Suddenly, Jesus and I had about 3 days to finish 5 jobs before I could leave for the shows and devivals in Ohio. Saturday morning went into production of
Hour of Slack #550 (this and 549 are now up at SubSITE in TrueSpeeched hi-fi Wandererized Liquid Motion format). See the LOG for hints of its gloriosity. It was a particularly good show, since I had cleaned up the radio station the week before and had "space"... psychically, anyway.
THE INVOLUNTARY SLACK of TEXAS STATE FAIR
I was forced to stop mixing long enough to accompany Jesus, his girlfriend Demonica and someone else to the State Fair. Gotta admit, the Texas State Fair is a worthy yearly experience, for the mutated livestock show if nothing else. They illegalized freak shows in Texas, but the fair-goers themselves make up for that. Saw the "Macarena" phenomenon in action for the first time -- every 15 minutes some booth or another played that stupid song, and all the Pinks for yards around were bonding by doing the dance that goes with it. For those who, like me, rarely ever leave the house/office or even watch TV, the Macarena is a tune-dance that started as a folk hit in Mexico and inexplicably swept the Pink world this summer. The "dance" that goes with it involves everyone making simple semafore-like hand and arm movements all together in sync. It's this year's "Don't Worry Be Happy" sort of tune. The dance is worth learning -- it's easy and one can suddenly lurch into a distorted version of it inappropriately, such as during heavy metal or classical music concerts.
After the Fair, in the dead of night, Jesus and I went straight back to work on the new 16-page Interim Fist, and finished tweaking it in about 48 desperate hours. (We set ourselves an arbitrary deadline and forced ourselves to stick to it by scheduling it with a new cheap printer in Florida, so we HAD to have it in by Tuesday... about the same time that we're finally mailing out the last of the previous issue, to the Californicates and furriners.)
Sometime around 7 pm Sunday, Jesus and I stopped PageMaking and rubber cementing long enough to attend AN ACTUAL ROCK CONCERT to which we had NO BACKSTAGE PASSES -- an unusual move for me. I had paid for the nonrefundable tickets weeks earlier, otherwise I probably would've avoided THAT involuntary slack too. This was a Screaming Electric Guitar-Player Fest starring Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson & Steve Vai, separately. Steve Vai was the technically proficient and otherwise lame-ass poser that I was afraid I'd see, doing every hokey rock-guitarist move the dumbasses wanted; Eric Johnson on the other hand stayed in one spot with his head down and his eyes closed, paying attention, and sounded very much like a classically trained violinist. Joe Satriani, as I expected, was SO technically proficient that every note he played was exactly identical to the versions on his CD... but he did put on a high energy show. I used to think Satriani was a real wimp because his "licks" are so often FAMILIAR sounding, but then I am given to understand that he was the TEACHER of many big-time rock guitarists; he can't help it if his more pop-oriented students make him sound derivative. He's bald-headed these days and grins fiendishly while playing. His bass player however stole the show. I've never seen Foggy Mountain Breakdown played solo on the bass just as if it were a banjo. It was a pretty spectacular physical feat.
BLOOD FEAST OF 10,000 EMAILs
Monday and Tuesday, before leaving for the Columbus devivals, I packed while simultaneously catching up on my email. It had stacked up a bit. When I pushed "SEND" just before heading off to the airport, 150 messages went off -- largely a form letter, but individually tweaked. A HELL of a lot of art had piled up in the attachments folder and going through it all at ONCE was quite an experience. When I suddenly add it all to SubSITE you'll see what I mean.
