Today's Topics:
frrreee elegdrizzity fur everrrybody!!
mystery orders from outer space
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Date: Tue, 21 Jul 92 19:41:02 PDT
From: Chuck Shepherd <cshepherd@igc.apc.org>
Message-Id: <9207220241.AA07147@cdp.igc.org>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
WEIRDNUZ.234 (News of the Weird, July 31, 1992)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* Now available at your local pharmacy, from Unimed
Co., is "Unimist"--"Instant Dry Mouth Relief"--in a
fine, pump-squeeze container. It "eliminates dryness
by replenishing normal levels of moisture" and is "safe
to use" with a "refreshingly slightly minty taste." [ad
in Village Voice, 5-5-92]
People with Too Much Time on Their Hands
* Among the award-winning stories at the Texas
Associated Press Managing Editors Association awards in
May was one from the Austin American-Statesman,
reporting a plan by city officials of Rollingwood, Tex.
The officials planned to spray-paint all dogs that had
gotten loose in the city so that owners would call up
to complain and could then easily be cited for
violating a local law prohibiting their dogs from
roaming free. [Austin American-Statesman, 5-3-92]
* Among the information that came to light in April as
a result of Atlanta's new government officials'
financial disclosure law was the existence the city's
not-well-known "Board of Astrology." The Associated
Press could find no records of the board at City Hall
but concluded after interviewing its three smoked-out
members that the board administers tests to, and
licenses, prospective astrologers. [AP wirecopy, 4-27-
92]
* Norman W. Bertsavage of Pottsville, Pa., told
reporters in February that he still wanted "to carry on
my argument" in his campaign for the Republican
nomination for President, despite a poor showing in the
New Hampshire primary. (He received no votes.) The
day after the election, he compared himself to Mikhail
Gorbachev, citing their similar messages of party
reform. [Hazleton Standard-Speaker, 2-19-92]
* In November, actor Charlton Heston, in a letter in
the Los Angeles Times, admonished the producers of the
TV show, "Studs," to provide the participants with free
AIDS tests "as part of the casting process," since the
show's premise is that the participants will have sex.
[Tuscaloosa News, 11-20-91]
* A Michigan boating agency official, after examining
all accidents in the state over the last 15 years,
concluded recently that the most dangerous activity for
boaters is falling overboard. [Canoe, May 1992]
Cliches Come to Life
* Channel 5 in Nashville, Tenn., held a "Mission:
Bermuda Triangle" trivia contest in May offering
viewers a chance to win a seven-day vacation in
Florida. The contest had to be restarted after the
"hundreds" of initial entries disappeared from the
station. (The manager suspects a cleaning-crew
mistake.) [The Tennessean, 5-30-92]
* James Sinclair, who had sued the Los Angeles Police
Department in an excessive-force case, shot his lawyer,
Michael Friedman, to death in June. The Associated
Press said witnesses to the shooting quoted Sinclair as
saying, "Attorneys have ruined the world," "Attorneys
have done enough damage to the people," and "Now is the
day of justice." [L. A. Times, 6-2-92; Washington Post-
AP, 6-3-92]
* A 15-year-old boy was arrested for suspicion of
murder in March after a 5-year-old boy a half mile
away, in Carson, Calif., was hit by a flying bullet
seconds after the older boy fired his gun almost
straight up into the air while showing off for friends.
[Columbia Missourian-AP, 3-25-92]
* Peace activist Kwazi Nkrumah, angered by a series of
unfavorable articles by local newspaper editor Bruce
Anderson in Santa Rosa, Calif., confronted Anderson in
May and slugged him. [[Santa Maria Times, May92]]
* In June, a 29-year-old man from Moab, Utah, fell to
his death off the North Rim of the Grand Canyon while
backing up to have his picture taken. [Deseret News-AP,
6-27-92]
The Weirdo-American Community
* In July, the Iowa Board of Dental Examiners charged
dentist Vincent P. Graettinger, whose license had
already been suspended in May, with another incident in
June. The Board said Graettinger locked a female
patient in a room by herself and forced her to watch a
film on proper dental care. Graettinger denied the
charge and accused the Board of "nitpicking." [Des
Moines Register, Jul92]
Least Competent Person
* Janie A. Coleman was arrested in Columbia, Mo., in
January after being accused of trying to pass counterfeit $5 bills
in the purchase of perfume. The bills were merely photocopied
fronts and backs of bills, taped together. [Missourian, 2-2-92]
The Diminishing Value of Life
* Cozette Wright, 35, was charged in May with stabbing
her daughter, Dennisha, 20, on Mother's Day in Omaha,
Neb., after an argument over who was the better mother.
[Edmonton Journal, 5-12-92]
END
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Message-Id: <9207212224.AA00244@ops-6>
From: "The Rt. Rev. Wor. Dr. Y. Foo" <dryfoo@athena.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: frrreee elegdrizzity fur everrrybody!!
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 92 18:24:30 EDT
from a recent New York Times:
Learn How To Get
FREE ELECTRICITY FROM AIR!
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Spend the most amazing 90 minutes of your life discovering
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Anybody here know anything about this guy. (Ol' Nick Tesla used to
promise the sort of thing, didn't he?)
-- dr foo
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Gary L. Dryfoos - I/S-Athena Training Admin. | "We've had sex."
| Internet: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu |
| Usenet: ...mit-eddie!athena.mit.edu!dryfoo | -- George Bush,
| Phone: w: (617) 253-0184 / fax: 253-8665 | describing his
| Office: Room 11-311, MIT, Cambridge, MA 02139 | relationship with
| USPS: P.O. Box 505, Cambridge, MA 02142 | Ronald Reagan.
+=============================================================================
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From: "D. V. Henkel-Wallace" <gumby@cygnus.com>
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 92 04:41:17 EDT
Message-Id: <9207210841.AA23140@tweedledumb.cygnus.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
In-Reply-To: <9207161657.AA06765@lao. bellahs.com>
Subject: mystery orders from outer space
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 92 09:57:56 PDT
From: Dean Ellis PSE <dean@bellahs.com>
subscribe Dean M Ellis
Yes yes, submit! SUBSCRIBE Dean M Ellis! Dean M Ellis: subscribe or
BURN in HELL forever!! SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE OK!
Rt. Rev "Ah English, where the hortatory looks like the imperative" Grammatik.
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End of Subgenius Digest
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