Today's Topics:
You can help this man, or you can hit the <space> key...
FLORIDA VISITOR ALERT: leave your money home, or lose it!
Okay, so what's the problem with Xtians?
[Hugh_Messenger.EuroPARC@Xerox.COM : Seminar announcement ]
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Date: Tue, 19 Sep 89 00:23 EDT
From: Steve Strassmann <straz@MEDIA-LAB.MEDIA.MIT.EDU>
Subject: You can help this man, or you can hit the <space> key...
Message-ID: <19890919042308.1.STRAZ@ZAXXON.MEDIA.MIT.EDU>
From: "Lawrence K. Kolodney" <lkk@zurich.ai.mit.edu>
To: info-cobol@MC.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Lonely in America
Here's a verbatim copy of a flyer that someone was handing out in
Harvard Square yesterday:
NEEDED: A SENSITIVE WOMAN LOVE-PARTNER FOR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND FRIENDSHIP
Help! Help! Help!
Dear Student-Friends, Dear Area Friends!
Eating is the first need of a human being. A place to sleep
at is the second. A WOAMN FOR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS THE THIRD MOST
IMPORTANT NEED OF A MALE. NOT ALL OF US CAN AFFORD MARRIAGE AS THE
ADMISSION CARD IN THE WORLD OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE and about 40% of our
marriages break down after 3-5 years, anyway. I have not had sexual
intercourse since 1985. My last two partners were a young negro woman
and an older, Jewish woman. These did not last. PLEASE HELP ME TO
LIFE-SUSTAINING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!!!
I am a former college professor. I am working on returning to
viable life-conditions which American society has made very difficult
for many of us in similar situations. I have degrees from Yale
University, University of Wisconsin. I have certificates from
University of Cologne (Germnay), Alliance Francaise (Paris), etc. I
have also attended the Agroscience Institute of Budapest, Medical
College of Georgia (Augusta), Indiana University (Bloomington),
Middleburry College (VT), Harvard University, etc. I have taught at
various American colleges (Univ. of Wisconsin, Kentucky, Michigan,
Utah, East Texas State University, State Univ. of New York. I am an
American citizen, 54 years old, and divorced.
I am divorced and I have no children. I do not smoke or
drink. I am an amateur piano-player. I like good TV programs, a cup
of coffee in a private apartment, a good conversation in a private
apartment, or in a remote spot. I like soccer games, French culture,
German culture, and European culture. I like to swim, ride a bike,
jog, or go for long walks in nature. I like museums, theater and
private parties where I can find a female for myself. I like females
who are likely to desire sexual intercourse with me regardless of age,
national or relgious origin.
Some time ago the world reknown Kennedy family opened marital
negotiations with me (Yale University, 1984, Edward M. Kennedy, Jr.'s
talk on "Access Yale"). It resulted in no results of any kind. The
family of James Bacharach (Westport, Connecticut, and Massachusetts),
another multimillionaire family, also tried its luck. They offered me
a very ugly female, Jeanne. Town gossip syas she has AIDS. Town
gossip sayss they are in the drug and pronography business. WHAT I
SAW WAS ENOUGH. Jeanne Bacharach is very ugly. Earlier Ann Scarf, an
artist, a "mental health professional," and a skillful prosititute gave
me some physical relief. She was directed to me by the young
Alexander Kissinger, son of Dr. Henry Kissinger (Yale University,
1979-81). In 1984 the C.I.A. at Yale surreptitiously "plugged" me
into the Instant Communication/Monitoring System and "interconnected"
me with my American "compatriots" all or most American citizens. It
was a farily stupid idea, but, of course, the C.I.A. is a fairly
stupid organization with Ph.D.-s in charge and morons under their
command. That is why our President George Bush left that organization
and opted for another job.
So will you help me to find a sexual mate and friend? If you
help me you will feel good about yourself for you are helping a
deserving individual, a poor individual, and a World Record Holder in
Homelessness (Connecticut, New York, Vermont, Massachusetts, Austria,
Germany, Luxemburg, France, Hungary, etc., 1979-Present).
Incidentally Jewish rabbis in this area and in New Haven told me to go
to Israel to find a female. (Somewhat impractical for an average
one-night stand costs about $300 in that "fine" country). Many thanks
for your American help,
John Laszlo
[ Long live the Democratic leadership of Massachusetts! Long live
President Bush! Work for the democratization of the Baltic states in
the USSR, the further democratization of Hungary, and the new,
national goals of Poland. Do not forget about the struggling black
citizens in South Africa. Long live a free, and SOLVENT Israel!]
Again, John Laszlo
P.O. Box 1028
Brookline Village, MASS. 02147
PLEASE, HELP ENDING THE SEXUAL BOYCOT AGAINST ME INITIATED BY YALE
UNIVERSITY EXTREMISTS! Thanks, John Laszlo
END
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Path: andrew.cmu.edu!pt.cs.cmu.edu!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!crdgw1!ge-dab!sulak
From: "John M. Sulak" <sulak@ge-dab.ge.com>
Subject: FLORIDA VISITOR ALERT: leave your money home, or lose it!
Keywords: spring break, bike week, Winston Cup, Daytona
Message-Id: <2224@ge-dab.GE.COM>
Date: 18 Sep 89 23:08:58 GMT
Attention SPRING BREAKERS, BIKERS, RACE FANS, and other TOURISTS: if you
are planning a trip to Florida, you may want to leave your money at home.
The local police have been stopping out-of-town drivers and forcing theme
to turn over all their cash, then they pat them on the back and say have a
safe trip. (No arrests or charges, just taking their cash.) The following
stories are not brought to you by the Florida Dept of Tourism, and
interestingly they are not being carried by the wire services. Here are
exerts:
