Today's Topics:
Disconnected subgraphs of reality
Jousha Glasser, Slack Vampire
New horizons in ambulance chasing
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Date: Fri, 3 May 91 10:03:42 -0700
From: Rex Black <rex@devnet.la.locus.com>
Message-Id: <9105031703.AA415052@devnet.la.locus.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
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The Right Rev. wrote:
> Dear Slackers and Slackettes,
> Dangerous Donald Wildmon of the American Fambly Association is at it
> again... Suppose that YOU, oh Slackful Prankster, were to pick a company
> that wasn't on the WildMan's list of accursed filth-mongers, and you and 49
> of your nearest and dearest all sent letters to some perfectly innocent
> and unwary company, denouncing them for "TV filth".
This is not only fully hilarious, but socially conscious as well. Where
else but at the Altar of the SubGenius could one encounter such an amusing
paradox? If someone would post the list of Dear Dangerous Donald's Despised
Depositories of Dirt, I will happily pledge ten bucks a week in US postage
to pull said prank on "my friend" Donald Wildmon.
Rex
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Message-Id: <9105030513.AA00426@twitch.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Disconnected subgraphs of reality
Date: Fri, 03 May 91 01:13:20 EDT
From: Michael Travers <mt@media-lab.media.mit.edu>
Of course, they don't mention the fact that the Church had been
actively recruiting among the employees...
------- Forwarded Message
Date: Wed, 1 May 91 16:14:52 PDT
From: jane@stratus.swdc.stratus.com (Jane Beckman)
Subject: "Losing" a Warehouse
I've been meaning to post this for a while, as it is a perfect illustration
of the hazards of a system that gets too dependant on computer programs.
In 1989, Mongomery Ward had a sale of "discontinued, one-of-a-kind, and out-
of-date merchandise." A fellow I was dating, who was a Wards employee, told
me the story of where it had come from. Around 1985, Wards had reprogrammed
their master inventory program. Somehow, the entry for the major distribution
warehouse in Redding, California, was left out. One day, the trucks simply
stopped coming. Nothing was brought into the warehouse, and nothing left.
Paychecks for the employees, however, which were on a different system, kept
coming. While this was baffling to the employees, they figured it was better
not to make waves. (Rumor has it that they were afraid the warehouse had
been phased out, and they had "forgotten" to lay them off, and figured it was
better to stay employed.) They went to work every day, and moved boxes
around the warehouse, and submitted timecards, for three years, until someone
doing an audit finally wondered why major amounts of merchandise had simply
disappeared. Tracing things back, the missing warehouse was finally re-found.
They were then stuck with an entire warehouse full of white elephants---
merchandise that was three years out of date. Thus, Wards stores throughout
California ended up with major amounts of discontinued merchandise to sell at
deep discounts. Wards, being majorly embarrassed, tried to downplay how the
merchandise was "found." Or, more specifically, why it had become lost in
the first place.
The store employees got a big chuckle over the warehouse employees being
afraid to mention this oversight to the higher-ups, for fear of becoming
unemployed. Many references to "like jobs with the government."
Of course, the question is: is this the only case like this? Are there more
places where an operator entry glitch has caused some function to simply
disappear? Things like this happen when live people are accidentally classed
as "dead," etc. What happens if someone types the wrong thing, and the local
branch of your bank, or MacDonalds, or whatever, simply ceases to exist, to
the central computer?
Jane Beckman [jane@swdc.stratus.com]
------- End of Forwarded Message
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Date: Fri, 3 May 91 10:17:49 CDT
From: Steve Guccione <steveg@cayman.amd.com>
Message-Id: <9105031517.AA29276@cayman.AMD.COM>
To: SubGenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Jousha Glasser, Slack Vampire
Cc: steveg@cayman.amd.com
> From: "Mark S. Day" <mday@brokaw.lcs.mit.edu>
> Message-Id: <9105022052.AA11605@brokaw.LCS.MIT.EDU>
> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
> Subject: Joshua Glasser, Slack Vampire
>
> AIIIEEEEE!!!!
>
> I can remain silent no more. I am convinced that Joshua Glasser is
> not merely a conspicuously pink Bobby, but is an actual Slack Vampire.
[...]
Nothing could be further from the truth. I submit the following:
"I know Josh Glasser. I worked with Josh Glasser. And let
me tell you, Josh Glasser has Slack."
-- D. Quayle
"I thought I had slack. Then I met Glasser."
-- Jack Lord
("Steve McGarrett" on Hawaii Five-O)
"Glasser was the best Slack I've ever had."
-- Nancy Reagan
I can personally vouch for Glasser's Slack, too. He has more
slack than all the postal workers in Mexico COMBINED! If Slack were
concrete, Glasser would be the Hoover Dam and the Interstate highway
system combined. If I had 1/1000th the slack Glasser has I would be
in a coma.
-- Steve
-- 5/3/91
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Steve Guccione Advanced Micro Devices
steveg@AMD.COM 5900 East Ben White Blvd.
...!ames!amdcad!cayman!steveg M/S 573
Phone: (512) 462-5567 Austin, TX 78741
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Date: Fri, 3 May 91 11:09:11 EDT
From: Dale Worley <worley@compass.com>
Message-Id: <9105031509.AA22353@sn1987a.compass.com>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: New horizons in ambulance chasing
A divorce lawyer hired "four of the most beautiful women he could
find" to hang around in bars, get picked up by married men, and hand
out his business card!
He got in trouble with the Bar Association ethics committee for that
one.
Sounds like a truly Bobly sales technique to me!
Dale
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End of Subgenius Digest
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