Today's Topics:
Holiday Greetings from the Post Office
Laws of the Jungle
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Message-Id: <9112132055.AA08443@mahler>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Holiday Greetings from the Post Office
Date: Fri, 13 Dec 91 15:55:00 -0500
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 91 00:33:56 -0500
From: Palmer Vreedees <pv@propaganda.church.subg.org>
Subject: Postal worker leaves automated stamper in test configuration
According to a report by WEWS-TV, a repair technician at a U.S. Postal Service
facility in Columbus, OH, when repairing a machine used to automatically stamp
messages on cancelled letters, reconfigured the machine to display a test
message that he had learned from his instructor during training, but forgot to
reset the machine to print the correct message after he completed his repairs.
So now, instead of "MERRY CHRISTMAS" or "HOLIDAY GREETINGS", thousands of
letters in circulation bear the message "CTHULU RULES OK".
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Message-Id: <9112132057.AA08455@mahler>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Laws of the Jungle
Date: Fri, 13 Dec 91 15:57:06 -0500
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
Date: Thu, 26 Sep 1991 09:23:00 EST
From: LYDIA FISH <FISHLM@SNYBUFVA.BITNET>
Subject: Murphey's Laws of Combat (x-post)
Sender: LORE - Folklore List <LORE@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
Forwarded from NAM VET, Volume 5, number 9 (September 17, 1991)
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Murphy's list continues to grow!
Anonymous
A special THANKS to Dave Doehrman and Khe Sanh Vets Newsletter;
Springfield, MA VVA Chapter 111; Lt. Col Jack Finch USA (Ret.) and
members of the VIETNAM_VETS International Echo for helping us keep
Murphy's list growing! Okay... now all we need is to have our
Desert Shield/Desert Storm folks let us know how Murphy treated
them? How's about it, folks?
- An Incomplete List of Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations -
1. Military intelligence can be a contradiction in terms.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow
down.
4. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
5. If the enemy is within range, then so are you.
6. Friendly fire - isn't.
7. If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid.
8. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
9. If you're short of everything except the enemy, then you're in
the combat zone.
10. Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.
11. The easy way is always mined.
12. Tracers work both ways.
13. Sh*t happens.
14. Incoming fire has the right of way.
15. Teamwork is essential. It gives them other people to shoot at.
16. Never draw fire - it irritates everyone around you.
17. No combat ready unit has ever passed an inspection.
18. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
19. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get
out.
20. If both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're
both right.
21. Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of
dangerous amateurs.
22. Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up.
23. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
24. In war, important things are very simple and all simple things
are hard.
25. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
26. Communications will fail as soon as you need fire support.
27. Weather ain't neutral.
28. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
29. Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
30. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.
31. All five second grenade fuses are three seconds.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is
incoming friendly.
33. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
34. No OPLAN survives first contact intact.
35. If it flies, it dies.
36. When you are forward of your position, the artillery will
always be short.
37. Suppressive fire - won't.
38. You are not Superman.
39. Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
40. B-52's are the ultimate in close air support.
41. Sniper's motto: Reach out and touch someone.
42. Peace is our profession - mass murder's just a hobby.
43. Killing for peace is like whoring for virginity.
44. There's always a way.
45. Murphy was a grunt.
46. It's not the one with your name on it - it's the round
addressed "to whom it may concern" ya gotta think about.
47. Remember napalm is an area weapon.
48. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
50. There is no such thing as the perfect plan.
51. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. when you are ready for them.
b. when you are not ready for them.
52. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
53. Marine math: 2 beers times 39 Marines is 49 cases.
54. Body Count Math: 2 VC plus 1 chicken and 3 pigs equals 37
enemy killed in action.
55. Things that must be together to work, can't be carried in the
field that way.
56. If you take more than your share of objectives, you will be
given more than your share of objectives to take.
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Lydia Fish, Director
Vietnam Veterans Oral History and Folklore Project
Department of Anthropology
Buffalo State College
1300 Elmwood Avenue
Buffalo NY 14222
Office: (716) 878 6110
FAX: (716) 878 4009
BITNET: FISHLM@SNYBUFVA
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End of Subgenius Digest
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