Stang Report, May 22 0 BX

DONE!! Done done DONE!!

I don't think there's another block to be tackled nor box hauled, nary a knickknack to be shelved. The Archives themselves are MOVED. SEE PICTUREs. Perhaps now I can "remount the stick," as they say, and maybe even do my job! Heck, there's nothing pressing or hectic on the horizon... merely my WEDDING in FIVE DAYS(!!!!) and then a HOUSE WARMING PARTY the week after that... THAT'S all... why, I should have COPIOUS time this week with which to fiddle with SubGenius art projects!


But... my GODMAN! I mowed my YARD! For the first time in 7 years, I HAVE a yard!

I cleared the spider monsters out of the garage -- for, now, I HAVE a garage! For the first time in almost 3 years!

Soon, for this first time in 2.5 years, I'll have a WIFE!!

Apparently, We/I did everything backwards. First we bought a house. THEN we went on a honeymoon. THEN we got married. Next, perhaps we'll start dating. Years from now, maybe we'll finally MEET!

I must thank the stalwart SubGenius Morlock Kings of Cleveland who helped with last Sunday's gigantic final effort, the transfer via Ryder truck of the huge archival stash of SubGenius documents and media from the basement of the Starwood Center, its secret previous home, to my basement and garage. I would estimate that we moved about 150 to 200 boxes. It completely filled the bottom half of the 15 foot Ryder truck.

The hulking, heaving, sweaty, hairy, SMELLY Yetinsyny who did this were:
The Righteous Rev. GEO
The Wily and Wiry Rev. SteveZZZZZ
The Puntiferous Rev. and Mrs. Gorgonzola
The Lonesome Cowboy Dave

and profuse, gushing arterial thanks to Jeff Rosenbaum of A.C.E. for loaning us the space for those TWO YEARS... for NOTHING!!! JUST TO HELP DOBBS' NAMELESS MISSION!!

My left arm is now almost totally useless. I "sprung" it moving all this stuff the FIRST time(s), 2 years ago, giving myself "tennis elbow" so that certain basic moves like picking up a phone or a cup of coffee with that hand causes pain-torque in the joint that I imagine is similar to that of arthritis. Careful physical therapy had almost brought it back to normal when this month-long move happened, and now I'm back to moaning in my sleep and gobbling aspirin all day.

But, by gobbs, I got my STRENGTH BACK! Everywhere else besides that left elbow. I can RUN up those 3 flights of stairs carrying two boxes of albums and NOT SPILL MY COFFEE! I was able to HOLLER for an HOUR STRAIGHT at the Euclid Tavern devival, something my lungs would NEVER have allowed back in the day, nor most audiences either. I DON'T feel like I'm fixin' to die, or on the rag, EVER!

And, all the lost odds and ends that I had HOPED would resurface in the final move, DID! HEH HEH HEH!! EH-hehehheheh. And of course, when you move you are forced to REVEL in your POSSESSIONS, like Scrooge McDuck bathing in his money. It was particularly gratifying to pop open long-stored boxes and find that my old comics and mags are still in "Poor" condition, as collectors would rate them. That's a lot better than Very Poor. CREEPY #s 1 through 27, the first 20 or so EERIEs (both went downhill after that), two boxes of Heavy Metals and 1994, the rip-off comic of HM; National Lampoons from the 70s, when it was funny; and GREATEST of ALL, my ancient FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND were all as I had last wrapped them up. Tattered, but readable. Useless for E-bay but UNBELIEVABLY EVOCATIVE for me. When I start getting Alzheimer's, THESE will be what keep me remembering my own name, or one of my names, at the very least.

Not to mention my UNDERGROUNDS, which is my only real "collection" besides Hendrix bootlegs... which I've stopped collecting, incidentally. There wasn't anything on that recent giant Hendrix boxed set that I didn't already have from black market CD trading.

I have not been able to answer any but the most pressing email in months, it seems, and SubSITE is practically HAUNTED by now... so I'm gonna blow the cobwebs off those and get to it. Soon as I run these errands on my list. Oh shit, it's already 3:30.

May 24, Thursday


My left arm is now "CRUNTED", like that of Bob Dole or THE MUMMY (the original Mummy that was a gimp, not the modern Dracula-powered Mummy). The appendage just wants to hang there, spasming fitfully.

The wedding is in THREE DAYS!!! I am picking up Jesus and my kids at the airport TOMORROW NIGHT! And SubSITE STILL hasn't been updated except for what Jesus and Magdalen added about 4X-Day. Some of that post-moving moving and some of this wedding prep took just a wee bit longer than I expected!

Got ALL my orders filled, though. Put together a truly GREAT Hour of Slack, the 787th, duped it, mailed it this morning. Haven't typed up the LOGS for the last FOUR or FIVE shows, though. Wedding is in THREE... DAYS!!!

Got ALL the boxes off the garage floor and the basement floor, put more or less in place with the labels showing. Just in time, 'cause it's been raining steadily since then. Paid the bills, did the wash -- IN OUR OWN WASHING MACHINE AND DRYER!!!! -- got gas... food... tux is cleaned...


OK... calm down... get a grip... this is nothing I haven't done before... I think I better just let Chas and Dave do the show tonight, though. Princess Wei is leaving for her home town, where the wedding is taking place, tonight... I'll be here alone, ulp, just me, Muleskinner and SubSITE. Nothing to do but work on my job. Oh yes and the vacuuming. No prob. Everything's fine. Surely there won't be any unexpected crises TONIGHT. I nice quiet Thursday night, minus the show. I'll just pick some art and update some pages and... well there's quite a list actually, we'll just take this ONE DAY AT A TIME, yes, Path of Least Resistance, that's the ticket!

I COULD just... BLOW IT ALL OFF. Hell for that matter I could repent, quit my job and Slack Off, but, heck, I really like my job! Such as it is. Maybe I could obtain ILLICIT SLACK, the best kind, by PROCRASTINATING -- doing something "off task," like writing a chatty, newsy little report for alt.slack and the mailing list! YEAH!!! But... what to actually WRITE?? Hmmm.


Friends, the latest issue of QUIJIBO, the greatest SubGenius zine currently being printed up, is the best yet! With this Spring issue, Quijibo has devolved to "TEEN QUIJIBEAT", a SubGenius-celebrity gushy heart-throb teeny-bopper magazine full of ads for make-up, just like TEEN. In keeping, the focus is entirely on the young, cute, groovy, popular SubGenii like The QuijiBoiz, sassy boy-group. Rev. Sikki Nixx -- who got married herself yesterday to St. Andreux, the poor deluded child -- has a love advice column, Sister Decadence advises on fashion for the mutant who cares, and there's a pictorial on that Slack Hunk, Aramnd Geddyn, runner up for "Sexiest Geek of the Year." Skateboarding, music reviews, shameless fannish worship of the HOT young Subs like Duke of Uke, Saint N and Hellena Handbasket, Nikeee of ESO, and the ever widening Vagina Jones. Finally, Barbie Geddyn asks, "What's wrong with my breasts?"

Every Quijibo is a "theme issue" and this is the themiest yet! Almost upchuckingly smarmy and syrupy, just like the "teen" mags of the hume-worms -- but A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE!

I had thought that ediotor Chris Lee would NEVER surpass the incredible Monkeys Quijibo, but this one beats of more flies than that one AND the swimsuit issue combined!

$3 from
Quijibo Cartel
18 W. Main, Ste.X
Greenfield, IN 46140
Checks to Chris Bundy

Now it is time for another cup of coffee, and perhaps I can get some of these Hour of Slack logs translated from Stangian Filesystem Name.aiff to a readable version.