Miner Jimmy Greenfield's past caught up with him when a blast of air
blew a 30-year old newspaper down a ventilation shaft into his face
at Westoe colliery, Tyne and Wear. The paper contained a story about
a car crash he had as an 18-year-old in 1962.
_Bristol_Evening_Post_, _Daily_Mirror_ 18 Mar 1992
* * *
Firemen had to free Bill the plumber after he got his head jammed in
a lavatory bowl at his home in Puckeridge, Hertfordshire. His full
name was W. C. Sticks.
_Sun_ 17 Dec 1991
* * *
Transylvanians traditionally eat pork at Christmas and treat the rind
as a delicacy. Farmers inflate the dead pigs using the exhaust of a
vacuum cleaner or a pump to stretch the skin and burn straw to remove
the hair and clean it. Last Christmas, a farmer from Cluj in Transylvania
pumped up his pig with butane gas as his vacuum cleaner was broken. Not
surprsingly, the pig exploded when he singed its hair with a naked flame.
The blast tore the pig to pieces and hurled its owner to the ground. He
spent three days in hospital recovering.
_Reuters_ 20 Dec 1991
* * *
Lolita Arellano, 34, from Bacolod on Negros Island in the Phillipines,
was depressed that Mount Pinatubo had killed 700 people since erupting
in June on Luzon Island north of Manilla: so she took a scythe and
beheaded her three sleeping sons, Manny (7), Everlito (6) and Romulo (4).
She also slit her wrist during the 3am episode but a sister rushed her to
hosptal. She told neighbours that she was offering the heads to pacify
the volcano.
_AP_ 10 Nov 1991
* * *
A dead woman made an eight day journey across China to be married to a
man who had died a bachelor. Dying unmaried is traditionally believed to
be unlucky for the deceased, so the man's family employed a `matchmaker
for the dead.' The matchmaker, Zhang Jiahua, 44, dug up the body of a
woman in Sichuan province and was taking it to be buried with the
bachelor in Shanxi when the railway officials searched his baggage. The
corpse they found had been dead for two years.
London _Evening_Standard_ 18 Feb 1992
* * *
Mohammed Jabber, 33, has been jailed for three years for kidnapping a
former Bangladeshi politician in Poplar, east London, and forcing a chilli
pepper up his rectum in a row over debt. Jabber, a community worker,
photographed the man as he suffered ``considerable pain.''
_Daily_Telegraph_ 21 Nov 1991
* * *
A tourist found a human foot on the beach at Coles Bay, Tasmania, on 26
February 1992. Two days later, a second foor was washed up on Swansea
Beach nine miles away. Tasmanian police did not believe that the feet
belonged to the same person, as one was wearing a sneaker and the other
a walking boot. They were sent to the Royal Hobart Hospital for forensic
tests.
Brisbane (Australia) _Courier_Mail_ 6 Mar 1992
* * *
--
graham a stephen ``The only key to your riddle is
(e-mail: graham@sees.bangor.ac.uk) to accept the absence of a key.''
-- Laibach, 1992
------------------------------
From: Bill Marrs <viewpnt!bill@uunet.uu.net>
Message-Id: <9207091236.AA02832@wayforward>
Subject: SpyVsBob
To: uunet!mc.lcs.mit.edu!Subgenius@uunet.uu.net
Date: Thu, 9 Jul 92 8:36:27 EDT
SpyVsBob!?
I must have it.
Where can I get this?
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 9 Jul 1992 12:55:21 PDT
From: Michael_Swatek.El_Segundo@xerox.com
Subject: Unsolicited rants in the mail
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
cc: MSwatek.El_Segundo@xerox.com
Reply-to: Michael_Swatek.El_Segundo@xerox.com
Message-ID: <" 9-Jul-92 12:55:21 PDT".*.Michael_Swatek.El_Segundo@Xerox.com>
I got a set of unsolicited rants in the mail from CDUSA (Committee on Decency
in USA) that I thought you good people should know about. They came in a hand
addressed (nice writing, too -- not some near unintelligble scrawl) envelope,
presumptuously using the non-standard diminutive for my name ("Mick") (like
we're buddies or something) that I only use in email forums. I have no idea
why I got this -- somebody must have sold or raided a list somewhere.
