You see, GREEN M&M's are the ones with the magic powers. That's why
MARS never interrupted the supply of green candies in the M&M's packages.
Green M&M's are known to be effective aphrodisiacs. That's why rock
bands frequently ask for 5 Lbs of M&M's, GREEN ONLY. The concert
promoters must buy 30lbs of M&M's and meticulously sort them out. The
rock stars feed these M&M's to helpless unsuspecting young females.
The sad thing is, Christmas-green M&M's are not the same color as
regular green M&M's, and don't have the same qualities.
Christmas-green M&M's are an entirely new breed of M&M, and their
properties have not yet been established.
When I was in my zeroes (e.g. less than 10), we used to eat M&M's on
the way home, then sprint to see which ones made us run faster.
Everyone agreed that GREEN M&M's made the biggest difference. In
fact, they allowed young children to run at super-hypersonic speed. I
had my friend convinced of this (and convinced that super-hypersonic
speed existed).
I heard that Ben Johnson tested positive for steroid use because he
had some green M&M's just before his 100-meter race.
Don Gillies, Dept. of Computer Science, University of Illinois
1304 W. Springfield, Urbana, Ill 61801
ARPA: gillies@cs.uiuc.edu UUCP: {uunet,ihnp4,harvard}!uiucdcs!gillies
