Today's Topics:
A Useful Church
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Message-ID: <19900319001701.3.MT@OUROBOROS.MEDIA.MIT.EDU>
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 90 19:17 EST
From: Michael Travers <mt@media-lab.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@MC.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: A Useful Church
[I suppose General Jack D. Ripper is the patron saint of this cult.]
From: bdunaway@CS.UOREGON.EDU
Subject: Church Of Universal Purity Drug Test Form
I obtained this item from the pastor of the local congregation
of the Church of Universal Purity. It seems that they have very
strict rules regarding bodily processes and this has caused some
concern about the possibility of having their religious beliefs
compromised if compelled to take a urine test. The form
reproduced below came directly from the National Synod and
represents the official position of the Church. Anyone wishing to
copy it is certainly welcome to do so.
CHURCH OF UNIVERSAL PURITY
"Statement of religious belief regarding urinalysis"
As a member of the Church of Universal Purity I believe:
...a human being is comprised of a body and a soul; and the
purpose of the soul is to enter into eternal life upon death of
the body.
...only a soul that has achieved purity will pass into eternal
life; and the soul that has not will be consumed by the body and
shall perish with it.
...to achieve purity the soul must struggle to separate good from
evil.
...the metabolism of the body symbolizes the struggle of the soul
to separate good from evil by separating nutriment from waste,
and therefore, the process of bodily elimination constitutes THE
SACRAMENT OF UNIVERSAL PURITY.
...THE SACRAMENT OF UNIVERSAL PURITY is a HOLY ACT which must be
performed in private, in a sanitary fashion, and that its
products shall be disposed of anonymously.
It is therefore my religious belief that I must refuse to
submit to a urine test which does not conform to these
conditions.
Signed:____________________________________Date:_______________
CUP form 90-123p
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End of SubGenius Digest
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