I flew to Cleveland instead of Columbus specifically to lay down some more groovy tracks with Einstein's Secret Orchestra (ESO Radio) on WCSB in Cleveland. The music of Chas Smith, the retardation of Lonesome Cowboy Dave and my own blitheringness are a combo I NEVER pass up if I can help it, and we cranked out 90 live and unrehearsed minutes that, as always, were... (See the LOG of ESO Radio on WCSB Cleveland with Chas, Dave, Princess Wei "R." Doe and/or Hour of Slack #552 and 553)
Another thing I love about Cleveland is that I get to stay at the A.C.E. Halfway House for Mutants ("Tim Leary Slept Here"). They have a Macintosh exactly identical to mine -- I set it up for 'em -- and some of the Chameleons there are amateur computer graphics fiends like myself, so we JAMMED. Friday Jones had recently donated a copy of Kai's Power Goo, a fancy toy for easily warping pictures, especially portraits, and making the "morph" into a movie. The Queen of ALL the UFOs and I took turns seeing just how far we could fuck up Dobbs' face. By the end of the session we had a series of 4 "Goovies" that translated into one humongous Quicktime animation, ""Ob" Took Goo Much," an INCREDIBLE screen-saver/loop/hypnosis device, if I do say so, but even the damned MPEG is 360x360 picas and 17 mb big, so obviously I need to experiment with crunching it down in size to the point that it can be offered for download. The GOO file itself is TINY, and looks FAR more psychedelic, but only runs on a Mac with Goo. ((LATE NOTE: I have managed to crunch the 4 original digital vids down to a presentable-looking 950k each, albeit only 180x180 picas in area, and the collected super-crunched 2-minute loop is down to 1.1 meg at 120x120. But at least you PC oldtimers will be able to enjoy it without too much pain.))
((NOTE to SELF: REMEMBER TO GIFMoverize the jazzed-up church logo animation (with white bg, about 3/4 in on BG Preaching Videos roll in Toasterized MTV-Sub footage))
MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT
I have a new ShorDurPerBand every month or so, and for a week now I've been listening nonstop to an ENDLESS LOOP of the 1995 CD by My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, "HIT & RUN HOLIDAY." All the songs on it sound like 1966 bad acid-rock stripper torch tunes from cheesy spy movies -- WE GOTTA TOUR WITH THESE FOLKS and REV. SUSIE THE FLOOZY! I just happened to stumble upon this CD among the stuff that Jesus brought to Dallas, thought the sleeve looked FAR OUT, and threw it in my suitcase. We must've let the Thrill Kill tape loop 4 times on the way down to Columbus in the car. "Apollo 69" and "Universal Luxury" definitely qualify as X-Day anthems. These people are sleazemeisters deluxe. It's the ULTIMATE in "driving to do a Devival" music. Makes one feel BAAAD just to be LISTENING to it.
Why is it that most modern bands that I "get into" are concept or novelty bands, all of whose members use fake names and clever handles? (I.e., Gwar, Mojo Nixon, SLC, etc... Thrill Kill members include Groovie Mann, Cinderella Pussy, Kitty Kildare, Dick Fury, Buzz McCoy etc.) HUMAN CARTOONS... that's the appeal. All the SubGenii are human cartoons. That's why DEVIVALS are fun. The Yetinsyny are not JUST themselves; they seem somehow like GROSS EXAGGERATIONS of themselves, one-of-a-kind and YET ARCHETYPAL. This can backfire, certainly, in the case of people who happen to be geeky assholes, but heck, the rest are worth it. Someone else once told me that she would have left me over the Church (for its first 12 years it was a money drain, you might say), BUT FOR THE COOL PEOPLE WE MET through it. One of my main personal motivations for going to work for Dobbs 16 years ago was because I thought it might be a good LURE for the COLLABORATORS that I knew must be out there, and I was RIGHT. PRAISE DOT-FACE!!
GLAMOUR IS A ROCKY ROAD
About 5 miles short of our final exit in Columbus, in cold driving rain, the Doe-mobile DIED. Just flat-out DIED on the highway. First the windshield wipers slowed to a halt, Thrill Kill pooped out, and finally the motor konked as we rolled onto the shoulder. We got out to reconnoiter just how bad the situation was, and Princess Wei, who NOTICES details like this, pointed out that we were right next to a billboard for the Jim Hendrix Insurance Company. What would otherwise have been an obvious attack by NHGH actually turned out to be stroke of incredible good luck: we happened to break down 50 yards from an exit full of service stations. We even got a RIDE from an obvious non-serial-killer and didn't have to trudge through rain for long. Triple-A answered Wei's telepathic call for help INSTANTLY, the tow-truck driver was a hilarious and very friendly human cartoon unto himself, and he found the ONE OPEN REPAIR SHOP on a Saturday late afternoon -- which HAPPENED to be within WALKING DISTANCE of our FINAL DESTINATION!!... and they HAD THE MAZDA ALTERNATOR tin stock. After only 2.5 hours we were right back to normal. Thus we know it was NHGH vs. Hendrix, and Hendrix won. If the alternator had died TWO MINUTES EARLIER or LATER we'd have been FUCKED BIG TIME.
