Today's Topics:
Fwd: The Glamourous Lives of the Moronic
Variations on a Theme
Change your vacation plans!
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Message-ID: <IaBMvmS00XooQ2u9d=@andrew.cmu.edu>
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 90 07:50:10 -0400 (EDT)
From: Peter Glen Berger <pb1p+@andrew.cmu.edu>
To: +dist+/afs/andrew/usr13/pb1p/dlists/vengeance.dl@andrew.cmu.edu
CC: Bulletin Board Administration <bb+graffiti.vengeance@andrew.cmu.edu>,
"MEDIA-LAB.MEDIA.MIT.EDU" <subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu>
Subject: Fwd: The Glamourous Lives of the Moronic
---------- Forwarded message begins here ----------
Date: Tue, 24 Apr 90 21:24:35 -0400 (EDT)
From: Jennifer Ruocco <jr2o+@andrew.cmu.edu>
To: Bulletin Board Administration
<bb+hobbies.nonconformists@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: The Glamourous Lives of the Moronic
I 'm sure ATO would have been kicked off for having the wet t-shirt
contest alone, besides the fact that a 16 year old won it.
if i was on the CFP, i would have not only kicked ATO off but have every
one of them flayed with barbed-wire, have their eyelids stapled to their
foreheads, have paper cuts and sulfuric acid put on their eyeballs, have
their testicles removed with kiltie knives, give their gums liposuction,
give them silicone breast enlargements until their skin ruptures, sever
their achilles' tendons, pluck out every body hair existing, ram plastic
figurines of Andrew Carnegie up their nostrils into their sinuses, hang
them upside-down by their toenails alone, shove inch-wide splinters
beneath their fingernails, make them drink pus, have their fingernails
torn off, spray burning steam all over their plucked skins, microwave
their feet, and have gila monsters bite onto their penises and hang on
for a few months.
And after that, i'd kick them out of school for the bad boys they are.
love and pink rockets,
marquise de la jenta
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Pete Berger || ARPA: Pete.Berger@andrew.cmu.edu
Professional Student || BITNET: R746PB1P@CMCCVB
Carnegie-Mellon University || NEXUS@DRYCAS
Do not attend this college. || UUCP: ...!harvard!andrew.cmu.edu!pb1p
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"If only I could/make a deal with god/and get him to swap our places..."
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Message-ID: <9004251409.AA01238@juniper>
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 90 10:09:25 edt
From: Eric Haines <eye!erich@wrath.cs.cornell.edu>
To: cornell!subgenius%media-lab.media.mit.edu@wrath.cs.cornell.edu
CC: erich@juniper
Subject: Variations on a Theme
>From "Free Inquiry", Spring 1990, from the "In the Name of God" section:
Coming through the rye in California
A group of angry parents, led by a woman who declared that she'd never read
such a book, persuaded the Boron, California school board to ban _Catcher in
the Rye_ from a high-school supplemental reading list. Citing her objections
to "offensive" language in the book, Vicky Swindler asked, "How the hell did
this teacher get this book?" The teacher has substituted _Farenheit 451_, Ray
Bradbury's novel about book-burning.
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Message-ID: <9004251419.AA01243@juniper>
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 90 10:19:13 edt
From: Eric Haines <eye!erich@wrath.cs.cornell.edu>
To: cornell!subgenius%media-lab.media.mit.edu@wrath.cs.cornell.edu
CC: erich@juniper
Subject: Change your vacation plans!
>From "Free Inquiry", Spring 1990, "In the Name of God" section:
Change your vacation plans!
According to the February 1990 issue of "Praise the Lord", a publication of
Trinity Broadcasting Network, "Scientists are afraid that they have opened the
gates of hell. A geological group who drilled a hole about 14.4 kilometers
deep (about 9 miles) in the crust of the earth, are saying that they heard
human screams...
'The information we are gathering is so surprising that we are sincerely afraid
of what we might find down there,' stated Mr. Azzacov, the manager of the
project.
The geologists were dumbfounded. After they had drilled several kilometers
through the earth's crust, the drill bit suddenly began to rotate wildly.
'There is only one explanation--the deep center of the earth is hollow,' the
surprised Azzacov explained.... 'The last discovery was the most shocking to
our ears, so much so that the scientists are afraid to continue the project.
We tried to listen to the earth's movements at certain levels with
super-sensitive microphones, which were let down through the hole. What we
heard turned those logically thinking scientists into trembling ruins.... We
heard a human voice, screaming in pain. Even though one voice was
discernable, we could hear thousands, perhaps millions, in the background, of
suffering souls screaming. After this ghastly discovery, about half of the
scientists quit because of fear. Hopefully, that which is down there will stay
there.'"
"Praise the Lord" notes that the story is "translated from 'Ammenusastia', a
newspaper published in Finland."
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End of SubGenius Digest
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