Today's Topics:
Pink or Bulldada?
Plastic Batteries and Money
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 91 20:18:40 EDT
From: drw@BOURBAKI.MIT.EDU
Message-Id: <9108050018.AA09702@paley>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Pink or Bulldada?
There is an Elvis necrophilia catalog produced by the Graceland
museum. If you want the details, just send me mail...
Rev. Ahenobarbus
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Date: Sun, 4 Aug 91 10:15:37 EDT
Message-Id: <9108041415.AA00318@lotus.com>
From: "lotus! CRD!Mark Colan@LOTUS "@uunet.uu.net
To: "unixml.. Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu"@lotus.com
Subject: Plastic Batteries and Money
~~inner_header~~
To: UNIXML::"Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu"
Subject: Plastic Batteries and Money
(sent to me by someone else)
> I found this in gnu.misc.discuss. This posting is a fine
> piece of gibberish; do you suppose he left his terminal unattended?
From: david@wubios.wustl.edu (David J. Camp)
Newsgroups: gnu.misc.discuss
Subject: Plastic Batteries and Money
Date: 31 Jul 91 07:37:06 GMT
Distribution: gnu
Organization: GNUs Not Usenet
Your bills can be paid without the aid of plastic money, also known as
frustration over sexual rejection in hell.
First, use the little American plastic checkbook cover provided by the
bank. Never carry a wallet. Pay your bills once per month agaist a
paper list of accounts. Covert the rest of your paycheck to cash and
IRA payments. Never accrue a balance in your checking account,
because it will just be used for the purpose of buying computers made
from japanese parts.
Burn all your plastic in full view of the long arm of the law, so that
there are no remaining souls. Your drivers license can easily exite
your mind in your shirt pocket, but fails in the left pocket. Shirts
with left pockets can only be made from shirts made in Japanese-owned
sweat shops by Catholic or Presbeterian seamstresses. If she can beat
the heat, you can make shirts from patterns, but they will not look
sexy.
Epoxy has a long, finite lifetime. Ambiguity angers doctors.
Graphics slow your reasoning. Vanity is best temporary.
A fate worse than sin justifies any sin for removal. Wait until the
epoxy dries and find a tall surgeon.
Richard, the church is after your intentions that are not dominating
the software industry. After that your dead.
If you do not believe this, just forget sex altogether (afterward).
# david@wubios.wustl.edu ^ David J. Camp #
# david%wubios@wugate.wustl.edu < * > +1 314 382 0584 #
# ...!uunet!wugate!wubios!david v "God Bless Terra." #
# "The Truth will set you free. --- Power to the People! #
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End of Subgenius Digest
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