Today's Topics:
news of the weird
Oedipus, King (of the Road)
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Date: Tue, 19 Jan 93 20:36:09 PST
From: Chuck Shepherd <cshepherd@igc.apc.org>
Message-Id: <9301200436.AA19030@igc.apc.org>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: news of the weird
WEIRDNUZ.260 (News of the Weird, January 29, 1993)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* In December, Archie Johnston, 18, became the youngest
person ever to head a Ku Klux Klan group when he took
over as imperial wizard of the Independent Knights of
the KKK in Orlando, Fla. He says his dad "is totally
against it" but that his mom "trusts" him to do a good
job. [St. Petersburg Times, 12-15-92]
The Continuing Crisis
* In November, a St. Louis judge accepted a guilty plea
from rock star Axl Rose to settle assault and property
damage charges, permitting Rose an unusual privilege
for a convicted criminal: He would not be totally
forbidden from associating with ex-felons. That
provision was important to Rose because two of the
members of his Guns N' Roses band are ex-felons. [St.
Louis Post-Dispatch, 11-10-92]
* In July, three trained dolphins escaped from their
performing pen at an exclusive resort in Key Largo,
Fla., and swam away. They were found several days
later in a lagoon by a golf course on Key Biscayne,
Fla., where, on their own, they showed up at 10 a.m., 2
p.m., and 4 p.m. (the same times as the Key Largo
shows), and performed tricks, apparently hoping to be
fed. [Baltimore Sun, 7-29-92]
* Police in Portland, Maine, told the Associated Press
in December that they have been unable to catch the
person who has defaced about 2,000 cars in the city
over the last ten years by spraying them with acid. A
city crime analyst, noting that most vandals escalate
their attacks rather than stick with the same method,
wondered, "How could anyone do this for a decade and
not get bored?" [New York Times-AP, 12-6-92]
* The Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal reported in November
that Michele Straka was released from a local alcohol
treatment center, thus becoming what is believed to be
the nation's youngest such graduate. Michele, 11, told
a reporter, "I was into some pretty heavy stuff."
[Athens Messenger-AP, 11-30-92]
* In October, Switzerland apologized to Liechtenstein
for its army's invasion of the country a few days
earlier. Swiss army recruits on maneuvers asked a
resident near the town of Triesenberg if they could set
up an observation post in her garage, but later
discovered that Triesenberg is just outside Swiss
territory. The woman alerted local police, who asked
the soldiers to move on. [Los Angeles Times-Reuters,
10-18-92]
* Recently, parents of a Colorado teenager announced
they would sue the local school system for failing to
alert them that their son's creative writing papers
revealed his emotional problems. In one example cited
by the Denver Post, the boy wrote a story about a man's
vicious torture of a woman, concluding that now the man
"was in control" and "had the power." However, the
teacher merely marked the paper "C-minus," commenting,
"No focus! . . . (You're missing the point of this.)"
Shortly after he submitted the paper, the boy sexually
assaulted two stepbrothers. [Denver Post, Nov92]
* Mr. M. K. O. Abiola, chief of Nigeria's Yoruba tribe,
answering a divorce lawsuit in a New York City
courtroom in June, denied a woman's claim that she was
one of his 26 wives. He contended that he had only
four wives but said she was one of his 18 concubines.
The woman is represented by palimony lawyer Marvin
Mitchelson. [Chicago Tribune, Jun92]
* In Omaha, Lela Schaecher gave birth to a girl on
November 20, the same day on which her twin sister,
Lisa, also gave birth to a girl. Lisa has the same
last name as Lela because both women married men named
Schaecher, who are first cousins. [St. Louis Post-
Dispatch-AP, 11-27-92]
* Joseph W. Charles, 82, retired in October from his
"job" as the Waving Man in Berkeley, Calif. He
stationed himself in his front yard daily during
morning rush hour for the last 30 years and waved to
motorists. [Akron Beacon Journal-AP, 10-8-92]
* The Legal Aid Society of Santa Clara County, Calif.,
charged in October that the man who has portrayed Koo-
Koo the Klown ["Kiddies' Favorite Entertainer"] at
birthday parties in the area for nearly 30 years
routinely violates state law at the apartment complex
he owns by not renting to tenants with children. [San
Jose Mercury News, Oct92]
* Pacific News Service reported in June that female
temperance patrols in India's northeast state of
Manipur have been successful in curtailing males'
drinking problems, which, they say, lead to wife-
beating and unemployment. The patrols destroy local
stills and then capture men who were drinking, tie them
naked to a donkey, and parade them through the local
villages, where they are encouraged to promise never to
drink again. The patrol now has 30,000 female members.
