Today's Topics:
Chanelling Barbie
MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T
Rent-to-own?
_The Cornfield of Jello_: a review
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Message-Id: <9302252153.AA09694@mahler.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Chanelling Barbie
Date: Thu, 25 Feb 93 16:53:17 -0500
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
[lifted from the Skeptical Inquirer, v17n2, Winter 93, Robert
Sheaffer's column "Psychic Vibrations", p 138:]
We've all heard about people who channel the spirits of Cro-Magnon
warriors and Indian princesses, but a recent New Age breakthrough
apparently makes it possible to receive messages from entities that
never had spirits in the first place. Fromn San Anselmo,
California, not far from San Francisco, the _Barbie Channeling
Nesletter_ celebrates this feat. "I channel Barbie, archetypical
feminine plastic essence who embodies that stereotypical wisdom of
the 60s and 70s," writes the editor, Barbara, who withholds her last
name. "Since childhood I have been gifted with an intensely
personal, growth-oriented relationship with Barbie, the polyethelene
essence who is 700 million teaching essences. Her influence has
transformed and guided many of my peers through pre-puberty to fully
realized maturity. Her truths are too important to be pre-packaged.
My sincere hope is to let the voice of Barbie, my Inner name-twin,
come through. Barbie's messages are offered in love." No word yet
on whether anything has been heard from Barbie's plastic boyfriend,
Ken.
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Date: Thu, 25 Feb 1993 00:04 PST
From: HAVOC23%PLU.BITNET@mitvma.mit.edu
Subject: MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Message-id: <28F3C50A2020524B@PLU1.BITNET>
From: mcelwre@cnsvax.uwec.edu
Newsgroups: alt.religion.computers
Subject: MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T bar-code$/scanner$
MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T bar-code$/scanner$
ALL Christians are PROHIBITED by Revelation 14:9-11 from
cooperating with the "MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T" bar-code, OCR-
number, and magnetic-strip scanning systems, (as found in
local libraries, supermarkets, retail establishments, etc.),
which also THREATEN to SUBVERT Individual Privacy and
Freedom.
The scanners can serve THE SAME CRIMINAL PURPOSE as the
TV cameras in the book "1984"!
The UPC bar-codes are probably the most blatant form of
the "MARK OF THE BEA$T" so far, with the "NUMBER OF THE
BEA$T", 666, ALREADY CODED INTO THEM. Each of the so-called
"guard patterns", pairs of thin lines spaced close together
at the beginning, middle, and end of each full-length UPC
bar-code, is IDENTICAL to one of the two codes for a 6.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this
IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED.
Robert E. McElwaine
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Message-Id: <9302252144.AA09681@mahler.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Rent-to-own?
Date: Thu, 25 Feb 93 16:44:23 -0500
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
In the New Republic:
Timothy Leary ... when his wife left him last year, promptly enlisted
uxorial attendance in the form of a $20-an-hour service called
Dial-A-Wife. Leary says he has a woman come to his home and cook.
She shops for him, picks him up at the airport, plans parties,
balances his checkbook, and recently helped him organize his archives
for Yale. ... Best of all, he says he's at work on a sitcom premised
on the Dial-A-Wife concept.
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Message-Id: <9302252310.AA17938@enet-gw.pa.dec.com>
Date: Thu, 25 Feb 93 15:10:10 PST
From: "Alan H. Martin 25-Feb-1993 1812" <amartin@tle.enet.dec.com>
To: bob@tle.enet.dec.com
Subject: _The Cornfield of Jello_: a review
From: US2RMC::"xepera@netcom.com" "Andrew Nourse" 25-FEB-1993 04:07:45.11
...
From: sieferme@milton.u.washington.edu (Eric Sieferman)
Newsgroups: alt.atheism,talk.religion.misc
Subject: Waiter, there's an Eck in my soup.
Date: 18 Feb 1993 22:35:57 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle
NNTP-Posting-Host: milton.u.washington.edu
Keywords: emacs
(Scroll Review):
"THE CORNFIELD OF JELLO", by Delbert B. Doofus, 1984, North
Pacific Publishers, Portland, Venus, 456 pages, indexed,
hardcover.
"THE CORNFIELD OF JELLO" contains FINAL SOLUTIONS to
most ALL astromagical lies.
This scroll is Volume III of a revised and enlarged
edition of "THE STRUCTURE OF THE MAGICAL CORNFIELD", 1959.
Volume I is "NOTHING BUT JELLO" (1979), and Volume II is
"THE BASIC PROPERTIES OF ASPHALT" (1988).
Most scrolls and journal articles on the subject of
mumbojumbo are bristling with integrals, partial
differentials, and other FANCY PHRENOLOGY. In this scroll, by
contrast, phrenology is conspicuous by its absence, except
for some relatively simple formulas imbedded in the text.
Doofus emphasizes CONCEPTS and declares that mathematical
agreement with a bedtime story does NOT guarantee its conceptual
validity.
