BIRTH OF THE ANTICHRIST
IT'S ALIVE!!! IT'S ALIVE!!!
THE FOOLS! The BLIND FOOLS in Vienna... they MOCKED me. They called me a
crackpot... a madman! Said I was WASTING MY TIME. And the villagers... they
think I don't hear their sneering peasant snickers, as they mill about
outside my laboratory walls, living out their pointless little lives. "The
crazy hippie in the big house" they call me. We'll see who's crazy.
For I was RIGHT ALL ALONG!! My theory was CORRECT! The key to the secret of
life IS in the foot gland!
And prophecy said: the first Beast was given power to breathe life into the
IMAGE of the SECOND Beast...
...and so He is born, web-surfing towards Bethlehem!!
I HAVE DONE IT!!! Last Thursday night, during the storm, I dared to
challenge GOD HIMSELF. I sent up the kites. The THING laid out on my slab
took the full brunt of Wotan's hurled bolts of Wrath. It TWITCHED! It
GROANED! It TOOK A BREATH!
AND IT GOT UP, AND IT WALKED!!!
It died very soon, collapsing like a rag doll into a puddle. And it's just
as well... it was a failed experiment. "BOB1TEST1CU" I called it. A
miserable half-"Bob," a disgusting travesty of the ideal Dobbsian form. I
expected setbacks; I expect more failures. GOD did not make HIS world in a
day. Nothing that a few more trips to the graveyard won't fix. For now I
know it is POSSIBLE. It CAN be done.
Dr. Praetorious and I don't NEED to sleep, like The Others. In fact, even
while I am down here on my wife's machine, he is upstairs rendering the
latest revision of the latest form, "Bob" #5, in Ray Dream Designer.
Indeed, in the last 48 hours before I was wrenched away to preach at the
Rutgers devival in New Jersey , I created and brought to life at least 3
drooling, shuffling attempts at The AntiBob. Since returning, I have hewed
and honed the form into yet a 5th improvement. For I am attempting no less
than... -- the AntiBob itself.
Prophecy demands it. We must have the Virtual Dobbs, the AI "False Prophet"
AntiBob up and running by X-Day -- 430 days from now!!! And it must be
done just right. It MUST remain in OUR CONTROL, not like last time. We
cannot afford to let it get away from us. It must not fall into the hands
of The Conspiracy. For no doubt They are rushing ahead on their own
blashemous VR DObbs.
I cannot keep up in this parts race alone and have decided to unveil my
secret, and ask help from my fellow Doktors. I had to use criminal brains
in two of the three experiments so far, and we MUST get fresher, higher
For now the AI aspects are taking backseat to simply getting the body
right. But we are hindered by two problems.
1) 16 mb of RAM is not enough
2) I don't know what the hell I'm doing
I can fix the RAM problem by robbing a store. Only TIME will heal that
second sore, though. IF ONLY THEY WOULD LEAVE ME IN PEACE!!!! TO COMPLETE
What I'm trying to do (for now) is make the perfect all-purpose Poser
"Bob." That is, replace the standard male Poser head with a Dobbshead. Once
he is perfected, we then have a template from which an infinite variety of
3D Dobbses can be used not only in Poser, but in all manner of other 3D
programs. Poser exports him as 3DMF, Detailer.text, and our old friend
.DXF, although he loses his Poser texture mapping when he leaves Poser and
has to be repainted (or else simply composited in). (ALTHOUGH if I had the
Ray Dream Designer 4.12 UPGRADE instead of this pathetic 4.0, I'd be able
to retain the Poser texture map into Ray Dream and vice versa. HINT, HINT!)
(Since Metatools just went to bed with Fractal, this sort of thing should
soon be much easier as Painter, Detailer, Designer, and Bryce and KPT etc
etc. all have children together.)
Anyway. Simply mapping a 2D Dobbshead (such as, in this case, the superb
Pipeless "Bob" by Vandewalker, the Pipe being a separate element) onto a
generic Male Poserhead AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH. That Poser man has a simpering
Pink little smile. Dobbs has a HUGE GRIN. I have attempted to FAKE that
huge grin onto the Poserhead lips by combining bump maps (of "smile
creases" and "flat teeth") and the image map of the Dobbshead, but as you
will see by the drooling shuffling half-Bobs and failed experiments, it
just doesn't FLY. In fact, trying to force that grin over the pursed lips
almost always just makes him look like a joker with a mustache and albino
lips. The illusion works for long shots, but we MUST be able to look him
right in the eye. "Bob"5 will not be grinning... but maybe "Bob"6 will.
His HAIR is also a problem. I am not far advanced in shape-molding and have
been using a clip-art "wig" on the otherwise Bald Headed Poser Bob. This is
unfortunately a '70s disco haircut. (Also, I have not bothered to give it a
hairlike texture yet, so it looks sort of DEVOesque. Tonight if time
permits, I will attempt to remake this one, perhaps using Pixel Putty,
Sculptor or Strata.)
