Today's Topics:
I feel unsure! Please, someone confirm my GENDER to me!
(plus 3 messages with no subject line)
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Date: 11 Jan 91 14:13:56 EST
From: MTG@csi.compuserve.com
Subject: I feel unsure! Please, someone confirm my GENDER to me!
To: SUBGENIUS@mc.lcs.mit.edu
I am in need of some advice with interpretation of an event which
happened to me last night. The event is "simply" that I received a phone
call at about midnight. The caller sounded long distance, and it was a
lady, perhaps a little old but not old enough to get a senior discount.
The lady asked to speak to BOB. Since my girlfriend was, at the time,
preparing to pour food colouring on steroids into my hair, I foolishly
answered that she had the wrong number, and that was that.
...but...
I keep having the nagging feeling that it was some sort of opportunity
calling. I thought that maybe, perhaps, somehow, this was a test -- a test
to see if I *knew*, deep in my heart o' hearts, that BOB IS EVERYWHERE.
And naturally, that would mean that he was THERE when she called, and I
should have immediately answered "Yes! Yes, Bob is here! He is also THERE!
So why are you calling HERE when he's already THERE too?" But, stupidly, I
did not answer that way, and I fear this will cost me my life's collection
of Green Stamps.
Perhaps someone with more experience with BOB and all that is BOB can
offer me some assurance -- or insurance -- and perhaps suggest a good
course of repentance? I feel unsure, confused, and overdrawn.
- Mark G.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 11 Jan 91 00:38:10 EST
From: Steven Mesnick <pro-angmar!steffan@alfalfa.com>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
The chief lord-in-waiting to an English king is called the Groom of the
Stole, said to derive from a garment the king wears at his Coronation. What
does this have to do with recent SubG postings? Well....
There is a book called "Ladies in Waiting" (I don't have it here so can't
provide author & ISBN) which claims that the actual original term was Groom
of the *Stool*, being the person in charge of the royal chamber-pot, a
highly sought-after position at court. In France, apparently, the Queen had
a lady-in-waiting called "la Dame de la Chaise Percee", or "the Lady of the
Chair with the Hole".
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Date: Fri, 11 Jan 91 00:54:50 -0900
From: The Wolf With The Red Roses <FSWMS%ALASKA.BITNET@mitvma.mit.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: RE: Subgenius Digest V2 #69
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> Subject: Subgenius Digest V2 #69
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>
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> Date: Fri, 11 Jan 91 04:06:33 EST
> From: subgenius-request@mc.lcs.mit.edu
> Reply-To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
> Subject: Subgenius Digest V2 #69
> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
> Sender: subgenius-request@mc.lcs.mit.edu
> Message-Id: <9101110406.aa20346@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
>
>
> Subgenius Digest Fri, 11 Jan 91 Volume 2 : Issue 69
>
> Today's Topics:
> Another life tragically cut short by drugs
> "YOU" (ie, me)
> (plus 1 message with no subject line)
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Date: Thu, 10 Jan 91 19:17:29 PST
> From: "Michael J. Tuciarone" <tooch@mongoose.eng.sun.com>
> Subject: Another life tragically cut short by drugs
> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
>
> From the San Jose Mercury News, 1/8/91:
>
> SHEEP DEATHS BLAMED ON LSD FROM FUNGUS
>
> Ranchers in west Marin County and in southwest Sonoma County
> are losing a large number of sheep this season to a fungus that
> naturally produces LSD and that flourishes in cool, damp
> weather. Gordon Thornton, a rancher with 1,000 acres near
> Tomales, said he has seen about 50 of his ewes poisoned by the
> fungus called ergot, out of about 900 sheep on his land. Dr.
> William Barr, a veterinarian from Petaluma, said the problem is
> the worst he's seen in his 31 years of practice. Experienced
> ranchers say they expect to lose double the usual amount of
> sheep to ergot this midwinter lambing season. The ergot fungus
> grows on rye grains and rye grass, which is used extensively on
> pastures in Marin and Sonoma. Ergot poisoning causes sheep to
> become disoriented, allowing them to fall to their deaths off
> steep hills or into ditches or ponds.
>
> I take it the sheep stand on the edge of a cliff, bleat "I can fly!"
> and over they go. What a waste.
>
> --the Rightmost Right Most Rev. Touche Irony
> of the Chapel of Our Lady of the Turbo-Hydramatic 350
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Thu, 10 Jan 91 12:29:39 EST
> From: Joshua Glasser <shadow!joshua@uu.psi.com>
> Subject: "YOU" (ie, me)
> To: mc.lcs.mit.edu!Subgenius@uu.psi.com
>
> MTG, i am honored! to think that YOU hold me in such high esteem!!
>
> right dab there in the middle, only higher, and as clear an act of loving
> acknowledgement and deference as this list has ever seen!
>
>> h you mornin g you nut yo u obst etrici
>
> oh, boy!
