Today's Topics:
And it has to be an ideology of revolutionary nationalism...
Illusions of Shameless Abundance
Worst song
Re. deprogramming, pinkification, etc.
some subg fodder
rapture address - world bible society
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Message-Id: <8905310440.AA06433@retina.cs.ucla.edu>
Reply-To: trainor@cs.ucla.edu
Subject: And it has to be an ideology of revolutionary nationalism...
Date: Tue, 30 May 89 21:40:18 PDT
From: Vulture of Light <trainor@cs.ucla.edu>
State investigators recently accused officials at a West Seneca, N.Y.,
child psychiatric center of gross negligence for ignoring organized sexual
activity by kids aged five to twelve who had formed clubs ("G.I. Joes" and
"The Transformers") whose initiation rites included aural and banal sex.
* * * *
The firm of Pannel Kerr Forster reports the average cost of maintaining one
hole on a golf course is more than $24,000 per year.
* * * *
At the mere sight of milk or cheese, we find the twins with the scissors
of sight providing the key insight that motivates the proof.
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Path: pt.cs.cmu.edu!rochester!rutgers!apple!ames!amdahl!bnrmtv!shepherd
From: Mark Shepherd <bnrmtv!shepherd@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Illusions of Shameless Abundance
Keywords: Survival Research Laboratories, performance robotics, hostile acts
Message-Id: <5544@bnrmtv.UUCP>
Date: 31 May 89 04:49:29 GMT
Survival Research Laboratories held its Memorial Day barbeque
in San Francisco on the evening of May 28. The performance, entitled
"Illusions of Shameless Abundance - degenerating into an uninterrupted
sequence of hostile encounters", was held in a parking lot under
a freeway. The large concrete pillars supporting the freeway were
decorated with torches, animal heads, gilded carousel figures, and
silvered mylar, which together with the pre-show soundtrack of
Sousa marches mixed with live cellular radio telephone created an atmosphere
somewhere between a medieval dungeon and a 3-ring circus. The overflow
crowd surrounded the performance area on all sides. The set included
a stack of 15 or so pianos piled up around one of the pillars,
two large cornucopias filled with rotting vegetables suspended from the
ceiling, a refrigerator display case filled with all kinds of goodies,
and a birds nest built from 2x4s and fish fillets, at the top of one
of the pillars.
This was one of the biggest and most sophisticated shows ever.
The machines included:
- the big arm: a cross between a dinosaur and a backhoe. It has large
jaws and walks around by dragging itself.
- the inchworm: a kind of hydraulic caterpillar, with a 12-foot long
articulated nose/finger tipped with a rotating drill
- the 6-barrel shock wave cannon: complete with a tilt-pan control
system allowing it to be aimed at any member of the audience
- the chipper: handy for shredding wood, vegetables, or anything else
you can get into its 3-foot wide mouth. The results are ejected at
high speed from the spout at the other end.
- the walking machine: 2 tons, 4 legs, and a flamethrower. Slow,
but effective.
- the magnet, the clacker balls, the shock box, the large flamethrower,
the scrabbler round out the cast.
The show lasted for about an hour. All the machines joined in the party,
and a good time was had by all. Some of the highlights:
- the piano mountain, started on fire by the walking machine, blazes
out of control. The crew attempts in vain to reduce the fire. The
freeway is closed because of smoke and flying embers. The sound
and control booth is temporarily shut down as burnt cables start
to short out.
- the shock wave cannon performs flawlessly, harassing the audience
with 60 MPH air bursts for almost the entire performance.
As its cooling system fails, the 6 barrels begin to melt, one by one.
- the large flamethrower springs a leak and starts dumping diesel
fuel all over the ground. The audience, having seen Hitchcock's
"The Birds", immediately extinguishes all cigarettes.
- the inchworm and the arm vie for MVP award, each managing to
commit major acts of mayhem and intimidation. The inchworm's
drill bit proves useful for dissecting a cornucopia. The arm's
finest moment comes when, after waving a burning piano in the air,
it topples over into the flaming piano mountain ending the show.
The big disappointment of the evening was the shock box. Hours before
the show, it was discovered that everytime it discharged its 35 kilovolt
capacitors into an innocent object, the resulting magnetic pulse
disabled the generator for the light and sound system. Regretably it
had to be benched for the whole show.
