Today's Topics:
An appropriate little rant by P.J. O'Rourke
scansion from hell
(plus 1 message with no subject line)
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Date: Tue, 15 Jan 91 16:48 EST
From: "I live for my dreams, and a pocket full of gold." <WEYKERS%UNCG.BITNET@mitvma.mit.edu>
Subject: An appropriate little rant by P.J. O'Rourke
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
The follwoing is taken without permission from an article by P.J. O'Rourke
about a trip to Europe in the book _Holidays in Hell_. Good book, buy one.
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"Back in London, I was having dinner in the Groucho Club . . . when one more
person started in on the Stars and Stripes. Eventually he got, as the Europeans
always do, to the part about 'Your country's never been invaded.' . . . 'You
don't know the horror, the suffering. You think war is . . .'
I snapped.
'A John Wayne movie,' I said. 'Thats what you were going to say, wasn't it? We
think war is a John Wayne movie. We think *life* is a John Wayne movie--with
good guys and bad guys, as simple as that. Well, you know something Mr. Limey
Poofter? You're right. And let me tell you who those bad guys are. They're
*us*. WE BE BAD.
'We're the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We're
three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds and descended from a stock market
crash on our mother's side. You take your Germany, France, and Spain, roll them
all together and it wouldn't give us room to park our cars. We're the big boys,
Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all
time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in Cap d'Antibes.
And we've got an American Express card credit limit higher than your piss-ant
metric numbers go.
'You say our country's never been invaded? You're right, little buddy. Because
I'd like to see the needle-dicked foreigners who'd have the guts to try. We
drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and mugging is
our way of saying "Cheerio." Hell can't hold our sock-hops. We walk taller,
talk louder, spit further, fuck longer and buy more things than you know the
names of. I'd rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen and
jack of all you Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and
shit them out before lunch.
Shayne Weyker
aka St. Spudboy
weykers@uncg.bitnet weykers@steffi.acc.uncg.edu
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Note that I do not necessarily share Mr. O'Rourke's sentiments,
I merely find them amusing (albeit creepy in a time of imminent
war).
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Date: Tue, 15 Jan 91 20:13:39 EST
From: "The Rt. Rev. Wor. Dr. Y. Foo" <dryfoo@athena.mit.edu>
Subject: scansion from hell
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Date: 14 Jan 91 13:08:08 EST
From: MTG@csi.compuserve.com
Subject: All set to sing for 430,000 peace-keeping troops
To: SUBGENIUS@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Where Allah could not help my foes there
Bob's love helped our men. We were
All encased in gelatin and
Sold to IBM.
Uh. Could you send a tape? I can't get this to even come close to
scanning, no matter what I do. This is the most magnificently bad
scansion I have ever not heard.
-- dr foo
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Gary L. Dryfoos | "So, you cannot resist,
|ARPA/Internet: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu | can you? No, no one can!
| UUCP/Usenet: ...mit-eddie!athena.mit.edu!dryfoo| When LeMott sings, they
| Phone: (617) 253-0184 / (617) 864-4248 | dance! Ha-ha-ha! They
| USPS: P.O. Box 505 Cambridge, MA 02142 | all dance!"
+=============================================================================
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Date: Tue, 15 Jan 91 14:31:33 -0500
From: Maya <polito@husc9.harvard.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
can you please take me off the digest list? thanks
--jessica
polito@husc9.harvard.edu
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End of Subgenius Digest
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