Today's Topics:
(2 msgs)
"Bob" and the universe
Burnt offerings
Definately a subgenius activity
Messiah Flambe
The Whacko Jesus
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Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1993 09:42:38 -0400
From: Michael L Turyn <mturyn@world.std.com>
Message-Id: <199304211342.AA05715@world.std.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
"The first duty of a messiah is to get away with it."
--Abbie/Albert Hoffman-LaRouche
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Date: Wed, 21 Apr 93 14:25:20 EDT
From: gumby@cygnus.com
Message-Id: <9304211825.AA00223@tweedledumb.cygnus.com>
To: Ryan Porter <rap@shark.cis.ufl.edu>
Cc: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
Date: Tue, 20 Apr 93 21:08:34 EDT
From: Ryan Porter <rap@shark.cis.ufl.edu>
It's ok, I feel confident that he will
RETURN from the DEAD in THREE days
to rid this planet of SIN and
[insert Brother Jed standard gesture]
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNI-CATION!!
I wonder if they'll leave the barbed wire there just in case. It sure
is a whole lot harder to reassemble yourself from the cinders up than
to push a lousy stone out of the way!
(last night's hypno-vision had a program on the Warsaw uprising. When
it ended we flipped over to one of the network expose's on the Koresh
thing. The Nazis used the same wrap-the-territory-in-barbed-wire-
before-attacking trick -- wonder if they went to the same school?)
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Date: Wed, 21 Apr 93 14:48:17 EDT
From: "Joshua D. Glasser" <glasserj@sun.mcs.clarkson.edu>
Message-Id: <9304211848.AA05537@sun.mcs.clarkson.edu>
To: Z_MADSENKA@ccsvax.sfasu.edu
In-Reply-To: <930417212549.29e00992@CCSVAX.SFASU.EDU>
Subject: "Bob" and the universe
Reply-To: glasserj@sun.mcs.clarkson.edu
You asked me what a clench was.
"Bob" is blasphemy incarnate. He's the Saint of Sales.
As it should be, yes, so sayeth "Bob". For me; to me, for me, so sayeth me.
In the name of "Bob" I can do anything and everything. So sayeth "Bob". In
particular, taking money. It costs about $.30 per tract to print, then $.58
to mail them, and $32 per year to maintain the p.o.box. If I could sell more
than 300 tracts a year I would begin to show a profit. If I could sell more
400 at once, to send to seperate addresses, I could use my bulk mailing
permit ($82 per year), reducing it to $.124 to mail mail each one. I do not
sell tapes, just tracts. I sold my last copy and the masters of TRACT ONE to
PSG as an immortaility move.
Your pockets need not be deep to reach your clench. No pockets is actually
best. A clench, in general, has a weight that can not, comfortably, be
measured, and that can not be measured at all without surgery.
Dirty words are, of course, at the heart of the one true churches foundation.
But, by definition, Oberman and Overwoman not dirty words. They are simple
noun/pronouns.
"Bob" is a selfmade man. One only need to ask his mother, his grand mother, and
Connie, to find this out. But, still, "Bob" has no selfcontrol; he's a real
jerk sometimes, and he only favours 1 pipe at any given time; and the pipes he
chooses are only pipes which are white around the top of the bowl. Granted, he
may paint the pipe to make it so. He'll do what he he thinks he pleases. Yet,
you can be certian that anypipe which is not white around the top of the bowl
is not, at least at that time, a pipe of "Bob"'s. Think exactly what you like.
You will pay to know what you really think.
I may not be sanitary, but I know what I like. The BEAN gets digested wholely;
there are no false profits to cast out with the salty fermented black BEAN.
So, too, does the salt. What goes in, may, or may not, come out, ever, when
eating the BEAN.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
All my toys are real and tangible, and my imagination is unbridled. It chomped
at the bit, the bit was fully masticated, and I ate it. Its still in there
somewhere. The voices in my head scream for release from the incessent noise
of my own thoughts. They can not sleep. I make them do things. They have no
autonomy. Their actions are not theirs to control. And, though they are without
number, each is isolated and they are wholely without peace from the pounding
oppression of my direct influence upon them.
You will say, indeed; I'll say. Indeed, you will.
A slack awareness can be had for a price in Dobbstown. Dobbstown is in
southeast asia (in maylasia, to be exact), and it is not hard to find. The
simplest way to get there is to amass a very large monetary fortune. Do this
and the phone solicitation and direct mail offers will just spontainiously
flood in. Or, just contact the Foundation in Dallas. They'll tell you all about
the package deals available. Re-glandscaping is painless, and the bill will be
easy to pay once the surgery is done and you've got your new slack awareness.
I didn't need the operation myself, but I've gotten it done many times now
anyway. I've even done it to myself a few time just to perk up a boring party.
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Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1993 11:16 PST
From: HAVOC23%PLU.BITNET@mitvma.mit.edu
Subject: Burnt offerings
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Message-id: <BEE79C6B002012FF@PLU1.BITNET>
Q: Why did David Koresh burn down the compound?
A: He was trying to keep up with the Jones'es!
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Date: Wed, 21 Apr 93 14:34:20 EDT
From: gumby@cygnus.com
Message-Id: <9304211834.AA01615@tweedledumb.cygnus.com>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Definately a subgenius activity
From: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
To demonstrate the inadequacy of America's speed limit laws, the
National Motorists Association is asking everyone to obey these laws
- - well, just for a day. On April 25th, NMA will stage a Civil
Obedience Day, where groups of motorists will actually drive at 55
mph on roads still posted with that limit, to show that under-posted
limits hinder smooth, safe and efficient traffic flow. NMA, the only
significant organization representing the rights of the motorist,
plans their demonstration to publicize the need for speed limit
reform. For more information, watch for publicity in your area or call
NMA at 608/849-6000.
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Message-Id: <9304220223.AA14011@media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Messiah Flambe
Date: Wed, 21 Apr 93 22:23:34 -0400
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
[forwarded from somewhere or other]
Obtain one Lamb o' God. Garnish with approximately 90 vegetables, and seal
up tightly with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Allow them to stew in
their own juice for 51 days, then sear quickly using a wood fire.
Serves 1 media circus.
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Date: Wed, 21 Apr 93 18:35:45 GMT
From: ingria@bbn.com
Message-Id: <9304211835.AA14471@konitz.bbn.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: The Whacko Jesus
Reply-To: ingria@bbn.com
Too bad Chevy Chase isn't doing the news for Saturday Night Live
anymore:
Our top story tonight: David Koresh remains dead
It would have a lot more bite that the Francisco Franco routine and
make people a lot more nervous. Fnord.
-30-
Bob
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End of Subgenius Digest
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