THEA'S PEPERONI SPAGHETTI
The devivals in Columbus were basically to be blamed on Rev. Thea Haston, a free lance luck magick practitioner, and Dr. Ro-Z Mendelson of the infamous MONKEY'S RETREAT bookstore (and the band, The Mendelsonics) in Columbus. Thea was the one who got the ball rolling, and a whole bunch of us ended up crashing at the child-proofed pad of her and husband Bud and kidling Breckland. Dr. Dynasoar stayed at the EconoLodge.
LOOKS LIKE A WHOLE BUNCHA HIPPIES DON'T IT
Saturday night we "did show" in what was two weeks earlier a BANK -- complete with bank vaults and clerk windows as an unexpectedly appropriate setting for a devival! This was part of the Witches Ball street festival, so beer-drenched fest-goers of all 9 genders came and went throughout. A goth-like band called QUEU UP played first, then St. @ndrew did an intro, and Thea and Bud sang AMAZING GRACE to the tune of GILLIGAN'S ISLAND and vice versa, after which I did the usual Moment of Noise/Intro/MoneyBurning/etc. routine and Part One of the SubGenius 101 rant . Then Dr. Dynasoar and Steve Slack performed their Yetwisted versions of old acid rock tunes (as heard on the X-Day tapes and on HoS 552-3).
During a break, Pope Lou Duchez of Berea presented us with his greatest donation ever, a bottle of Winking Lizard Tavern BBQ Sauce, that condiment of which he has ranted on alt.slack -- and FOR GOOD REASON. The stuff IS superior. I've already gone through half the bottle, but then, I drink it straight.
I am told that everybody but me ended up street-preaching outside the Devival Bank building, tangling with Xians and Pinks. Somebody else will have to write up that.
QUEU UP played some more, and after that I was faced with a greatly dwindled audience of 13 or so. I long ago learned that to attempt a full-on robot chubby rant for 13 people is folly, so it devolved into a rather laid back Q&A session. This was followed by a true thrash-metal band, Urban Grind Core Guerrillas, who sure reenergized me. We got some video shots of Steve Slack in the Joe Riley Dobbs Mask and a business suit emerging happily from the bank vault.
Post-show, we all went to eat at the Mecca of Cheap Burgers, White Castle. The White Castle franchise doesn't extend south to Texas, so I consider those little burgers a special treat, subsequent stomach aches notwithstanding.
HOTTEST PARTY IN TOWN
I was rudely awakened at Thea's on Sunday morning by loud raucous SubGenius laughter. That morning's episode of the TV show Pete Vs. Pete on Nickelodeon happened to feature the quest for the DEATH of "Bob" the Bass by all the amateur fisherman characters on the show... apparently every third line was incredibly synchronistical in a Dobbsful way. If anybody happened to catch a tape of this...?
Amazing how forgiving and sane I become after about 150 mg of caffeine. Relatively. The Subs at Thea's got to see me before and after. Like many SubGenii, I can swing from TOTAL BAD-VIBE-RADIATING ASSHOLE to nice guy in seconds. Heh... but I am FAT AND HAPPY in the SURE KNOWLEDGE that when @ndrew is my age, he will UNDERSTAND EXACTLY.
I must give St. @ndrew credit for making himself useful; he has a gift for Dobbsian Sales Table gab, and I'll grudgingly admit he's a promising ranter. And cuteness on any preacher's part adds up to more bucks for me personally, and more BAD GIRLS for the Church at large.
