Today's Topics:
KGB GIFs and whatnot
Peanut Butter and Satan
the coyote
weird news
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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 92 09:41:38 -0400
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9208111341.AA29551@hemlock>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: KGB GIFs and whatnot
>From: pi@wam.umd.edu (Raymond L. Gilbert)
Organization: Workstations at Maryland, University of Maryland, College Park
Subject: Re: Internet Access to Russian Archives?
In article <1992Jun29.085203.7345@wam.umd.edu>, I write:
> A new Library of Congress exhibition of 300 documents from Russian
> archives makes house calls. Computer users on the Internet network
> ... can dial up and read once secret memos on the Cuban missile
> crisis, Chernobyl and more--in English or Russian....
Thanks for the response. Due to the large number of people who have
replied to me asking me for the information, I have decided to post what I
have found out. I am espcially grateful to Bill Innanen and Thomas Greene for
telling me (us) how to access the LC info. What follows is from a posting to
the RUSSIA listserver and internet.history.
The exhibit "Revelations from the Russian Archives", opened today, June
17, 1992, at the Library of Congress. Those who wish to retrieve selected
portions of the documents contained in the exhibit may follow the following
instructions.
FTP to seq1.loc.gov
USERID: anonymous
PASSWORD: anything or your address
CD pub
CD soviet.archive
get README
The README file gives information about the documents available. Continue to
transfer files of interest using "get [filename]." Files are in ASCII format
and are not very long (no need for compressed files). For those files with
the extension .GIF (images of original Russian text) you need some type of GIF
viewer. This software is available on bulletin boards.
Special Projects Office,
Library of Congress
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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 92 11:59:51 GMT-0600
From: Ward <ward@thames.sun1.mcsr.olemiss.edu>
Message-Id: <9208111759.AA02199@ thames >
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Peanut Butter and Satan
Many people do not realize just how EVIL creamy peanut butter is...
(this is set in the X-ian biblical mythos, but can be re-told to fit into any relevant mythos)
Back in the Genesis era, God and his board of trustees were discussing this Eden place.
They wanted to put something there that would give all people Wisdom, and thus Open
their Eyes. They needed something pure, something divine, something with NO negative
aspects.
They picked Peanut Butter.
Ya see, back then, there was NO creamy peanut butter. Nobody had even THOUGHT of
it. All they knew was crunchy, so they considered it to be the only peanut butter. They
loved it.
Well, old Satan, he didn't like Peanut Butter. He _especially_ didn't like all this talk about
how great the stuff was, considering how much he hated it. So, he tried to think of at least
one negative aspect of Peanut Butter, just to make sure they never used it. He couldn't.
Eventually, he had an idea.....
Creamy Peanut Butter!
Everyone would hate it sooo much, they wouldn't use Peanut Butter in Eden!
He brought it before God and his board of trustees, and they vomited.
They immediately decided to pick a new bearer of this knowledge, and chose a tree.
(an apple tree at that)
And that's why nobody should EVER touch creamy peanut butter.
NOTE:
if you want this re-written to match your personal beliefs, church, doctrines, religion, etc,
the cost is a mere fiver.
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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 92 11:44:40 CDT
From: "Reagen B. Ward" <ward@maestro.srcc.lsu.edu>
Message-Id: <9208111644.AA15479@maestro.srcc.lsu.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: the coyote
everyone has seen in the cartoons:
Wile E. Coyote
Supra-Genius
is this merely a hint that the is a member of the Con?
surely our beloved coyote is not a pink! (we hope)
Reagen B. Ward
High Pope of the 23rd Church and Synagogue of the Jewish Catholic SubGenius
Bulldadartist, Social Engineer
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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 92 19:55:52 PDT
From: Chuck Shepherd <cshepherd@igc.apc.org>
Message-Id: <9208120255.AA12450@ igc. apc.org>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: weird news
WEIRDNUZ.237 (News of the Weird, August 21, 1992)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* The Philadelphia Inquirer reported in June on the
local "Silent Meeting Club," consisting of several
people who gather at various spots around town and make
it a point not to speak to each other. Founder John
Hudak said his inspiration was his observation that
people often feel obligated to talk when they really
have nothing to say, such as at parties, and wondered
how nice it would be "to have a group of people where
you wouldn't have to talk." [Philadelphia Inquirer, 6-
2-92]
Compelling Explanations
* Billy J. Sexton, serving 75 years in prison in
Oklahoma for murdering his first wife (and charged with
killing his second wife), filed a $60 million lawsuit
against officials at a parole board hearing recently
for subjecting him to cruel and unusual punishment that
caused him "mental trauma." He is objecting to parole
officials' forcing him to view photographs of his first
wife's mutilated body. [Fortune-Tulsa Tribune, 5-18-
92]
* Ed Stevens, public school superintendent in
Duncanville, Tex., resigned in July after a Dallas TV
station filmed him visiting several adult bookstores
and theaters during work hours. Stevens said he went
to those places (some of which he visited for several
hours at a time) purely to investigate allegations that
some of his colleagues were there. [Columbus Dispatch,
7-12-92]
* Matthew Stong, a George Washington University
student, was arrested in Alexandria, Va., in June with
90 handguns jammed into three duffel bags. "It's not
like I am a criminal," Stong told The Washington Post.
