Today's Topics:
another letter asking for YOUR MONEY and EFFORT in return for SLACK
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Date: Tue, 30 Apr 91 10:59:59 EDT
From: Joshua Glasser <shadow!joshua@uu.psi.com>
Message-Id: <9104301459.AA10189@shadow.>
To: MC.LCS.MIT.EDU!SubGenius@uu.psi.com
Subject: another letter asking for YOUR MONEY and EFFORT in return for SLACK
Dear Comrade and fellow minister in the searing, boundless glory of
the living SLACK MASTER:
You owe us money. When you owe "Bob", he collects DOUBLE! We're
going to sell our debt to "Bob". We may have already saved your
sanity. You dont think that CB's Gallery, 313 Bowery, in Manhattan is
just going to be giving us the space to hold a major Devival on
Friday, May 31st, in the vacuous hope that they might sell enough
drinks to make a profit over what they could do with a fifth rate
CONSPIRACY approved Pink PUNK BAND! You dont for a moment believe, do you,
that Rev. Don Trubey and his band, Post Hip Gnosis, just up and
volunteered to lay down the psychic surgery that will give you the
regland scaping that will take you through the END TIMES (tm) to seize
the reins of power, just so they could grab some free stage time and
become legendary, do you? Well, you certianly can never deny that the
united states postal service did not volunteer their services to hand
deliver this letter to you! And, we have Rev. Buck Naked, high dignataries
from the mother church, flying in from fucking Dallas for this, and you
know the FOUNDATION never gives you anything for free!!!
This is a call for participation!!!
We need the excretiton from every gland in your mutant body!
Especially, your AmericanExpress gland! The elder gods are watching.
And as should be obvious to you right now, they and we know where you
live. When WOTON and NUNU comes home, they expect to find dinner on
the table. they want THREE towels in every room. They demand fresh
fruit and a piece of chocolate EVERYDAY!! And these gods aren't
kidding!
We need your money! We deserve your money! Its an investment in GOOD
TIMES (tm) and in SLACK. We urge you to join us on stage. We
especially urge you Uberwomen! We need RANTERS! You join us, you send
us some serious money to aid and abbet us, and you will begin reaping
the benefits in SLACK, in an increased SLACK awareness, and in GLAND
ENLARGEMENT, immeadiately! RETROACTIVELY, in fact, back to the time we
first put your name on this letter!!
Call us if you'll be at "BOB"'s Bowery Bash '91, and want to be on the
stage. Otherwise, choose your favorite among us and mail contributions of
CASH, CHECKS, money orders, postage stamps, canned food, HiFi equipment,
recorded or printed rants or other material directly to that reverend,
at the address below.
And, please, be as fast about it as possible. And send reasonable
amounts of money- Manhattan aint cheap! We do not profess any
intention to return your original material. We are not that organized;
it cuts into OUR SLACK. But proper credit will given to you for
whatever material you send that we now, or eventually, do use. And, we
do solemly swear that your money will be go towards this devival, and
that any money left over will be go to the Church of the First Sacred
Pipe of Brooklyn.
So, give generously, and please make it quick. Tell everybody. And,
thank you for your faith in "BOB".
PRAISE "BOB"!!
Reverend Joshua Rabbi Steve Deakon Tom Reverend Wally
(718) 349 3472 (718) 398 8750 (718) 383 2509
The Church of The First Sacred Pipe of Brooklyn
C/O The Nut Brown Clench of the Perpetual Myasma of the One True Pipe of "Bob"
1713 Baldwin Road, Yorktown Heights, New york 10598
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/(_ _)\ Joshua Glasser
)^\\_\-=-/_//^( Artificial Intelligence Technologies, Incorporated
/o (@)/.\(@) o\ 40 Saw Mill River Road
\/ ^__ ^ __^ \/ Hawthorne, New York 10532
\|\VVV/|/ (914) 347 - 6860 Fax: (914) 347 - 3182
\\AAA//
\~~~/ UUCP: uupsi!shadow!joshua or uupsi!ait.com!joshua
))|(( ARPA: JOSHUA@AIT.COM
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End of Subgenius Digest
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