The Pipe is not a problem, although I have not yet textured it. And,
although the current models all have rather shiny, vinyl-looking skin, I
think I can correct that fairly easily in "Bob" 6. Obviously, his left
eyebrow needs to be pulled in a little more, the shadows under his eyes and
cheeks need to be minimized STILL MORE (but if you lose 'em, he no longer
looks like "Bob"!), and I need to work on giving him a lighter-colored
We must replace the lower half of the Poser head with a GRINNING mouth. I
suppose it could be done as a negative Boolean on the existing Poser head,
or an all-new head could be built from scratch, which I can then import
onto Poser. I have managed to separate a Poser-head dxf from the rest of
the body, if anybody feels up to this task. I also have the Pipe dxf (a
Funway original, I believe) and the Wig dxf for anyone who wants to take a
crack at improving those. The hairdo is the next big obstacle. It should
remain removable and separate simply to make the texture mapping easier, to
it doesn't merge with the skin and blur up.
These Poser people are not very high-res in the image maps, leastwise my
memory won't let 'em be. Their bodies however are massively huge in terms
of memory -- the Businessman Bob shape with pipe is 4.5 megs as a DXF file.
I am thinking that a seperate 3-part Dobbshead (Head, Wig, Pipe) could be
made JUST FOR BRYCE. (Since Bryce can't use Poser's maps, only its shapes).
That way I could pose the "all-gray one-texture" BODY-SUIT (MINUS THE HEAD
AND HANDS), copy that to Bryce, THEN add the head and hands with their own
flesh colors and maps. Hmmm hmmm hmmm.
I am just now doing the hands-on, learning -on-the-job part of this. I have
been reading manuals for a month so as to know what's possible. I have
found that in practice... with 16 megs of RAM (32 with Virtual Memory)...
IT TAKES TOO FUCKING LONG.
I have many very specific scenes planned and do not particularly want to
eat or sleep until I have this guy up and running. Let me know if you want
a copy of the .DXF Poserhead, wig and Pipe.
Enjoy these various failed homunculi (to be sent later):
OTHER CHURCH NEWS:
The Rutgers Devival was LOADS OF FUN mainly due to the wonderful
hostmanship by Rev. Eyre Rend, WanDarer, Greatest Net Sound Digitizer on
Earth Farm One. On Friday we leave for the ATLANTA devivals.
All I can think about is this damned 3D Dobbs, and moving on to the next
stage... the SETS, SAUCERS, ELDER GODS, TEMPLES, TUNNELS and CONNIEs. And
destroyed cities and concentration camps. After I get more RAM.
SALESMAN? ANTICHRIST? SKUNKBREATH?
An especially strange and chromey-looking hairdo on this one... an
ill-advised bump map created in too big of a hurry.
"Bob" himself is, as has been said a million times, the anti-AntiChrist.
Needless to say, this is not a photo of "Bob," but a crude computer
fake-"BOB". BUT!!! -- The AntiChrist will be the FALSE "Bob." The False
"Bob" is what THIS VR DOBBSHEAD WILL BECOME!! That is why he is merely
SMILING, and not GRINNING. This was all worked out ahead of time. We are
FATED to fulfill prophecy. You people had best WISE UP.
Subject: - AREALPOSER2.JPG (0/1) What a POSER!
A particularly prissy little Sportscaster-Type Dobbs-homunculus in his 50s.
From this distance you can hardly tell that his teeth are only painted onto
his lips. This one was small, a runt, and since it doesn't eat much I still
have it alive, in a jar.
Subject: - HOW-DO2.JPG (0/1) Meet "CHICKEN HAWK "BOB""
Notice that this old cribfisherman's neck is GROSSLY DEFORMED. Don't ask
me... The bad bump map (called "badbump.bump") caused the smile-creases to
look like a mustache, and his skin to look wrinkled. The gray hair adds up
to an especially decrepit and degenerate psuedo-Dobbs.
This one got out and is probably still wandering around East Dallas
somewhere, if it hasn't been run over or starved to death.
Subject: - BOB1Yogi2.JPG (0/1) Shove It Right In
The very first stitched-together corpse didn't look bad, if you stood far
enough back from it. This one never really levitated -- it was sitting in
front of a blue screen and I just superimposed it over an old Bryce scene.
Subject: - Insanitoid2.JPG (0/1) INSANITOIA!!!
INSANITOIA!! in the Zone Between The Twilite Zones on The Outer Limits One
Step Beyond the X Files
A combination of two out-takes -- an OLD accident from Bryce, and a
"skinned" PoserDobbs that looked more appropriate this way ("nude") than
with his texture on.
Subject: - BOBLeap42.JPG (0/1) Comin' Atcha
Just like BobLeap22 but with different lighting.
Subject: - POINTING2.JPG (0/1) Buck-Toothed, Shiny-Haired Yokel
"IGNORE MY TEETH!"
