Today's Topics:
Those Wacky Humanists
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Message-Id: <8906051611.AA28979@hpfcla.HP.COM>
Date: Mon, 5 Jun 89 11:51:01 edt
From: Eric Haines <eye!erich@spruce>
Subject: Those Wacky Humanists
Some slices from the latest "Secular Humanist Bulletin", which had some
interesting news stories (quiz: attempt to guess which of the articles
was in the "humor" section).
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Broadcasting Blasphemy Can Be Dangerous, Too
The Ayatollah Khomeini, fresh from issuing his death sentence on Salman
Rushdie, has decreed that another blasphemer must die. This time the object of
his ire is a yound Iranian woman who was interviewed over Teheran Radio on the
birthday of Muhammad's daughter, Fatima. She expressed the opinion that
Fatima, who lived 1,400 years ago, was not the best role model for today's
Muslim woman, and named a popular Japanese soap opera actress as her own
personal choice. Khomeini ordered the program director and three other Teheran
Radio executives to be given 50 lashes each and prison terms of five and four
years respectively for broadcasting such an insult to the prophet's daughter.
The Ayatollah further stated that the young woman must be executed if the
slight to Fatima's memory was deliberate.
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..a flyer advertising a revival held by the Reverend John Mahalick. Mahalick
leaves no doubt where he stands on the burning issues of the day. He preaches
against: "Adultery, divorce & remarriage, marriage annulment, fornication,
common-law living, oral sex, lusting, homosexuality, lesbianism, pimps,
pornography, mixed bathing, women wearing shorts, hatred, stealing, cheating,
lying, deceiving, gambling, using God's name in vain, dope addiction, alcoholic
beverages, tobacco use, smoking, pride, make-up, certain television programs
etc., suicide, murder, rape, bribery, extortion, arson, mini skirts, revenge,
burglary, rock music, and all the rest that the Bible condemns!" Finally,
Mahalick adds, "If you want to know what the Holy Ghost said concerning
television sets, he said, 'Move them out.'"
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Burn, Baby, Burn
A Catholic priest in Waterbury, Conn., has come up with a unique protest
against the proliferation of prophylactics in the U.S. The Reverend Joseph
Looney (yes, that's his real name) of Sacred Heart Church has staged a "condom
roast" in the church's parking lot, and hopes the idea will spread across the
country.
"We are criticizing the 'condom-nation' of America," says the Reverend Looney.
"Condoms mean cheap sex, yuppie love, calculated non-involvement. They are a
symbol, an instrument of denial, insulation from God and from one another."
No mention was made of the condom's effectiveness in insulating people from the
spread of AIDS and other diseases. It should be pointed out that the roast was
purely symbolic--only incense was lighted.
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God and the News Don't Mix
Managers of the Sioux Falls, S.D., NBC affiliate, KDLT-TV, were shocked to find
an article by local news anchor Marilee Joyce in a Christian magazine. In the
article Joyce boasted of "sneaking" Jesus into the news whenever she could, and
of killing stories she considered of "a questionable nature."
"God needs servants who can influence the content of our news," Joyce
reportedly concluded in her article.
KDLT managers promptly decided that they needed anchors who were a little more
objective; Joyce was fired for "an error in journalistic judgement."
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That's all,
Eric Haines, hpfcla!hpfcrs!eye!erich@hplabs.hp.com
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End of SubGenius Digest
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