There was a "booksigning/rant" at this famous bulldada bookstore at 4 on Sunday, attended by maybe 30 or so? Again, "ranting" was not called for so much as Q&A. I personally prefer being forced to extemporaneously answer questions out of the blue; every now and then it pisses me off so much that I actually become SINCERE for brief moments. It also helps take the curse off the clumsy tradition of "book signings" -- no SubGenius wants to feel like he's kissing some others SubGenius's ass. With a small number of people, it's possible to RELATE on an individual level, so why not do that instead of "PERFORM"? Besides, I'm insecure about being thought an asshole. I AM an asshole, make no mistake. But it's bad business to LET ON that one is an asshole, so I try to act like a for-real down-home sorta regular Joe Mutant. Besides, I actually am concerned about these SubGenius strangers. I generally assume that if somebody was interested enough in this shit to drive to a book signing, they're probably pretty cool on some level (or else utterly despicable, but those are easy to spot). One must project the right IMAGE, in the case an image of OPENNESS and TOLERANCE of eccentricities. Unless it's the MEDIA that you're talking to. Then you wanna project a FRIGHTENING ATMOSPHERE OF POTENTIAL VIOLENCE, SECRET SOCIETY OCCULTISM and SLEAZY ORGIASTIC SEX. Proper cult stuff, to get their attention. Jim Jones set the cult p.r. level up real high and matching HIS little stunt is NOT EASY.
A couple of earnest kids had driven to Columbus all the way from Ithaca College in New York to videotape this devival for a docuvid they're doing for school... I got a big kick out of doing a quicky interview with them. They had all these dead-serious questions -- some about the implied violence in SubGenius material, and the old sexism question -- and the more serious the question, the thicker the layer I'm motivated to spread over the answer. The reverse is also true.
A batch of us had dinner at a nearby restaurant. I finally got to yak with Dr. Dynasoar about real stuff like his job, my job, our families etc. At the time he was wearing a Barnum and Bailey Circus Crew jumpsuit.
CHEAP TRICKS FOR KICKS
The main Devival at Staches was an artistic success from my perspective. The band and back-up ranters were great, the audience seemed to get off, and I was energized. I dunno how financial a success it was, but I got paid. Staches is a user-friendly bar with a long record of weirdness into which we seemed to fit vibes-wise.
Ro-Z's band The Mendelsonics opened. Refreshingly, they're NOT an antimusic nor pretentious art-rock group, but a straight-down r&b/c&w gangbunch. All covers, no original songs, but the tunes they cover are IMPECCABLY SELECTED and authentically performed. They sound a little like The Ventures with a singer. From obscure soul hits to Elvis' "Kissing Cousins" to old Ernest Tubbs country songs, they ROOOLED MAN! Their medley of dark TV themes (Peter Gunn, Hawaii 5-0, The Munsters, etc.) had us up fruggin' and froggin'. A big TV on stage displayed Mexican SANTO wrestler movies continuously...
St. @ndrew (who actually KNOWS Thrill Kill Kult!!!) took the "Moment of Noise" job, and delivered an opening rant using all-new concepts and gags that occured to him mostly that week (on Hour of Slack 552). St. @ndrew still "shits too close to the house" but I predict he'll be one of the top ranters once an old-timer or two die off (shouldn't be long, if I know NHGH). I hope the video sound is better than what I copped on my beat-up little hand-held...
This evening I started with SubGenius 101 Part 3. (I did Part 2, the "Involuntary Slack Confessions" part, to END the show this time... just CUZ.) The Drs. 4 "Bob"/DK Jones instrumental background music tape was running and the Preaching Video was displayed on the big TV on stage. Earlier in the evening somebody had told me they liked the Saturday and booksigning preaching "okay, even though you were so laid back." That made me realize that I HAD been taking it easy, and I vowed to myself to make up for it by really RIPPING INTO 'EM for this devival. And I did, I mean I tried to put every ounce of sweat into it. That's a lot of sweat. You should smell my Yanni suit.
You pour energy into your rant and you expel fluid accordingly. Dr. Dynasoar and Steve Slack expelled fluids aplenty while performing their X-Day hits (the ones based on "For What It's Worth" and "Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner") with Wei back-up vocals. Steve Slack blew the wet stage dry, spewing a really strange and heartfelt rant, not quite off the top of his head, but he had "written" it the day before during the drive to Columbus after seeing a pamphlet for Christian truckers in a truckstop. He SPAZZED OUT in the delivery. It was very personal and real, no showbiz Pinkness there. Frightening, in fact. (HoS 553 side 2)
Dr. Dynasoar read the audience his classic Dr. Seuss-based bedtime story. You alt.slack.shitz read Dyna's excellent writing CONSTANTLY and no doubt you have a "voice" in your head that goes with his posts. The REAL way that he actually SPEAKS is probably EVEN BETTER.