For the techies: besides the usual inspired assortment of hydraulic
and electrical goodies, this performance was assisted by 3 embedded computer
controllers: one for the walking machine, one for the arm, and one
for the scrabbler. Thanks to NASA, Archimedes, Hewlett-Packard, Dallas
Semiconductor, and Motorola for lending or donating equipment and
software. Some of them even knew what it was going to be used for.
Another first for SRL: the machine operators and video crew were directed
in real time over 2-way radio, making possible much more coordinated
choreography than ever before.
Here is a transcript of the script. Remarkably, substantial portions
of the show actually followed the script.
S C E N A R I O
ACT 1 - BEAUTIFUL ABUNDANCE
Big Arm waving its hand beneath the south Cornucopia in wonder. It knocks
some goodies out of it and sniffs at them. It then starts to move towards
the piano mountain.
Walking Machine burns through its plastic curtain and lumbers out towards
the middle doing its own kind of boogie, then starts lumbering towards
the pianos.
Magnet comes out from Curtain. Heads towards north cornucopia.
Chipper follows Magnet from behind curtain and heads toward cornucopias,
buzzing around under them, expectantly.
Magnet lifts plate counterweighting north cornucopia, causing the
contents to tip into the Chipper buzzing below.
Inchworm comes from east end pointing its finger in beautiful wand-like
motions. It taps the Shock Wave Cannon and the Cannon then begins firing.
Inchworm then heads to Piano Mountain, maybe messing with audience 1st.
The Scrabbler awakens, and begins to dance on its disco floor.
Clacker balls start to clack sporadically.
All major moving machines are playing their cellular phone loops.
ACT 2 - MAYHEM WITH THE TOYS
Big Arm begins playing the pianos.
Inchworm starts getting into the piano action. Not liking this, the
Big Arm trys to shove the Inchworm out of the way. The Inchwork shoves
back.
The Inchworm starts knocking into pictures on the beams.
Walking Machine nears and starts burning the piano mountain.
Inchworm then starts to point and mess with the audience.
Shock Box begins to bump into metal boxes, blasting at will,
like a stinging bee.
Chipper starts bumping into wood structures, feeding itself as goodies
fall into the hopper from these wood platforms.
Magnet begins picking up and dropping steel boxes causing foam
chemical reactions.
As Shock Wave Cannon begins to fire with greater frequency, large
Flame Blower begins to make short bursts of fire.
Arm grabs bag of fake TNTs and dumps into Audience 5.
Flame Blower is being winched into the air.
The Big Arm returns to the cornucopia and begins to feed heartily,
ripping the shoth cornucopia from the sky and stuffing what it can't
eat into the chipper.
ACT 3 - MUTUAL DESTRUCTION
The Magnet, having made its offerings to the Scrabbler, now picks the
Scrabbler up and drops it repeatedly. Shock Box joins the party on the
disco floor and wastes the Scrabbler.
Walking Machine has finished burning the pianos and shuffling around starts
to burn north cornucopia, barbecuing the fish, which the Big Arm
then tips into the Chipper.
Large fish are released on their cables into the Chipper. The Shock
Box arrives and drives its probes into the radiator of the Chipper
causing a loud report.
Big Arm grabs the Clacker Balls and yanks them into the
center area for the Magnet to pick up and drop at will.
Tired of harassing the audience, the Inchworm points its finger at
the Walking Machine a la Don Quixote at the windmill, the old lance
and dragon scenario. Shock Box interrupts this scene, coming up to to
the Walking Machines chicken wire wrapped legs and giving them a little
sheep dog nip on the heels.
Big Arm grabs Cable and starts swinging the Flame Blower causing
flames to lick the celing.
Magnet tips liquid Nitrogen over, fogging in Audience 4.
When all machines are thoroughly absorbed in acts of destruction,
ceiling charges are set off, scattering ashes to the wind.
--------
Mark Shepherd
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Date: Wed, 31 May 1989 9:49:02 EDT
From: Jonathan Trudel <trudel@caip.rutgers.edu>
Subject: Worst song
Message-Id: <CMM.0.88.612625742.trudel@caip.rutgers.edu>
Is definitely *not* Mr. Tambourine Man. Unfortunately, Shatner thought
he was on a roll and recorded Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds at a later
time. Talk about yer whiny pinkitude - his singing was enhanced and
echoed:
The giiiiiiiirl with the Kaleiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidoscope Eyessssreseseseses
Copies of this monstroscity do exist, but they are hard to find.
