Today's Topics:
One man's slack is another man's slime
Subgenius Digest V2 #40 and Bob's driving
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Date: Wed, 21 Nov 90 17:21:20 PST
From: Insufficient Dada <nix%valis.asd.sgi.com@sgi.com>
Subject: One man's slack is another man's slime
To: SubGenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Found this one on sci.skeptic:
From: jcohen@sco.COM (Jon Cohen)
Subject: Guru Slimes People
My teenaged stepson recently took a job in a health food
store, where they give away "New Age" publications such as
"Psychic News". Well, out of curiosity I picked up a copy
of Psychic News and discovered that there are grown up
Americans who actually believe in sliming of the kind
immortalized in "Ghostbusters."
According to the authors, the famous Guru Sai Baba frequently
slimes people and also makes ashes come out of the palms
of his hands. Apparently, this grimy slimer regulalry
draws throngs of dumb Americans to his Ashram in India,
where they are used for slave labor and--one can only
imagine--to assist "the master" in making slime
come out of his penis.
But according to "Psychic News", Sai Baba slimes in
public from his hands and forehead. The slime
is described by the authors as ecto-plasm and
"spiritual substance." He comes out of his house for
a procession, at which time all the followers line
up like for a parade. He walks past, while they
gyrate in ecstacy, and then starts ashing and sliming.
Any theories on how he does it? Bull snot hidden
in his pockets? A bad case of post-nasal drip?
Rectal mucous? Or maybe he just
saves his own semen in a bottle, like in the famous Dr. Pepper joke.
The authors didn't say what
happens to the slime after he "manifests" it?
Do the dogs eat it?
Do they collect it in holy urns or something? No,
probably they collect it in little vials and sell
it by mail order to Americans. Or, this could
be the secret behind the special sauce on Big Macs.
Anyway, the authors of the "Psychic News" article are
quite impressed with Sai Baba. And they're allowed to vote--
which, I guess, explains the results of the recent
elections.
Oh well, any other real-life slime stories out there?
Here's sliming at you.
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Date: Wed, 21 Nov 90 10:41:28 PST
From: Rick Herrick <rickh@metaware.com>
Subject: Subgenius Digest V2 #40 and Bob's driving
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
>From: Michael Madigan <madiganm@athena.ecs.csus.edu>
>Subject: Bob Saved us!!!
>
>Recently, returning from a Jerry Garcia Band concert Bob saved us.
>We were to bent to drive and were driving any way. We picked up 2
>hitchhikers who wer going to the same town as us. Well after thinking
>the freeway was a runway we deceided to pull over. We pulled into Denny's
>and then asked both passengers if they could drive a VW bus. Well the women
>said "Bob can drive anything!" Our biggest concern was the mountain!
>Bob then navigated the bus over the mountain with all the pressure of
>bent people yelling and telling him to slow down. Bob saved us from
>certain death.
I was on this wild ride, and I believe the Honorable Sloth has left out
a few bits of trivia, bits which may prove interesting to those in search
of the One True Bob.
As any indoctrinated 4-year old would know, of course Bob can drive
anything. Bob excels at driving VW buses with bad clutches, low tires,
the steering response of the Queen Mary, and four bent and twisted ass-
holes shouting at the top of their lungs. This was my first clue as to
Bob's true identity. Later, as we hurtled over twisty mountains roads
at speeds approaching that of sound, I saw Bob casually reach over,
fill a Meershaum with maple tobacco, and calmly light up. I said, in
an awed voice, "You're Bob!" He looked around and flashed that winning
Bob smile. Time and space slowed to a crawl. A halo expanded around
Bob's head. A chorus of angels descended and began singing the theme
song to Jeopardy. Then I woke up in my bed the next morning, feeling
refreshed, and ready to tackle the daunting task of converting the un-
believers in this world. I am Saint Echo, patron saint of twisted
people stranded in VW buses after rock concerts, coming to your town
soon ($9.95 for tour program, $29.95 for t-shirts. Prices may be
substantially higher in the hinterlands and outlying foreign countries.)
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End of Subgenius Digest
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