This is a game for any number of players. There are two sides, the Hippies and
The Heat. This year there was about 4000 to 5000 hippies and 2000 of The Heat.
Here's how to tell which side you are on:
Hippies: you must be unarmed, on a peaceful pilgrimage to Stonehenge in time
for 4:27 am on June 21st and hence the Summer Solstice.
The Heat: you must be a proven psychopath in blue uniform and full riot gear.
The aim of the game differs depending on which side you are on. Hippies must
try and make their way to Stonehenge by any *legal* means. The Heat must try
and stop them using any means possible.
The rules of the game are simple. Hippies may not do, say or think anything.
The Heat may do anything, with the full assurance that no charges will be
brought against them (even for beating a 7 month pregnant woman to pulp in front
of her 2 year old son, in full view of a video camera - this happened in last
years Game and the video film was deemed inadmissable as evidence as it had been
taken by a known Left Wing Thinker).
The game is not won by either side.
This years game was less violent that last years, mostly because the Hippies
used very underhand non-violent tactics and brought loads of cameras with them.
Last year was better for the blood, guts and gore fanatics out there in media
land - entire families of filthy, lice infested hippies having their travelling
buses and caravans ripped to pieces, skulls cracked, arms broken and 7 month old
foetus's aborted. In fact, the violence was so rampant that an eminent Peer of
the Realm (Lord Elliot) stepped in and offered his 700 acre forest estate of
Savernake as temporary sanctuary for the Hippies. This nearly resulted in a
foul being called, but the Law Lords were unable to find a charge that would
stand (other than Assisting Horrible Welfare Scrounging Degenerates Hide From
The Police Who Quite Rightly Wanted To Kick Some Ass, which was deemed Not
Cricket at the last moment).
The highlight of this years tactics by The Heat was the deployment of totally
illegal road blocks and the escorting of Unsavoury Looking Characters in the
vicinity of Stonehenge (ie. within 40 miles) out of the County Of Wiltshire. As
this tactic is actually against the Law Of The Land (citizens have a right to
travel the Queens Highway as and when they see fit, even if their eyes are too
close together or The Heat does not like the Cut Of Their Jib) it sorely
confused the Hippies, causing much havoc in their ranks.
All together a very unsatisfactory conclusion to this years Game. Several
Hippies managed to gain entrance to the Stone Circle in time for Sunrise, and
there were only minor injuries reported (all self inflicted by the Hippies, who
seemed intent on head butting The Heat's riot sticks and boots or kicking
themselves in the kidneys). The Heat did however manage to assemble an
impressive array of weaponry confiscated from amongst the 250 Hippies arrested
for trespass*, which included a 3 inch Swiss Army Penknife and several bottles
of milk (which could easily have been turned into Molotov Cocktails by the
vicous and blood thirsty crowd of stoned Hippies, chanting their war cry of
"Wow, man, look at the sunrise").
* = this raises another interesting gambit from the '86 Game. The Heat managed
to convince the Law Lords, with the help of the ever willing media, that the
Hippies were not actually the peace loving, zoned out weirdos who just wanted to
sit in a field for a few days and have a bit of fun that they pretended to be,
but were actually a marauding horde of the like not seen since the Goths,
Visigoths and Huns put paid to the Roman Empire, intent on raping, looting and
pillaging the entire population of the British Isles. As the only crime of
which they could officially be accused of (despite public knowledge that they
were in fact the greatest threat to National Security since Hitler) was
trespass, and trespass was only a Civil (not Criminal) offense, there was
nothing The Heat could do about it unless the land owner filed for an eviction
order (which they never did). It was therefore decided to make Trespass a
Criminal offense, thereby enabling The Heat to use physical force to remove The
Hippies from such land and put them all in Newbury Gaol for 14 days.
Ho hum. Next year may be better, as the Hippies are talking about abandoning
the non-violent tactics and going in with the howitzers. This will restore the
game to a healthy level of violence, and may even result in the Law Lords
deeming possession of long hair and a Steve Hillage album a criminal offense.
-- Rev Hugh of the Sore Kidneys and Blood Red Piss
