notch, the audience was IN DEEP SLACK and not ONE drunk fucked with us, none of the stalkers were about, I came home with excellent audio recordings, and, our new mansion was "broken in," deflowered, one might say, by its first exposure to SubGenius House Guests ranging from Quiji Boiz star Chris Li to Prostata Cantata, Joy D' Vievre (sp?), the Piss Offs, Geo, Saint N and Hellena Handbasket, and even Banjo Bob Bobcore, who gave me his cool eyeball hat, what a generous guy. Mister Sister and several other subs had to go sleepy-bye or they would have been there too.

PLUS, I had the unique first joy of "driving to work" at the Euclid Tavern, not from Dallas, or from Princess Wei's Pleasure Dome, where Her Highness had allowed me to crash for a year and a half, but from MY NEW DRIVEWAY! Just... loading up the devival stuff from the Devival Stuff shelves in the Dungeon Devival Section, into my rocket-van-disguised-as-a-jalopy... waking up Legume's "Bob" Dummy and helping it get into the car... and just WHUP down Peewater Drive to Scumpton to Mayfield to Euclid -- LIKE IT WAS NORMAL!! Like I was Joe Lunchpail heading out to the lunchpail assembly line!

And I then proceeded to get LOST on the way to the Euclid Tavern, PROVING that I am a REAL SubGenius. I have preached there at lest 10 times in the last 10 years. But... somebody else was always driving me there, and it was always from the OTHER direction. I got halfway to downtown before I realized it was the OTHER "RIGHT" I was supposed to take.

I hate to admit it, but I even got lost driving home from the ESO radio show the other night. But HELL!!! What's a little PANIC to a SubGenius Emergentile Preacher.

I was STILL the first one there, except Rev. Amph and his friend.

But MY GOD-MAN!! What a smooth devival. I knew that St. N and Hellena Handbasket would sound GREAT, since they do "techno" and it's hard to mess that up, but I was ILL PREPARED for just HOW great! Saint N has a KILLER CD of his stuff available from, some of which is excerpted on the XXX-Day soundtrack album, but I had not heard Hellena SING/RAP, nor her Connie song, nor her AMAZING version of "It's the End of the World as We Know It," the lyrics hugely modified Church-wards. Mmmmmm-baby-MM!!

And OH I am so VERY happy about the RECORDINGS of this that I got, on mere cassette tape, but DECENTLY MIXED with half soundboard and half open room mic. The sound on Chris Li's digital video and minidisc might well be even better.

This also means that we captured good audio of the INCREDIBLE version of "Sympathy for the Devil" by Einstein's Secret Orchestra -- with LONESOME COWBOY DAVE doing the SINGING, and with his own REVISED LYRICS, which start with, "Please don't bother to introduce yourself, I already know your name..." ... and performed, AS PROPHESIED, in front of the Giant Dobbshead Painted by Jesus, thus ushering in THE TIME AND HALF TIME, maybe, hopefully not the Time Intersection.

Actually I've been wondering if the Time Intersection might not be arriving a bit early. Last Sunday-week's FUTURAMA featured Time Hiccups as a plot device -- and during that show, ACTUAL REAL TIME HICCUPS occured that affected the VCRs of both We/I, and Chris Li, and, for all we know, set loose NHGH on His evil rampage of last week, what with the deaths of all those rogue SubGeniuses, and the close calls of Dr. Legume and Susi, etc. etc.

The Devival, however, was spared the wrath of the Nhee'g One, and the swag table was buzzin'. TWO sould were newly saved, and best of all, a large contingent of Canadians from Toronto each not only BOUGHT HOLY SHIT, but EACH flat out GAVE me $30 each -- for NOTHING, just for Slack!! LIKE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ALL ALONG!! I hope this sets a precedent. Today I will be able to send a SIZEABLE bank check to the Foundation. It basically means I won't SKIP A PAYCHECK, is what it means.

However, at the swag table we sold all the CDs and videos that I had just made mainly to FINALLY FILL THE ORDERS THAT BACKED UP DURING MY MOVE! So now I have Muleskinner One over there, mulefully cranking out CDs one at a time, and Muleskinner's son, the Epson printer, printing out labels. But you see it's all DIFFERENT now... it's all happening in this NICE BIG WHITE ROOM atop the HIGHEST HILL in Cleveland Heights, mayhaps making me the highest man in Cleveland, at least some of the time? Eh? Ahhhh yes. The cramped ghetto closet NO MORE!

Dang! Dang! The phone rang rang. I had to pick up the call, it was bidness. And now my Spout Gland is depleted. I am reminded of the swag making and mail-prepping I have to do, not to mention prepping and webbifying the pics from Amsterdam, the Move, and the Euclid Tavern devival, and the alt.slack articles for SubSITE, and copying over these devival recordings to disk, and all those other things that were on the EARLIER list. ONE TASK AT A TIME, per computer, that's the ticket, fast and steady wins the race. Still haven't moved the Archives from that OTHER basement yet, though. Getting hitched in 2 weeks. Whooo doggies! Soon I can try "sex"! I've heard so much about it!

One last thing -- the new CD sold via SubSITE, "BEST OF ESO RADIO/HOUR OF SLACK," is our best new album EVER!! "Media Barrage 12" is our best OLD album remix ever! And "16 Hours of Slack in Stereo MP3" is your best CD-R deal-for-the-buck EVER, in ANY timestream!