This week we finished moving into our shiny new Headquarters Building in historic Dallas, Texas!
I built my own ship!
It won't fly; it won't even move. But it has a GREAT heat shield and instrument panel, as seen in the slide show below.
The new edifice overlooks the mansion-lined Swiss Avenue area of Lakewood (mistakenly named as the 7-5-1998 gathering place in THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS), scant blocks from the Sacred P.O. Box itself. Just for old times' sake, I frequently leave my "bat cave" office and accompany the guards of the armored trucks on their hourly runs between the office and the P.O., carrying bags of orders and money.
I really did "BUILD MY OWN SHIP" -- that is, I took this opportunity to have the Bombies completely rework the capsule that holds my command modules. After many test missions, and the gradual jettisoning of a ton of dross, this one should be a "go" for XX-Day. I've decided that I'm going to haul the entire SubGenius Church Archives with me when I leave. But I must have the most EFFICIENT and APPROPRIATE LEVELS OF ACCESS. That's the key. To keep the frequently used tools such as the attitude control jets, the software, periscope, onboard computer and main parachute NEARBY. There's no reason things like the infrared sensors, TV cameras and "escape rocket" can't fold up into the storage bay until July.
In the new arrangement, I can swivel around in 3D within an inverted cube between the work stations for Audio, Video, Computer, Paper, 'Frop Admixturation, and Sexhurt or Money Changing (depending on the time of day and trajectory). I can see out the portholes, but no one else can see in. I don't have to get up to flip tapes or make coffee; hoses carry the fluids into me from the automated kitchen, and another tube carries liquid and solid waste to the vacuum toilet and thence to the fuel containment processors. I only have to disengage my MoonPants(TM) once a day, to go to the sleep module. After I wake, I stop at the autokitchenette and pick up a supply of food to stow in the overhead bin, reseal the MoonPants(TM) and I'm back in the saddle for another 18 hours!
The new office even has what I call a special "Bat Closet" wherein is stashed the complete Devival Travel Kit (which springs out on display platforms when the door is opened): the lightweight Cleveland pulpit, the heavyweight Strange pulpit, my preaching costumes and armor, the Vertical Hanging Propaganda Banners and Giant Vinyl Dobbsheads, plus the rear projection videos, Pil Dispensory, devival music CDs and laugh track carts, tripod, audience prods, multiprong condom supply and video robot.
I have a chain of video dubbing machinery with the VHS array on one end, and a VINTAGE BETAMAX DECK on the other! Between X-Day 98 video dubs, I've been safety-dubbing the old 1980s Church Devival, Music Video and Pornography betamax collections down to VHS. The recently repaired Betamax player is on a rotating carousel and is easily swapped out with a slide projector, a kinetoscope, a Super-8/8mm projector, a 16mm Kodak Pageant (you remember those!), a 9.5mm projector just in case, and even a "ditto" type of "mimeograph" machine, the kind your teacher printed tests on, with slick paper and blue ink that smelled funny, like chemicals, if you were a little kid in the 60s.
I have a perfect, brand new, heavy duty heat shield on the office, never used, because this building has never undergone launching, much less re-entry and splashdown. But JUST IN CASE. Never can be too sure of Y-1.99999-K won't hit EARLY.
Now, if only I could get a cable modem going here, and a robot that flips tapes. Until then, though, this "tuna can" will suffice, for as far as I plan to go in it, anyway.