I had the oddest P.R.-4-Dobbs coincidence happen today. (Aug. 26, 1999)
It started with me taking my morning Hate and for some reason, fixating
on the main AM talk station here in Dallas, KLIF, and how they'd never
treated our Church with the respect it deserved, although they used to
have me on, and everybody loved it, but suddenly that one smarmy DJ
started putting me down, grrr, grumble, in Cleveland they give me my
own show, rrrr... I dunno what brought it on; I just had to hate
something for a few minutes. These Hate-Ons are a regular thing I do...
I have it down to only about 15 minutes a day now.
Anyway, this evening I get a call from a DJ at KLIF, Wally Lynn of
Wally and the Fish show, which was a new one on me, asking me to be
call-in guest... TONIGHT! But the funny thing was, he was NOT initially
setting out to call me about a Church of the SubGenius related radio
appearance. In fact, he wasn't calling "me" at all. He was calling
"firstname.lastname@example.org," the webmaster of retired pro wrestler Kevin
Von Erich's website, because KLIF is planning to have Kevin on as a
guest (AND to stream video of one of his wildest fights in RealVideo on
their website, www.klif.com)... and I happen to be that very webmaster,
in a side moonlighting job!
But Wally got my ANSWERING MACHINE, which says "Praise "Bob"
immediately and assumes that you're gonna leave a message about the
Church of the SubGenius. (And tells you to order shit from Jesus' phone
Wally heard that and went, "SHIT! Church of the SubGenius! Oh, YEAH!!!
RIGHT!! I FORGOT!" And invited me on his show this very night.
Did my HATE VENGEANCE bout prompt a media "hex" or "spell"? Do I just
need to HATE MORE to get MORE P.R. and thus MORE SALES? So as to bring
MORE GLORY to DOBBS' MIGHTY FLAGSHIP and thus SAVE SOULS GLOBALLY AND
EN TOTO, FOREVER??!?
I did the talk show with Wally and the Fish about 30 minutes after they
invited me. I had time to call my daughter and let her know it was
gonna be on. (She caught the end of it.) I can't say that it was an
especially inspired performance by me, until near the end at least, but
I was trying to be on my best behavior regarding any SUDDEN BITTER
OUTBURSTS, so I just stuck to the shucks-ya'll good ol' boy "Some
People Will Believe Anything," motif. Mostly. Kept my claws retracted.
For the most part. I couldn't help lashing out a couple of times in a
mean way at the Southern Baptists specifically. (It's personal.) The
important thing is, I got the PO box, the website URL, and the MWOWM
email robot info out in a clear and distinct manner.
Got one call-in from a guy who's apparently a beloved REGULAR on
Wally's show, who goes by the handle, "The Eloquent Gay." He WAS pretty
eloquent! Turns out he had been a fan of Hour of Slack since highschool
15 years ago... but wanted to know where gays stood in the Church these
days. AHHH, that's EXACTLY THE ONE I LOVE MOST TO ANSWER IN DALLAS,
especially when I know there are thousands of Southern Baptists
listening. AHHHHHHHHH. Ooooh. Mmmmmmm. I almost CAME when I got to
deliver THAT little true-life example. Which starts with the day I told
a hick in-law about those wild wacky nutty extravagant crazy characters
in the Church that are also my friends, like P-Lil, and Popess Nikita,
and so on, who happen to be of "minority genders". I guess I was
bragging, to freak this hick rube Baptist out. He said, "I don't think
I'd like the kind of people that go to your church!" And I said,
"That's why they go to MY church instead of YOURS." And it's SO IRONIC,
that the very freaks and weirdos that Jesus talked about treating
decent, end up being BANNED by Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Islam,
and everything else, and the only place they have to go to is a god
damned JOKE CHURCH like The Church of the SubGenius. "IF THAT AIN'T A
SIGN OF THE END TIMES, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!"
A suitable adios to the Dallas, Texas radio airwaves.
Did you know that "The Hour of Slack" IS, AFTER ALL, on the radio in
Dallas? (AND San Francisco?)
Not OUR "Hour of Slack." It's only CALLED that. It's an hour of
commercial-free corporate ROCKIN' HITS at DRIVE-TIME in both cities on
FM stations with monikers like "The Edge" and "The Zoo." (If you travel
much, you'll notice that every city has a station called The Edge, and
another called The Zoo.) Sometimes, on these "Hours of Slack," in fact,
on pretty much ANY corpo rock station, you'll hear "media barrages" --
creatively juxtaposed assemblages of cheesy old movie and radio
recordings! Shock-editted together for camp effect! And MANY NORMAL TV
COMMERCIALS now look just like "ARISE"!!! HOW COOL!! HOW... EDGE.
***** BITTER GRIPE BITCH SHIT!!! ******
Oh well, fuck it! I built my own ship. T-minus "HEUNH!" and counting.
Hear my train comin'.
Copyright 1999 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
"Ignoring the shit in this church is like ignoring the sea
when you're stuck on Gilligan's Island."
-- Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume
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