I can't tell if this guy is pro or Con, xtian or martian. The mailing
consisted of five, numbered (the highest number I got was #270), two-sided
single-spaced, typed rants. My favorites are #270 "How much Sin can I get away
with and still get to heaven?" and #216 "Perfected Christians". An excerpt
from the latter:
"... They [xtians] have been taught that only AFTER DEATH is it possible for
them to be sinless. AFTER DEATH THEY WILL BE PERFECT AS THE CHRIST WAS before
his death. ... Only AFTER DEATH can they reach the "impossible goal". This is
CHRISTIAN doctrine that has been well taught and well accpeted by all of
christianity. Christians will even fight for the right to have their doctrine
concerning this. By their own admission and logical reasoning, THE ONLY
PERFECT CHRISTIAN IS A DEAD CHRISTIAN!
...
"CHRISTIAN, DO YOU "BROTHER A FAVOR BY KILLING HIM! Since this is the only way
for him to become "perfect in all things", why wouldn't it be the right thing
for you to do? What harm could there be in "perfecting a christian"?
"Christian, do this "WORLD" a favor by killing your christian "brother"! Not
only would it rid your "brother" of sin but it would also reduce the amount of
sin in this world! ...
For more info, write or call:
CDUSA (Committee on Decency in USA)
R2 Box 86
Milford, IN 46542
(219) 658-4239 658-9688 658-4762
Oh, also enclosed was the more personal note "Do you know of any conventions or
big meetings I can picket? I'll return your postage if you let me know,
Thanks."
You folks do whatever you have to do.
non-reverend Mick
mswatek.elsegundo@xerox.com
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
******************************
X-Digestifier-Version: 2.5
Message-Id: <dig-Subgenius-3.118@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Sat, 11 Jul 92 00:03:52 EDT
From: Automatic Subgenius Digestifier <Subgenius-request@mc.lcs.mit.edu@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Reply-To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Subgenius Digest V3 #118
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subgenius Digest Sat, 11 Jul 92 Volume 3 : Issue 118
Today's Topics:
Dissociated Prez
FWD>Tech Righting...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Message-Id: <9207101624.AA03597@mahler.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu, big-politix@media.mit.edu
Subject: Dissociated Prez
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 92 12:24:23 -0400
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
Want to have your own personal George Bush agent? Get the SimBush
program, which does an uncanny job of capturing the cognitive style of
our national leader. It's available on the Internet via anonymous
FTP:
sumex-aim.stanford.edu:info-mac/sim-bush-10.hqx
------------------------------
Message-Id: <00416.2793610438.21113@instance.com>
Organization: Digitalk Professonial Services, Portland, Oregon
To: Sub-Genius List <subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu>,
Jon Marshall <jon@portland.digitalk.com>,
Alan McKean <alan@portland.digitalk.com>
From: Tim O'Connor <toc@portland.digitalk.com>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1992 10:51:02 PST
Subject: FWD>Tech Righting...
>From UUPSI FWD>Tech Righting...
Article 2657 of rec.humor.funny:
Mateo Burtch (elvis@sun.com)
Sun Microsystems
--------------------------
The Society for Technical Communication (STC) released its
annual Report on the Status of Technical Writers today. This
report, issued by the STC's Writers' Committee on
Technical Scribes, monitors the civil and human rights of
technical writers throughout the world and documents abuses
against them. It also includes a handy quick-reference guide
to basic Fortran compiler options.
Overall, the report noted that the situation for technical
writers the world over is "precarious, and, in many cases, is
worsening rapidly. In particular, writers in the Third World
routinely live in poverty and squalor." (The report noted that
this may apply to other people in the Third World as well.)
The report concludes:
To the twin I-beams of Democracy and Freedom one may
add those of Technical Accuracy and Good Visual
Layout. But these too are threatened by mankind's
age-old nemeses: Bigotry . . . Hatred . . . Right
Justification. If the human race is not only to
survive, but to prosper in the heart and in the mind
and in the soul, technical writers must practice their
ageless craft unencumbered by fear, privation, or
schedules.
