I went and got me the fastest, slickest Macintoch computer in the
universe, 100 megahertz processor, and a 28.8 modem, and it STILL takes
just as long to read this damned newsgroup. Wouldn't ya know it.
But I have to hand it to Apple. They totally revamped their operating
system and yet almost ALL the ancient programs still work. All except the
one that I use the most, Microsoft Word. Figures. Leave it to Microsoft.
(Or was it deliberate... was this Apple's most devious plan yet?) Well,
ONE other program required hours of tedious researching and ftp-ing -- the
one that allows you to connect to the Internet AT ALL. I got it working --
I'm sending this from the new 7500 Power Mac -- but it won't let you TURN
IT OFF!!! All these amazing capabilities and the only thing that's still
screwed up is the ON-OFF switch.
What a world.
It is nice to be able to skim through web sites such as my own, though.
Plus I can listen to hideous Captain Beefheart bootleg CDs playing on the
computer while working. I could watch TV on the screen too if I wanted to.
The miracles of modern technology. I can have THREE TVs and 5 CD players
running all at once in various parts of the office. IF ONLY I COULD TURN
Isn't it wonderful, how computers save you so much time? It only took me
three days to get this thing up and running.
Oops, I spent too long writing this and Metronet hung up on me due to
nothing having been pumped through their valves for 15 minutes. Thanks to
the new improved MacTCP I have to shut down the whole machine just to dial
'em up again and send this.
But I'm sure some brilliant hacker will upgrade the shareware just in time
for me to need another new processor.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to think about "Bob" like a good SubGenius
instead of all this mechanical stuff.
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
From: email@example.com (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Subject: Re: Well I be Danged
On Tue. Sep 5, 1995, firstname.lastname@example.org told All:
isc> It is nice to be able to skim through web sites such as my own,
> though. Plus I can listen to hideous Captain Beefheart bootleg CDs
> playing on the computer while working. I could watch TV on the
> screen too if I wanted to. The miracles of modern technology. I can
> have THREE TVs and 5 CD players running all at once in various parts
> of the office. IF ONLY I COULD TURN THEM OFF.
DANGER! High level CON directed EMR localized in Foundation HQ.
Input/output ratio exceeding critical limits.
All biologics still functioning seek photon proof barriers.
Do not emerge from cover until Zombies have cut the power.
Conversion to a vegetable is a very real possibility.
You will be given a legal pad and a box of pencils to use.
This is the only way to save you from yourself.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. - Asimov
email@example.com The Doctor is on.
Back to document index
Original file name: Well I be Danged
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.