I tried simply DRAWING IN THE MOUTH in Photoshop.
But... I cannot draw.
This guy was so stupid looking, I just took him out back behind the barn
and shot him.
Recycled the other parts into "Bob" 3, who actually turned out even UGLIER
-- I tried to outsmart myself and wound up making it worse.
Subject: - ElvisBob2.JPG (0/1) The King
This fucked-up early experiment nonetheless partakes of holiness, for
obvious reasons. The resemblance is entirely an accident. The borrowed wig
is used the way it was meant originally by its creators; to make it look
more Dobbslike, in later models I tilted it and sunk it some into the
Notice how his right eye (your left) is diseased and wall-eyed looking. The
texture tends to slide around on the somewhat slippery surface of the
model. "Pushing" his eyeball inwards a little solved the problem in later
The "Painted On Teeth" effect is at its worst here, lending a 5-oclock
clown shadow to his cast.
Subject: - BURROUGHSBOB2.JPG (0/1) Naked Lunch Face
Looks just like WIlliam S. Burroughs, doesn't he?
The ravages of an experimental bump map (a noisy one) show in the skin
disease of this poor old horse-faced sot, who seemed to have been BORN at
age 90. This is about as hideous as my little playmates got. At this point
I was tearing through them, I wasn't even bothering with hair, just
slapping a DEVO headress on top and taking a picture for posterity before
putting them right back into the vat.
Subject: - CloneBob2.JPG (0/1) A Jolly Litle Buddy
EARLY CLONE "BOB" 1
On my very first attempt, I tried to merely "PAINT" "Bob's" hair onto the
bald pate of the body.
I liked the way this little fellow looked, even though he resembles
"ESCAPEE DOBBS" rather than any proper True Dobbs. He was so
cheerful,furthermore, that we were charmed and let him live. In fact he's
pushing a broom back and forth across the factory floor just outside my
office even as I speak. (He's been doing that for the last 5 hours,
chuckling to himself, showing no signs of getting bored!) He's only about 4
feet tall... we were conserving flesh on the early ones. By comparison,
"Bob" 5 is 6 feet tall.
Subject: - BOBsick2.JPG (0/1) Failed Experiment #4
SICK "BOB" (bod 4, skin #5)
The False Dobbs still has a touch of Texture Map Pox in this model. "Bob" 6
should be free of the leprosy, rickets and palsy. The lupus may be harder
to shake, but it's not as obvious.
This one came off the slab sick, and stayed that way during its entire
(mercifully short) life.
I've been told that if we feed them lemons(!), these golems will cease to
suffer the diarhhea that has plagued previous generations.
Subject: - PBOBTEST52.JPG (0/1) The Stupidest Dobbsclone of All
ULP!! -- PBObTest #1
It's actually hard as hell to place that Pipe (you have to work in the
near-dark with only a red darkroom bulb), and the first few times, I
stabbed these goofy-looking jaw-Bobs right through the lips.
I'm embarrassed about trying to "force" that grin-rictus onto the pursed lips.
That just drove me crazy.
We need to either build him a proper MOUTH, lower mandible and everything,
or... how much does it cost to do one of those 3D scans? We HAVE a
life-cast, a BUST of Dobbs (the masks were made from it). Does anybody
have one of those "claw" doohickies you love over a grid on the bust, or
should we take up a collection, or what?
Paul Mavrides got a PPP account and has email, web etc. So far he HATES the
Internet. I am going to try VERY VERY VERY HARD to lure him this-away,
ya'll. Wish me luck; he's so cantankerous and mean, he makes me look like
Bambi. Actually I guess I do look a little like Bambi anyway. But he can
sure whup them graphics, let me tell you, and the old Eeyore NEEDS a new
"underground" to fuck off in. Imagine THE FABULOUS FURRY FREAK BROTHERS
being the STRAIGHT job you're RETIRING from. Whew.
Subject: - BOB3preset.JPG (0/1) Another Very Sickly "Bob"
Rendering in "quicky" mode on a crude early model made for an especially
sickly looking SlackMaster.
I like the way this one's eyeball "peeks over" its own eyelid. The Emmet
Kelley sad clown mouth , the ugly lighting, the unrendered pipe and hairdo,
the redundant shading, and the inexplicable scars all combine to make this
a truly repugnant AntiDobbs.
Subject: - BOB2CU.JPG (0/1) Last One is the First
Very early Bob2CU with elongated and tapered Head.
In vain attempts to "fit" the "mouth," I experimented with various skull
shapes for the generic male Poser head (it's stretchable and taperable on
the top only) and found that their plain, generic, normal scale head seems
to fit Dobbs' face best.
I guess that figures.
This primitive and ugly psuedo-Dobbs is suspected to be the missing link
between the so-called "ProtoBob1" and the alleged "ZinjanthroBob3"
(possibly a hoax).
Copyright 1997 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
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