Today's Topics:
Get fundamentalists off the road!
Kentucky
Man Weds Victim of Murder Attempt
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Date: Tue, 13 Aug 91 00:35:41 -0700
From: joel s kollin <jkollin@u.washington.edu>
Message-Id: <9108130735.AA00085@milton.u.washington.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
> From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
> "What happens to his car if he's called up to Christ's bosom right now?"
Surely you've seen the only somewhat humorous Xian bumperslicker...
"Warning: Vehicle unmanned in case of Rapture"
Howabout "Warning: Vehicle unmanned in case of Xists Landing"
> Then, after the shopping experience, I noticed that there is a candy machine
> (25 cents) with Jerry Lewis saying "Help My Kids", Muscular Dystrophy, etc.
When is that bastard gonna get a vasectomy?
Revvy the K.
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Message-Id: <9108130431.AA10751@twitch.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Get fundamentalists off the road!
Date: Tue, 13 Aug 91 00:31:29 EDT
From: Michael Travers <mt@media-lab.media.mit.edu>
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Get right or get left
I assume this second saying is concerned with the Second Coming, where the
saved people fly up to heaven and the rest of us are left on Earth. Probably
kind of scary to think about if you're driving behind this car on the highway,
as in "What happens to his car if he's called up to Christ's bosom right now?"
Yes, I've always said that fundamentalists should be denied driver's
licenses on the grounds of recklessness (and they don't even need it
to buy booze, ostensibly). All these smug little sadists tooling
around just hoping they'll get translated upwards in time to watch the
ensuing wreckage. I'm sure many traffic fatalities are caused by these
types prematurely releasing control, maybe confusing a little highway
haze with the Rapture.
Fortunately there is an organization working to get these morons off
the road -- Mothers Against Christian Extremist Drivers (MACED). For
the sake of the children, send $5 to MACED, PO Box 505, Cambridge MA
02139. Make the Rapture something we can ALL look forward to.
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Date: Tue, 13 Aug 91 08:40:07 -0400
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9108131240.AA20907@juniper>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Kentucky
Today on "Good Morning America", which has a wonderful soporific effect on our
baby, there was a human interest story on two places in Kentucky: Bobtown,
and Nobob (150 miles west of Bobtown). Nobob is also called "Flathead", due to
someone getting hit by a piece of metal and getting one.
You are advised to incorporate this information into you or your
ShorDurPerSav's mythos as soon as is industrially possible.
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Date: Tue, 13 Aug 91 08:43:05 -0400
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9108131243.AA20911@juniper>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Man Weds Victim of Murder Attempt
Man Weds Victim of Murder Attempt
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) - Melanie Lnenicka watched as the man who shot her in
the head pleaded guilty to reduced charges and was sentenced to jail. Then she
married him.
The bride wore a black-and-white polka dot dress; the groom, jailed since the
April 23 attack, wore the standard orange inmate's jumpsuit.
James Maclin Jr., 21, had been charged with attempted murder, willful injury
and terrorism in the April 23 attack on Lnenicka, 18, in the apartment the
couple shared.
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End of Subgenius Digest
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