>
> alright, because MTG has been so forthcoming in praise of myself and in the
> grateful acknowledgement of my stern admonitions and my iron hand in trying to
> teach YOU ALL, save those few of you who already know, I know who YOU are,
> the rudiments of how to tamp and give a light to the ONE TRUE PIPE, I will
> grant YOU ALL, without malice my poem "stranger i came unto the fermented blac
k
> bean". a nondeprivatin just and wise to not pushish YOU ALL for telling lies:
>
> "stranger i came unto the fermented black bean"
> a poem:
>
> stranger i came unto the fermented black bean
> like at Geneva de le Mare, i put a penny in
> she is a doll with a dayglow green teddy
> and there was this series of these postcards
> like thunder (scented with ginger and brine):
> stranger, what do you want? what do you indend?!
> I AM THE FERMENTED BEAN! KNOW THOU THAT ONCE I
> WAS SWEET- yellow was i then, and full. BLACK NOW,
> and SALT. WHITHERED! how can you speak thus?
> that is what she had said, how was it that this
> bean spoke it now? it had been summer, or nearly
> summer in Geneva de le Mare. i had put a penny in.
> then the marquee has boasted "return to the planet of the apes"
> and the delta 88 had roared. the whistle. it flew
> and the glass shattered against my head. "WEIRDO!!"
> yes, they had shouted that too. "Bob". i think he was driving.
> YOU DO NOT BEAR THE SIGNS. HOW SHOULD I KNOW THEE?
> slack, and then the response. slack arising to give form to slack.
> the will of "Bob". THE WILL OF THE ALL, RATHER. slack is the
> will OF of "Bob" "BOB"I KNOW. HIM. HE IS NOT LIKE THOU, YET
> where WHERE would WOULD "BOB" I BE had WITHOUT YOUR TIME learned the key
?
> I THINK HE OWES ME MONEY. how nuch? STOP. "Bob" had sent me.
> I had him in my mouth now, and he was eaten. to collect,
> i chewed what little of substance there was (a taste like killifish
> it had i noted. a fine and supple creature.) salty. whithered.
> again i cleared my head, mopping the gash, i was yelling.
> the time was up and i had missed it all. my penny wasted.
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> ) (
> /(_ _)\ Joshua Glasser
> )^\\_\-=-/_//^( Artificial Intelligence Technologies, Incorporated
> /o (@)/.\(@) o\ 40 Saw Mill River Road
> \/ ^__ ^ __^ \/ Hawthorne, New York 10532
> \|\VVV/|/ (914) 347 - 6860 Fax: (914) 347 - 3182
> \\AAA//
> \~~~/ UUCP: uupsi!shadow!joshua or uupsi!ait.com!joshua
> ))|(( ARPA: JOSHUA%AIT.COM@UU.PSI.COM
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Thu, 10 Jan 91 23:39:55 PST
> From: Andrew Schloss <aschloss@sol.uvic.ca>
> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
>
> oops
>
> ------------------------------
>
> End of Subgenius Digest
> ******************************
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 11 Jan 91 09:42:05 PST
From: Rick Herrick <metaware!sol!rickh@ucscc.ucsc.edu>
To: mc.lcs.mit.edu!Subgenius@ucscc.ucsc.edu
>>From the San Jose Mercury News, 1/8/91:
>
> SHEEP DEATHS BLAMED ON LSD FROM FUNGUS
>
> Ranchers in west Marin County and in southwest Sonoma County
> are losing a large number of sheep this season to a fungus that
> naturally produces LSD and that flourishes in cool, damp
> weather. Gordon Thornton, a rancher with 1,000 acres near
> Tomales, said he has seen about 50 of his ewes poisoned by the
> fungus called ergot, out of about 900 sheep on his land. Dr.
> William Barr, a veterinarian from Petaluma, said the problem is
> the worst he's seen in his 31 years of practice. Experienced
> ranchers say they expect to lose double the usual amount of
> sheep to ergot this midwinter lambing season. The ergot fungus
> grows on rye grains and rye grass, which is used extensively on
> pastures in Marin and Sonoma. Ergot poisoning causes sheep to
> become disoriented, allowing them to fall to their deaths off
> steep hills or into ditches or ponds.
First off, the ergot fungus does not "naturally" produce LSD. It naturally
produces a class of chemicals that, after quite a bit of manipulation, can
become LSD. These chemicals can also, after a bit of different manipulation,
become a medicine that induces labor in pregnant women. Of course you'll
never see such a headline as "Sheep Deaths Blamed on Early Births."
This is your brain. This is drugs. This is your brain on drugs.
This is your brain on government propaganda. This is you blindly
following George Bush into a simmering hydrocarbon hell . . .
-Echo
The Potato-Salad-Eatin' Fool.
INTERNET: rickh@metaware.com AT&T: (408) 427-9814 home
UUCP: uunet!metaware!rickh (408) 429-6382 x3086 work
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
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