From: mcvax!ukc!strath-cs!glasgow!jack@uunet.uu.net (Mr Jack Campin)
Subject: Ruskies find Heaven to the left of Pluto
First Hitler on the moon, and now this ...
Front page story from the Sunday Sport, 22 May 1988.
[text has been deleted in a need-to-know fashion.]
After travelling through tunnel of light ...
SPACECRAFT TAKES PICTURES OF HEAVEN
SCENES MATCH DESCRIPTION OF LIFE-AFTER-DEATH
* EXCLUSIVE *
INCREDIBLE space pictures of HEAVEN were last night backed by the Vatican as
GENUINE.
As Church of England boss Robert Runcie pledged to look into the sensational
snaps of Paradise, allegedly taken by a space probe, the Pope's advisors
agreed they had to be possible proof of an after life.
"There must be something in them," confessed Pope John Paul's personal
spokesman on supernatural matters, Father Andreas Resch.
"We promise to analyse the pictures and give a proper explanation - we must
consider the camera never lies."
The pictures show a spectacular gateway into Heaven taken by a Soviet satel-
lite then smuggled out of the country and into the West. They later appeared
in America, backed by the sensational claims.
* Sensational *
Sunday Sport investigators were handed copies of the first ever views of the
Pearly Gates and then passed them on to Lambeth Palace.
Now Britain's spiritual leader Dr Robert Runcie has pledged a top level
probe into the amazing scenes which have sent church leaders into an
almighty flap.
The amazing pictures have been dubbed "the most fantastic Christian find
since the Turin shroud."
While churchmen from London and Rome study the astonishing evidence that
Heaven is left of the planet Pluto, shocked Russian defence chiefs, who
snapped them, are deparately ducking questions.
The Ruskies would only admit it was their galactic spy in the sky which
beamed back fantastic pictures of the Hereafter.
TURN TO PAGE 7 [where you find a picture of a satellite beside what looks
like the mouth of a sea squirt, and the rest of the story ...]
Their incredible scenes should have been burned by top KGB agents - but in-
stead the artist's impressions were smuggled out of the USSR for the whole
world to see.
Lambeth Palace, astounded by the fantastic frames that prove Heaven is for
real, is treating them with utmost respect.
"We are examining them - can you send us any more?" said a spokesman.
Embarrassed Ruskies who don't believe in God stumbled on the tremendous
tunnel of light, billions of miles from Earth, when they were probing life
on Pluto.
Last night they admitted instead of sending back scenes of the planet's
surface, the satellite went berserk and beamed back dozens of different
pictures of dazzling multi-coloured rings.
* Evidence *
"The pictures are remarkable in their similarity to what people have seen
during near death experiences," revealed Dr Kurt Rauer, Germany's best
astrophysicist.
"They are pictures of what many people who have been in that state would
describe as Heaven. I can say without doubt these are the most amazing
pieces of evidence seen by the Christian world since the Turin shroud."
Russian space experts could not believe their eyes when their computer
screens were suddenly invaded by an eerie green and yellow light.
They were expecting views of craters and clouds of gases - instead their
haywire metal spy sent back a live transmission of Heaven.
Those who glimsed [sic] the the extraordinary sight were left temporarily
blinded by the light.
And several others have had to seek top medical help because they have been
unable to cope with their earth shattering experience.
A spokesman from Moscow revealed that witnesses who saw the live pictures
burst into tears because the stunning sight overwhelmed them.
* Tunnel *
Yesterday Joan Phillips, who nearly met her maker when she drowned, said of
the remarkable photos: "They're just what I saw when I thought I was going
to die. When I felt myself going under the water, all I remember is a fant-
astic tunnel of light. I knew instinctively it was Heaven. These pictures
reminded me of that," added the 45-year-old of Southampton.
And Dr Sauer confirmed her beliefs.
* NEXT WEEK Granny vice den exposed *
------- End Of Forwarded UK Press Message