"I scored 1,400 on my SAT." [Wash. Post, 7-1-92]
* In July, Loren Bellrichard, 46, was sentenced to four
years in prison in Minneapolis for sending threatening
letters through the mails. Prosecutors said
Bellrichard had written hundreds of offensive letters
to enemies, including 125 to the sentencing judge.
Bellrichard said he had to write the letters so he
could be arrested and start an investigation of the
federal prison system. (He promised to share his
findings with the government.) [Minneapolis Star-
Tribune, 8-1-92]
Uh-Oh
* In June, the student-written newspaper at the Parker
elementary school in Billerica, Mass., published an
article, "15 Ways to Kill Your Sister" (e.g., "Drop her
off the top of a building"). The paper is supervised
by a female teacher with 20 years' experience, who
reportedly thought the story was very creative. [Boston
Herald, 6-9-92]
* A Dallas, Tex., grand jury decided in June not to
indict the five police officers who arrested Roberto
Longorio for firing a shotgun into his ex-girlfriend's
home. After chasing Longorio's truck through the
streets for 25 minutes, the officers shot Longorio nine
times, firing a total of 116 shots at him. [Dallas
Morning News, Jun92]
* Terry Dewayne Shutters, 28, admitted to police in
February that he is the man who threw human feces on
pedestrians from his station wagon in two drive-by
incidents in Chattanooga, Tenn. Said a police
detective, "[Shutters] said he was drinking beer and
just thought about doing it. He rode around for about
15 minutes looking for somebody to throw it on." He
said Shutters blamed his behavior on the fact that he
once had feces thrown on him when he was young.
[Chattanooga Times, 2-15-92]
* Police tried to prevent the ceremonial opening in
January of the religious festival of St. Vincent near
Manganeses de la Polvorosa, Spain, which calls for
dropping a live goat from a church belfry. Even though
the goat falls to a tarpaulin and walks away safely,
animal rights activists had obtained an injunction
calling for a $5,000 fine per goat dropped. In
retaliation for the injunction, the 1,300 townspeople
attacked police and the journalists who had descended
upon the festival. [Baton Rouge Advocate, 1-26-92]
* A man and woman living near Peshawar, Pakistan, were
executed in June by the man's father according to
custom, because they lived together without benefit of
marriage. A statement released by the local village
council read, "The couple was executed so that nobody
dare indulge in such activities in the future."
[Wilmington, N. C., Morning Star, 6-30-92]
* The Florida Board of Medicine suspended the practice
of Dr. Suzanne Peoples in June, declaring her
delusional. The Board found that Peoples believes all
illness is caused by a micro-organism that is treatable
by vitamins and sessions with an "ion machine," which
looks like a hair dryer with a red light bulb on it.
[St. Petersburg Times, 6-7-92]
The Weirdo-American Community
* A Belvidere, Tenn., man was jailed recently on
charges that he harassed his estranged wife. According
to Winchester, Tenn., police, the man held his wife at
knifepoint in her kitchen and forced her to remove her
blouse and pour ketchup and mustard over herself.
[[Shelbyville Times-Gazette, Jul92]]
Least Competent Person
* Ron Vanname, 21, was sentenced to a week in jail in
Fort Myers, Fla., in July after pleading no contest to
making an obscene phone call. Vanname made the call to
the local 911 number, all calls to which automatically
show the caller's address. Squad cars surrounded him
while he was still in the phone booth. [St. Petersburg
Times-AP, 7-12-92]
The Diminishing Value of Life
* Thomas Hall, 57, was convicted of manslaughter in
Nashville, Tenn., in April in the 1991 shooting death
of his brother Howard. According to the prosecutor,
Thomas, who had just mopped the kitchen floor, became
upset when Howard tracked in mud from the outside.
Thomas yelled at Howard, and both men ran for their
guns. [The Tennessean, 4-8-92]
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End of Subgenius Digest
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