Some of the highlights of the Committee's report include:
o Worldwide deaths involving courier font have increased
9% over the past two years.
o Canada recently passed legislation making the passive
voice the national language.
o In China's remote Dimsum province, oxen are used in
place of technical writers, with no apparent loss of
readability.
o In North Korea, police departments no longer use electric
cattle prods to torture dissidents, replacing them
instead with extremely slow and finicky daisy wheel
printers.
o The Frame Technology Corporation now touts its product
as "disposable."
o Torture of technical writers by roving gangs of
hooligans known as "editors" is rampant in Northern
Ireland, where sectarian violence between different
spellers of "filesystem" runs out of control. One
particularly gruesome form of punishment is "chopping":
holding a writer down and then cutting the dangly
thing off his cedilla.
o A similar practice is "stet-ing," the continual removal
and replacement of chunks of text, leaving the
writer dazed and confused. (Or more dazed and confused,
to be exact.)
o A worldwide shortage of #2 pencils has left many
technical writers in poorer countries unable to
take notes or doodle during meetings--forcing them
to pay attention or end the meeting by flinging
live poisonous insects at the other attendees.
o The Baath Socialist party of Syria has introduced the
use of cuneiform stone tablets, which jam PostScript
printers.
What can you do? Lots. Send a letter to the head of government
of one of the cited countries; include a diagram with mixed fonts
and at least one incorrect cross-reference. Show them you mean
business. Or write to the UN High Commissioner on the Status of
Technical Writers, stating that you are categorically opposed to
the use of mustard gas during staff meetings and that you're
still having problems figuring out which way the darn CD is supposed
to go in. Or you can have a fundraising party, inviting all your
technical writer friends and promising them that if they give
a donation to Save the Tech Writers you'll cancel the performance
art you had scheduled for the evening.
A copy of the report is available from the Copy Center and
from your local samadzat.
--Mateo Burtch
(c) 1992 Mateo Burtch
Yes, you can forward this; just keep my name attached to it
or I'll publicly link you with Ron Reagan.
--
"A typical long haired half mad computer programmer on a typical computer
keyboard with odd toys scattered liberally about."
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
******************************
X-Digestifier-Version: 2.5
Message-Id: <dig-Subgenius-3.119@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Wed, 15 Jul 92 00:03:33 EDT
From: Automatic Subgenius Digestifier <Subgenius-request@mc.lcs.mit.edu@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Reply-To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Subgenius Digest V3 #119
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subgenius Digest Wed, 15 Jul 92 Volume 3 : Issue 119
Today's Topics:
news of the weird
Sim - blah
sim-bush-10
Skinned Mice
slackful thesis
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Christopher Penrose <penrose@silvertone.princeton.edu>
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 92 22:57:16 EDT
Message-Id: <9207150257.AA02576@dobro>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
MILLBOURNE, Pa. (UPI) -- Fears that outlaws will hide behind corn
stalks has prompted the borough of Millbourne to outlaw tall vegetables.
An ordinance passed by the Borough Council this week makes it illegal
in the suburban Philadelphia community to grow corn or any other
vegetbale that exceed six feet in height.
``If you have eight-foot corn stalks it's easy for people to hide
behind them,'' said Millbourne police Sgt. Joseph Heffernan.
In addition to banning tall vegetables, the ordinance also prohibits
the borough's 850 residents from growing vegetables of any kind in their
front yards.
The yard ban followed complaints from residents who were offended by
the sight of vegetables growing in front of rowhouses.
``I think it looks like the very devil,'' said Council President
Dorothy McNeil, who said several of her neighbors were cultivating front
yard vegetable gardens.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 92 16:55:45 PDT
From: Chuck Shepherd <cshepherd@igc.org>
Message-Id: <9207142355.AA07058@cdp.igc.org>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: news of the weird
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* In a recent poll reported in Le Point magazine in
France, 20% of females (analyzing hypothetical
employment situations) said they would not consider it
sexual harassment if they were asked to undress during
a job interview. [Minneapolis Star-Tribune-New York
Times, 5-10-92]
People Unclear on the Concept
* Criminal Justice Professor Michael Petrik, 30, who
taught the "alternatives to prison" course at Nassau
County (N. Y.) Community College, was arrested in May
for helping two inmates escape from a correctional
facility in Warwick, N. Y. Said a former student, "He
made class interesting. I guess everybody has their
own little secrets." [N. Y. Times, 5-20-92]
* Robby Doyle Calhoun, 30, was arrested for stabbing
letter carrier Raymond Bell, 35, in Dallas in April.