I closed the SubGenius part of the evening with Sub 101 Part 2, "Involuntary Slack." While ranting I kept seeing this GUY in the audience out of the corner of my eye and thinking, "Boy, it's weird how total strangers can look just like old friends when you're this HYPED"... after I finished I climbed off the stage and that staring geek walked up and IT WAS IN FACT MY OLD FRIEND BROTHER CLEVE "DONUT" DUNKAN!!! Normally of BOSTON! And accompanied by The Millionairre, of the band COMBUSTIBLE EDISON.
They were on their way to a Combustible Edison gig in Lawrence, Kansas, had stopped at a Columbus hotel for the night, and noticed the Devival in the paper.
It a GAS to be able to introduce Cleve to Princess Wei, Rev. Toth Wilder, and other Ohioan Subs, completing in some still-unknown way a great CIRCLE... Cleve himself is a veritable LOCUS of bulldada; he and The Millionaire had just returned to the states after visiting and collaborating with ESQUIVEL (!!!!!!!) and attending Mexican masked wrestler events... the coolness was so thick you could cut it still beating out of its chest with a knife, right there on the street outside Staches in Columbus. I wanted to rip Thea's clothes off her in gratitude for making this moment happen.
Back to Cleveland for last minute Brycean sessions, program swapping with Chameleon Club... back home. 64 emails, 7 phone messages. Vreedeez re Politically Incorrect. big box of tapes. Wandarer tsp'ed HoS 549-550, I got 'em loaded, must do email now, dubbed all the videos for audio, copped the frame-grabs, tweaked 'em into jpegs, did the email, crunched down the Goovies, recrunched the Goovies, answered more email, finished this, did
HOUR OF SLACK #552-3
H-552, Side 1
THOUGHT ALCHEMY by Von Grafen (amazing rants by old SubMember, very hard-hitting and depressing, excerpted throughout this show)
Nice titles w/ young Sivet from Intros col./Chas intro f/ESO
MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT: "Hit & Run Holiday"
THE MENDELSONICS -- "Hawaii 5-0" instrumental from Columbus Subshow
Stang does credits, intro
PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES barrage mix by Rev. DAD TOWNSEND, recut by Stang
ESO RADIO (WCSB Cleveland) -- Einstein's Secret Orchestra, 10-24-96: Lonesome Cowboy Dave intros STANG'S PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION SPEECH (guided by Dave while Chas pumps along on keyboard) Stang's off-cuff PatrioPsychotic AnarchoMaterialist speech (includes riff off Dynasoar's "Every SubGenius should be President")
THOUGHT ALCHEMY continues, "you're a loser"
THE FLYIN' RYAN BROS: "Signs of the Times"
ESO cont: Stang & Dave "DOOMSAYING, end of the world" w/ Koyaanisquatsi music, ++
ends with "cut your feet off to make you fit the coffin"
Thought Alchemy cont.
Thrill Kill Kult: "Hot Blood Rising"
Thought Alchemy cont.
ESO RADIO "Doomsday" cont. --
"You gonna call The Man at 911, or you gone call 669-2323 and talk to the Man with the Pipe?" Rant about The Faithless. (++)... The Morlocks (us) vs. the Eloi (them).
Thrill Kill: "Universal Luxury" clip
St@ndrew's INTRO RANT from COLUMBUS DEVIVAL 10-27-96
Dr. DYNASOAR song "Mr. Xist Man"
ESO Radio cont:
X-DAY rant, builds up to impromptu "Stang's First Day on the Escape Vessels" "skit," Stang meets Elvis, Lenny Bruce on his Escape Vessel, then becomes bored with Escape Vessels after about 4 hours of all wishes being granted, then LCDave shows up and forces Stang to realize that things have been going horribly wrong aboard the Escape Vessels... DOBBS & JESUS GYPPED US! "Hound Dog" Elvis/ESO version
PO Boxes, credits, end
Back to document index
Original file name: A BUSY WEEK 10-29
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.