Today's Topics:
Madonna speaks!
Mysterious offense (2 msgs)
Stark Fist, etc.
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Date: Mon, 5 Aug 91 17:34:31 -0400
From: Eric Haines <eye!erich@uu.psi.com>
Message-Id: <9108052134.AA06637@juniper>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Madonna speaks!
A quote from Madonna about domestic life (from "View from the Ledge", by Chuck
Shepherd):
"I liked folding Sean's underwear. I like mating socks. I love taking
the lint out of the lint screen."
and now, a non-sequitur...
A quote from Don Dixon, convicted in the Vernon, Texas, S&L scandal, on the
prospect of going to jail:
"I can't believe that this society would have such short-sighted
thinking (as to send me to jail). It's a great expense to incarcerate
people who might be productive members of society."
He said he did nothing wrong in hiring prostitutes for S&L board members:
"It was artfully done in a classy manner."
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Date: Mon, 5 Aug 91 01:21:06 PDT
From: "D. V. Henkel-Wallace" <gumby@cygnus.com>
Message-Id: <9108050821.AA26996@cygnus.com>
To: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu
Cc: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
In-Reply-To: <9107311844.AA18816@thelonious.MIT.EDU>
Subject: Mysterious offense
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 91 14:44:13 EDT
From: "The Rt. Rev. Wor. Dr. Y. Foo" <>
I don't remember when I picked this up, but I wish I'd made better use
of it back then as a handy checklist. There are whole categories of
offense that I never considered.
Even after considering it I still couldn't imagine what sort of
bizarre and terrible transgression number 9 might refer to. Care to
elighten us?
| ____9. Flat tire, use of.
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From: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu
Message-Id: <9108051628.AA23066@thelonious.MIT.EDU>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu, dryfoo@athena.mit.edu
Cc: "D. V. Henkel-Wallace" <gumby@cygnus.com>
Subject: Mysterious offense
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 91 12:28:10 EDT
} Date: Mon, 5 Aug 91 01:21:06 PDT
} From: gumby@cygnus.com (D. V. Henkel-Wallace)
} Subject: Mysterious offense
}...
} Even after considering it I still couldn't imagine what sort of
} bizarre and terrible transgression number 9 might refer to. Care to
} elighten us?
}
} | ____9. Flat tire, use of.
Oh, sure. Sorry. I'd thought it was a universal American kid thing.
You probably called it something different down there in SOUTH Jersey.
A flat tire is a type of mindless kid prank wherein the pranker comes up
behind the strolling prankee and (timing is important here, kids!)
catches the rising heel of the prankee's rear-foot shoe with the toe of
his own. The prankee's foot continues up for a bit, and rides half out
his shoe. Prankee senses the absence of shoe-fit, stumbles, and puts
the foot back down -- stepping, hard, onto the "counter" (back) of the
shoe.
This all takes place in a second or two, and the prankee is disoriented.
He takes a couple of stumbling half steps while all this registers: the
back of his shoe is now half-off, and crushed flat, like a
house-slipper, and his peers all gather 'round to salute his undoing by
yelling "Flat tire! Flat tire!" Then Mr. Parasugo, the scary math
teacher with the mohawk haircut comes over and gives everybody cafeteria
detention.
Timing, as I say, is everything. You need to catch the heel just as the
foot starts to rise. Otherwise, it's a mere kick in the ankle.
(Professors of prankology theorize that the flat tire was, in fact,
originally a mere kick in the ankles that went wrong, yielding
unexpected success.)
For the advanced practitioner of the flat tire, there is a more subtle a
difficult technique, where, as the prankees foot begins to rise, instead
of trapping the heel, the pranker gently kicks upward underneath the
heel. The results of this must be seen to be appreciated.
Glad to be of service,
-- dr foo
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Gary L. Dryfoos - Athena Training Admin. |
| Internet: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu | "Documentation is Policy"
| Usenet: ...mit-eddie!athena.mit.edu!dryfoo |
| Phone: (617) 253-0184 / (617) 864-4248 | -- Kevin Cunningham
| USPS: 11-3??, MIT, Cambridge, MA 02139 |
+=============================================================================
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Date: Mon, 5 Aug 91 11:41:08 EDT
From: Dale Worley <worley@compass.com>
Message-Id: <9108051541.AA20738@sn1987a.compass.com>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Stark Fist, etc.
Does the Stark Fist still exist, and how much slack-infested currency
do I have to give to the Church to get it and a membership?
Rev. Ahenobarbus
-- In the shopping malls, in the high school halls -- conform or be cast out! In the basement bars, in the backs of cars -- be cool or be cast out! -- Rush, "Subdivisions"------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