Apparently, Calhoun was upset about receiving bills. A
police detective said that Calhoun had told a
maintenance man the day before that he was "going to
get the mailman." [Austin American-Statesman-AP, 4-16-
92]
* In May, the Capital Security Command in Bangkok
established a "coup d'etat hotline." People wanting to
check out rumors can call 240-2111 to see whether there
has been a revolution. [Bangkok Post, 5-10-92]
* In February, Roman Catholic parishioners in Sluis,
The Netherlands, disturbed by loud noises that
interrupted their worshiping, opened the curtains of a
confessional to find a man and woman having sex inside.
(The parish priest was out of town at the time and thus
could not grant the couple absolution for the
incident.) [Chicago Tribune-Reuters, 2-16-92]
* Thedford Browning, 20, filling out identification
papers in a Springfield, Mass., courtroom in October in
an attempt to be released from jail without a money
bond after his arrest on a crack cocaine charge, listed
his occupation as "drug dealer." The judge denied the
request and imposed a $20,000 bond. [Springfield Union
News, 10-11-91]
Cultural Diversity
* Canadian doctors recently reported an alarming
increase in the number of immigrant African females
whose genitals have been mutilated for cultural reasons
(for example, lacerating skin around the vagina so that
it would grow over the opening to create a "natural"
chastity belt). Canadian physicians say they cannot
ethically perform such surgery when demanded by some
Somalian, Kenyan, Ugandan, and Sudanese parents for
their young daughters because it would violate Canada's
child-abuse laws. [The Medical Post, 2-4-92]
* A Washington, D. C., organization, Africa Watch,
estimates that as many as 100,000 people, mostly
children, still live in slavery in the Islamic country
of Mauritania. The slaves are paid no salary, have no
rights, and can be tortured or killed by their owners
without penalty. [[Memphis Commercial-Appeal-AP, 4-26-
92]]
* In April, former Springfield, Ore., Human Rights
Commissioner Katherine Maris (a white woman who is
married to a black man) was convicted under the state's
racial intimidation law for making repeated racial
insults against police officer John Patterson, who is
black. Patterson had stopped her for driving the wrong
way on a one-way street. [[Eugene Register-Guard,
Apr92]]
* The German town of Marl announced recently that it
would replace half the bicycle signs on the town's
bicycle paths by the end of 1992. All of the signs now
illustrate the frame of a "man's" bicycle; half will be
replaced by illustrations of a "woman's" bicycle.
[[Columbus Dispatch, Mar92]]
* In May, the Maui County (Hawaii) Council tabled an
ordinance that would ban the backyard killing of dogs
because of opposition by some groups that such a ban
would be discriminatory based on their religious
tradition of eating dogs. [USA Today, 5-29-92]
* Spartanburg, S. C., mayor Bob Rowell changed his mind
in April about publicizing a proclamation dedicated to
Holocaust survivors. He admitted that the reason was
his fear of offending the German BMW car company, which
was then deciding between Spartanburg and Omaha as the
site for a new U. S. plant. In July, BMW selected
Spartanburg. [Washington Post, 4-29-92]
The Weirdo-American Community
* Sheriff Bill Wiester announced in Moses Lake, Wash.,
in March that he had arrested a man sitting in a car
bobbing his head and who thus looked like he was doing
drugs. On closer inspection, however, no drugs were
found; the man had a straw in his mouth and was blowing
bubbles into a fishbowl he was holding in his lap,
aerating the water for his pet piranha. [Eugene
Register-Guard-AP, 3-26-92]
Least Competent Person
* Sam F. Stewart, 17, was arrested for burglary in
Waskom, Tex., in April, after he had broken into a van
housed in a residential garage and then inadvertently
activated the electric locks while trying to start the
car. As he hit various controls in an attempt to get
out of the car, he awoke the owners. Stewart was still
trapped inside the car when police arrived. [Newport
News Daily Press, 4-25-92]
The Diminishing Value of Life
* Dietrick Mitchell, 16, was charged with the vehicular
murder of pedestrian Daniel Goetsch, 16, near Aurora,
Colo., last October. According to a passenger in
Mitchell's car, Mitchell had aimed for Goetsch, whom he
did not know, on the street and announced "three
points" for hitting him. [Rocky Mountain News, 10-30-
91]
- - - - - - - - - -
Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P. O. Box
8306, St. Petersburg FL 33738.
Chuck Shepherd's three paperback collections, News
of the Weird, More News of the Weird, and Beyond News
of the Weird, are available at most major bookstores.