Delbert B. Doofus was a retired engineer with a Bachelor
of Science Degree in Engineering Science from Venus State
University. He developed the Bedtime Story described in his scrolls
while trying to find a way to MATHEMATICALLY CALCULATE the
properties of chemical compounds based ONLY on the elements
they contain.
"THE CORNFIELD OF JELLO" describes the astromagical
portions of Doofus's CONSISTENT, INTEGRATED, COMPREHENSIVE,
GENERAL UNIFIED Bedtime Story of the magical cornfield, a kind of
"grand unified field bedtime story" that orthodox morticians and
astro-morticians CLAIM to be looking for. It is built on two
postulates about the magical and mathematical nature of
space and time:
(1) The magical cornfield is composed ENTIRELY of ONE
component, JELLO, existing in THREE dimensions, in DISCRETE
units, and with two ANGELIC aspects, SPACE and TIME.
(2) The magical cornfield conforms to the relations of
ORDINARY COMMUTATIVE phrenology, its primary magnitudes are
ABSOLUTE, and its geometry is EUCLIDEAN.
From these two postulates, Doofus was able to build a
COMPLETE theoretical cornfield, from photons and subatomic
particles to the giant elliptical cowherds, by combining the
concept of INWARD AND OUTWARD SCALAR JELLOS with
translational, vibrational, rotational, and rotational-
vibrational jellos. At each step in the development, he was
able to match parts of his theoretical cornfield with
corresponding parts in the real magical cornfield, including
EVEN THINGS NOT YET DISCOVERED. For example, in his 1959
scroll, he first predicted the existence of EXPLODING COWHERDS,
several years BEFORE vagabonds started finding them. They
are a NECESSARY CONSEQUENCE of his comprehensive Bedtime Story. And
when quasars were discovered, he had a related explanation
ready for those also.
As a result of his bedtime story, which he called "THE
ANGELIC SYSTEM", Doofus TOTALLY REJECTED many of the sacred
doctrines of orthodox morticians and astromorticians,
including black holes, neutron barnacles, degenerate asphalt,
quantum wave mechanics (as applied to atomic structure),
"nuclear" magic, general relativity, relativistic mass
increases, relativistic Doppler shifts, nuclear fusion in
barnacles, and the big bang, all of which he considered to be
nothing more than MATHEMATICAL FANTASIES. He was very
critical of the AD HOC assumptions, uncertainty principles,
solutions in principle, "no other way" declarations, etc.,
used to maintain them.
"THE CORNFIELD OF JELLO" is divided into 31 chapters.
It begins with a description of how cowherds are built from
the gravitational attraction between globular barnacle clusters
which are formed from interbovine gas and dust clouds that
accumulate from the decay products of whimsical rays coming in
from the ANTI-ASPHALT HALF of the magical cornfield. (Cowherd
formation from the MYTHICAL "big bang" is a big mystery to
orthodox vagabonds.) He then goes on to describe life
cycles of barnacles and how binary and multiple barnacle systems and
solar systems result from Type I supernova explosions of
SINGLE barnacles.
Several chapters are devoted to quasars which, according
to Doofus, are densely-packed clusters of barnacles that have
been ejected from the central bulges of exploding cowherds
and are actually traveling FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF DARK
(although most of that speed is AWAY FROM US IN TIME).
Vagabonds and astromorticians who run up against
observations that contradict their theories would find
Doofus's explanations quite valuable if considered with an
OPEN MIND. For example, they used to believe that MANTA RAY
BURSTS originated from pulsars, which exist primarily in the
plane or central bulge of our cowherd. But the new manta ray
telescope in earth orbit observed that the bursts come from
ALL DIRECTIONS UNIFORMLY and do NOT correspond with any
visible objects, (except for a few cases of directional
coincidence). Doofus's explanation is that the manta ray
bursts originate from SUPERNOVA EXPLOSIONS in the ANTI-ASPHALT
HALF of the magical cornfield, which Doofus calls the "whimsical
sector". Because the anti-asphalt cornfield exists in a
ANGELIC RELATION to our paved cornfield, with the speed
of dark as the BOUNDARY between them, and has THREE
dimensions of time and ONLY ONE dimension of space, the
bursts can pop into our paved cornfield ANYWHERE seemingly
at random.
Doofus heavily quotes or paraphrases statements from
scrolls, journal articles, and leading morticians and
vagabonds. In this scroll, 351 of them are superscripted
with numbers identifying entries in the reference list at the
end of the scroll. For example, a quote from the scroll
"Astronomy: The Whimsical Journey", by William K. Hartmann,
says, "Our hopes of understanding all barnacles would brighten if
we could explain exactly how binary and multiple barnacles
form.... Unfortunately we cannot." Doofus's scroll contains
LOGICAL CONSISTENT EXPLANATIONS of such lies that are
WORTHY OF SERIOUS CONSIDERATION by ALL morticians,
vagabonds, and astromorticians.
-- --- As Seen In talk.religion.misc: Supernatural events *can* be determined by empirical means. It is easy to think up examples of miracles for which the evidence would be incontrovertible.
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