[Pacific News Service-Washington Post, 6-12-92]
The Weirdo-American Community
* University of California at Berkeley "environmental
psychologist" Clare Cooper Marcus recently started a
counseling service for people having difficult
relationships with their houses. For $100, she will
spend an hour conducting role-playing sessions between
the client and his or her house. Dr. Marcus says that
having the client voice anxieties to the house, and
having the house respond, usually begins relieving the
client's stress within the first hour. [Atlanta
Journal-Constitution, Dec92]
Least Competent People
* In December near Mineral Wells, Tex., three men who
were attempting to steal copper wire off live
electrical lines for resale were electrocuted. Copper
wiring is a valuable scrap metal in Texas but is
usually stolen from electric cables that are not being
used. [Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 1-1-93]
Inexplicable
* At least 18 people were arrested around Manila in the
Philippines on December 27 for deflating automobile
tires for religious reasons. Followers of "The
Reserved Manpower Of The Good Wisdom For All Nations"
religion said it was "God's order" to let out air.
Said one, "Air is from God. This is the solution to
the crisis in our country." [Huntsville Times-AP, 12-
28-92]
END
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Date: Tue, 19 Jan 93 10:28:36 -0500
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9301191528.AA14578@hemlock>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Oedipus, King (of the Road)
OEDIPUS THE KING (OF THE ROAD)
by Daniel Nussbaum. Nussbaum has retold the story of Oedipus
using 154 of the more than 1 million California personalized
license plates registered with the state's Motor Vehicles
Bureau. This story is one of thirteen that Nussbaum has
compiled in Literary License, a collection that includes
retellings of the Book of Genesis, The Metamorphosis, and
The Joy of Sex. Nussbaum, a movie-location scout and free-
lance writer, lives in Los Angeles.
ONCEPON ATIME LONG AGO IN THEBES IMKING.
OEDIPUS DAKING. LVMYMRS. LVMYKIDS.
THEBENS THINK OEDDY ISCOOL. NOPROBS.
OKAY MAYBE THEREZZ 1LITL1. MOTHER WHERERU?
WHEREAT MYDAD? NOCALLZ NEVER. HAVENOT ACLUE.
INMYMND IWNDER WHOAMI? IMUST FINDEM.
JO MYWIFE GOES, "OED DONT USEE? WERHAPI NOW LETITB."
IGO "NOWAY. IAMBOSS. DONTU TELLME MYLIFE.
INEED MYMOM. II WILLL FINDHER. FIND BOTHOF THEM."
SOI START SEEKING DATRUTH ABOUT WHO IAM.
ITGOEZ ULTRAAA SLOWE. THE SPHYNXS RIDDLE
WAS ACINCH BUT NOTTHIZ.
SUDNLEE WEHEAR SHOCKING NEWS. WHEN IWASA TINY1
THISGR8 4SEER SED IWOOD OFF MY ROYAL OLDMAN
THEN MARREE MYMAMA. SICKO RUBBISH, NESTPAS?
WHOWHO COUDBE SOGONE? STIL MOMNDAD
SENT MEEEEE AWAY. MEE ABABI AWAAAY.
NOWWWWW GETTHIZ. MANY MOONS GOBY.
I MEET THISGUY ONATRIP. WEDOO RUMBLE.
WHOKNEW? ILEFTMY POP ONE DEDMAN.
UGET DAFOTO. MAJR TSURIS. JOJO MYHONEE, MYSQEEZ,
MYLAMBY, MIAMOR, MYCUTEE.
JOJOY IZZ MYMOMMY.
YEGODS WHYMEE? YMEYYME? LIFSUX.
IAMBAD, IAMBADD, IMSOBAD.
STOPNOW THISS HEDAKE. THIS FLESH DUZ STINK.
ITZ 2MUCH PAYNE 4ONE2C.
TAKEGOD MYEYES!
AIEEEEE!
This was from Desperado:
CONTRIBUTIONS TO RAGMOP::T_PARMENTER
[t_parmenter@ragmop.enet.dec.com]
SUBSCRIPTION REQUESTS TO COVERT::DESPERADO-REQUEST
[desperado-request@covert.enet.dec.com]
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Powerful enough to suck prairie dogs from their holes, but gentle all the same.
Not an official publication. Forward with daring and whimsy. Circle the earth.
Should you rip something off from here, be a sport and rip this header off too.
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End of Subgenius Digest
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