------------------------------
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Sim - blah
From: PeterZ@hypermail.apple.com
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1992 17:46:29 PST
Message-Id: <Zukoski1.10729.2793980789@HyperMail.apple.com>
It's actually
sumex-aim.stanford.edu:info-mac/game/sim-bush-11.hqx
Pick up sim-piglet-11.hqx while you're there, if porcine grunts enthrall you.
Pope Ridiculous the Sublime (or is it the other way around?), Church of
Sense as NonSense, First Karma Mechanic of our own local dharma wheel of
the rolling chapter of the transmission of the teachings of daily driving
and auto-motive maintenance
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 92 14:23:52 -0400
From: John Woods <jfw@eddie.mit.edu>
Message-Id: <9207141823.AA29320@EDDIE.MIT.EDU>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: sim-bush-10
Two-and-a-half things to note about this: it is now available from
sumex-aim.stanford.edu:/info-mac/game/sim-bush-11.hqx, having just been
fixed from version 1.0, and second, it only works on Macintoshes (since
Bill Gates was just given an award by the Sim-Bush Administration).
Also of note for Mac-heads: ftp.apple.com:/pub/pugh/quicktime/quayleseason.bin
contains a QuickTime movie of dear Danny-boy (the file is MacBinary format, so
be careful ftp'ing it).
------------------------------
Message-Id: <10815.9207141940@sol.sees.bangor.ac.uk>
Subject: Skinned Mice
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 92 20:43:10 BST
Organisation: SEES, Univ College of N Wales, Bangor, Gwynedd, LL57 1UT, UK
From: The Land of Confusion <graham@sees.bangor.ac.uk>
S K I N N E D M I C E P R O T E S T S H O C K S
G A L L E R Y V I S I T O R S
Skinned mice went on display at an art gallery yesterday, prompting a
walk-out by outraged visitors and a flood of complaints to staff.
The display, at Scarborough Art Gallery, features 63 skinned mice
(caught by a cat), as well as the severed limbs from a butchered
dog and the remains of three rabbits.
The artist, Catherine Gregory, of Hull, said she put on the show
because she wanted to ``shock people out of their complacency over
animals.'' She added: ``I am simply trying to present everyday
animals in a way which may provoke thought on how we treat them.''
David James, Scarborough council's director of tourism, warned that the
four-week exhibition would be banned if protests were strong enough.
He said: ``I'm uncomfortable about this form of art and personally don't
like it. But when you take away freedom of expression, art is one of the
first things to be censored.''
The gallery's curator, Josie Montgomery, said: ``Some people are going
to be horrified but it is a protest for animal rights.''
-- The Guardian, Tuesday July 14 1992.
--
graham a stephen ``The only key to your riddle is
(e-mail: graham@sees.bangor.ac.uk) to accept the absence of a key.''
-- Laibach, 1992
------------------------------
From: "Eric A. Haines" <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9207142008.AA14036@hemlock>
Subject: slackful thesis
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 92 16:08:49 EDT
In his masters' thesis, "Adaptive Voxel Subdivision for Ray Tracing",
David Jevans slackfully has as the first paragraph of "Acknowledgements":
As a young, overfunded graduate student, I would often pass idle
hours drinking medicinal alcoholic concoctions, and firing shotgun
blasts at pieces of paper nailed to the side of the university's
orgone accumulator outhouse. Imagine my surprise when I discovered
that the performance graphs of my ray tracing algorithms exactly
matched the patterns blasted into those pellet ridden sheafs!
Seeing this as a sign of divine acceptance, of some kind of grand
conjunction of information, I collected my results into the volume
of forbidden knowledge that you hold before you.
Good thesis, too.
- Eric ("157th incarnation of the inexorable world egg" to my friends)
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
******************************
X-Digestifier-Version: 2.5
Message-Id: <dig-Subgenius-3.120@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 92 00:02:58 EDT
From: Automatic Subgenius Digestifier <Subgenius-request@mc.lcs.mit.edu@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Reply-To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Subgenius Digest V3 #120
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subgenius Digest Thu, 16 Jul 92 Volume 3 : Issue 120
Today's Topics:
3 points is right...
are the tumors infallible?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Message-Id: <9207151538.AA03053@enet-gw.pa.dec.com>
Date: Wed, 15 Jul 92 08:38:09 PDT
From: "Brad Daniels @ HSO, DTN 441-3590 15-Jul-1992 1033" <daniels@bigred.enet.dec.com>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Cc: daniels@bigred.enet.dec.com
Subject: 3 points is right...
