Today's Topics:
Joshua Glasser, Slack Vampire
Wildmon, just Wild! (long, but worth it dammit!)
"xbob" program
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 May 91 16:52:09 EDT
From: "Mark S. Day" <mday@brokaw.lcs.mit.edu>
Message-Id: <9105022052.AA11605@brokaw.LCS.MIT.EDU>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Joshua Glasser, Slack Vampire
AIIIEEEEE!!!!
I can remain silent no more. I am convinced that Joshua Glasser is
not merely a conspicuously pink Bobby, but is an actual Slack Vampire.
Consider his "poetry" -- didn't it contribute to you feeling less
slackful, more nauseous? And now he has the unmitigated gall to pull
some kind of guilt trip, like I owe him something because he's staging
a Devival. Such bogus obligations are the quintessence of antiSlack.
Look, bub... I don't owe "Bob" anything. He and I settled everything
a long time ago. We get together and laugh about little Bobbies like
you. Have fun at your Devival, though. "Bob" knows you'll need some
"fun" to get you through your painfully slackless existence.
--Mark
Janitor
Church of the Cute, Cuddly, and Randomly Violent
------------------------------
Message-Id: <9105021707.AA09290@beethoven.MIT.EDU>
From: "The Rt. Rev. Wor. Dr. Y. Foo" <dryfoo@athena.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Wildmon, just Wild! (long, but worth it dammit!)
Date: Thu, 02 May 91 13:07:16 EDT
Dear Slackers and Slackettes,
Dangerous Donald Wildmon of the American Fambly Association is at it
again, foaming out the orifices about "filth" on teevee. You can throw
a small monkey wrench into his good works. Consider the following
letters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chairman E.T. Pratt Jr.
Pfizer, Inc
235 E 42nd Street
New York, NY 10017
I have recently learned that your company has been made the target of
Donald Wildmon's cultural extremist groups, the American Family
Association and Clear TV, and that Mr. Wildmon is accusing you of
sponsoring "filth" on television.
I don't even know what shows your company currently sponsors, I consider
the AFA claims to be humorless xenophobic nonsense, and, as long as you
continue to be the target of their rantings, I will assume that you have
not backed down in your sponsorship of whatever it is that is getting
their dander up. Therefore, as long as their boycott continues, I will
make it a point to buy Pfizer products for myself, my family, and our
family business.
If you could send a list of Pfizer brand names and products to me, I
would forward the same to my managers and purchasing agents.
Thank you, and don't let the prigs and morons drag you down.
Sincerely,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chairman Samuel C. Johnson
S.C. Johnson & Sons
1525 Howe Street
Racine, WI 53403
<same letter as above, only changed Pfizer to S.C. Johnson>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now consider the text of the actual postcard that Mr. Wildman wants me
to send:
Dear Mr. <name>:
I've come to a decision I hope you understand. Due to <Company>'s being
a leading sponsor of network TV sex, vilence and profanity, and because
you have refused to change your practice, I can no longer buy your
company's products. No complaints about your products, understand.
Just the filth you help sponsor on TV.
My family is far more important to me than your products. So I won't
give you any more of my money for you to take and help sponsor filth on
TV.
Change your practice and I will be happy to return to buying your
products. But until then <Company> is a name I will associate with TV
filth.
The American Family Association will advise me should you make a change.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Suppose that YOU, oh Slackful Prankster, were to pick a company that
wasn't on the WildMan's list of accursed filth-mongers, and you and 49
of your nearest and dearest all sent letters to some perfectly innocent
and unwary company, denouncing them for "TV filth".
Imagine the confusion and consternation, the calls that Rev. WildMan
would have to send to the faithful explaining that it is S.C. Johnson of
Racine, WI, and NOT, say, Johnson & Johnson of New Brunswick, NJ that is
being boycotted. Or that some of his Faithful Fluffy Flock were
confusing say, Prize-Pfister, or Fisher-Price, with Pfizer.
Surely some of the Faithful and Fluffy Flock would grow restive and
confused, and go back to buying whatever they wanted.
Surely many letters would flow from the legal departments of the wrongly
targetted companies.
Surely the Fun Quotient of the Universe would be increased
Surely Good Slack would follow you all the days of your life.
Surely.
Just something to think about.
-- dr foo
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Gary L. Dryfoos | "Cigarettes! Cigarettes!
|ARPA/Internet: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu | American thru and thru!
| UUCP/Usenet: ...mit-eddie!athena.mit.edu!dryfoo| The Truest Taste of Freedom
| Phone: (617) 253-0184 / (617) 864-4248 | Is Cigarettes and You!"
| USPS: P.O. Box 505 Cambridge, MA 02142 |
+=============================================================================
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 May 91 18:08:02 PDT
From: Andrew Scott Beals <autodesk!melange!abeals@fernwood.mpk.ca.us>
Message-Id: <9105030108.AA13363@melange.YP.acad>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: "xbob" program
Now that I finally have an X server/client pair, I can no longer
find the xbob program!
If someone could be so kind as to tell me where I could ftp it
from, I would be ever so grateful.
Kill "Bob" or kill me!
Rev. Bong Di.
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
******************************