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Message-Id: <8905311633.AA07076@retina.cs.ucla.edu>
Subject: Re. deprogramming, pinkification, etc.
Date: Wed, 31 May 89 09:33:58 PDT
From: Vulture of Light <trainor@cs.ucla.edu>
| I read somewhere that people who did the flying double-gainer into
| cults (not, of course, including the Church(TM)) were never "disturbed
| youths" or anybody else who showed the slightest signs of
| SubGenius-hood. They were very Pink, and had just swapped one version
| of Pinkness for another. So I guess "deprogramming" is just swapping
| cult-Pinkness for normal-Pinkness.
Yes, and that transfer I was talking about on CBS -- it will be this
Thursday evening at 8 o'clock on your local CBS affiliate or O&O. With
Dan Rather...
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Date: Wed, 31 May 89 15:39:46 EDT
From: wave@Think.COM
Message-Id: <8905311939.AA06160@wotan.think.com>
Subject: some subg fodder
Thought you might like to include this for consumption by the digestifier.
Have fun....
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May 30, 1989
An Appeal to the SubGenius Church:
Our organization, the Spontaneous Human Combustion Churches (C) /
Spontaneous Human Ignition Temples (SHCC/SHIT) (C) are seeking support
from other religious organizations.
You may be familiar with the campaign of diatribe and repression we
are suffering at the hands of the government - the FBI, CIA, NSA, and
FAA - the whole acronymarchy. Without out due process or just cause,
we have been subjected to the wrath of the power of the gov't, using
the polic powers available to them, under the guise of "public
safety". It is apparent that intolerence of our beliefs - not public
safety - is behind the campaign to destroy our congregations and turn
public opinion against us by "positioning" us in the media (as a bunch
of weirdos blowing up dead people, ritualistically eating beans and
dangerously igniting flatuence).
The pretense of this government oppression is "public safety" - that
our use of funereal detonation (the conflagrati morti) to emulate the
300 documented cases of natural Spontaneous Human Combustion as a
proper means of spiritual release, makes us, as a group, a threat to
society.
Of course, the actual motive behind the government campaign is too
transparent for any one who gives it any thought - the Xtian
fundamentalists see our revisionist theology as a threat to their
protected market of pandering to the super-kooks; *they* know that our
research that shows the immaculate conception was of greco-roman
super-being origin is a threat to the whole Xtian house of cards
(which is based on 2,000 year old archaic anti-Roman sentiment)
(remember, the Roman Empire fell as a Xtian empire!). There is plenty
of legend-based evidence pointing to the super-beings fraternizing
with mortals, and needless to say, the birthplace of Xtianity was full
of anti-Roman militancy; one can see a pattern of 2,000 yrs. of
denial of *who* the REAL superbeings ARE.
There are many who sympathize with us (e.g. Gene Roddenbury, the
producer of Star Trek, allowed a science fiction story from one of our
mentors into the original series, where the crew encounters our "God"
Apollo [just Bob in disguise]), and yet we appeal to more groups to
join the ranks that stand behind us. *REMEMBER*, it *could* happen to
*you*.
Rev. Ignatious Gaseous
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Date: Wed, 31 May 1989 18:44-EDT
From: stucco toast <toad@cs.cmu.edu>
Subject: rapture address - world bible society
Message-Id: <612657852/toad@NL.CS.CMU.EDU>
WBS
467 chestnut st
nashville TN 37203
No COD. Or, for credit card orders, dial 800/251-2660 -- I just
checked. TN residents call 615/242-1800.
``nonprofit org'' sez the little postage-paid permit sign on "88 Reasons".
For this they wanted $2 at qty10. I found mine in the trash.
In the past week I found discarded: 12000+ unused envelopes, 200+ books,
and lots more. Envelopes free (I found my own weight's worth); u pay
shipping.
salt peanuts, salt peanuts.
The luck
plane
is tilted
in *MY*
favor!
r u cleared yet?
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End of SubGenius Digest
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