Today's Topics:
May Day Plans
quotes fair and fowl
(plus 1 message with no subject line)
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Message-Id: <9304231858.AA03419@mahler.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: May Day Plans
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 93 14:58:34 -0400
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
[forwarded]
A quaint historical reenactment, along the lines of this revelry
reported in Frazer's _The Golden Bough_, suggests itself:
The puritanical writer Phillip Stubbes in his _Anatomie of Abuses_,
first published at London in 1583, has described with manifest
disguest how they used to bring in the May-pole in the days of good
Queen Bess. His description affords us a vivid glimpse of merry
England in the olden time. "Against May, Whitsonday, or other
times, all the yung men and maides, olde men and wives, run gadding
over night to the woods, groves, hils, and mountains, where they
spend all the night in plesant pastimes; and in the morning they
return, bringing with them birch and branches of great trees, to
deck their assemblies withall. And no mervaile, for there is a
great Lord present amongst them, as superintendent and Lord over
their pastimes and sportes, namely, Sathan, prince of hel. But the
chiefest jewel they bring from thence is their May-pole, which they
bring home with great veneration, as thus. They have twentie or
fortie yoke of oxen, every oxe having a sweet nose-gay of flouers
placed on the tip of his hornes, and these oxen drawe home this
May-pole (this stinkyng idol, rather), which is covered all over
with floures and hearbs, bound round about with strings, from the
top to the bottome, and sometime painted with variable colours, with
two or three hundred men, women and children following it with great
devotion. And thus beeing reared up, with handkercheefs and flags
hovering on the top, they straw the ground rounde about, binde green
boughes about the it, set up sommer haules, bowers, and arbors hard
by it. And then fall they to daunce about it, like as the heathen
people did at the dedication fo the Idols, whereof this is a perfect
pattern, or rather the thing itself. I have heard it credibly
reported (and that _viva voce_) by men of great gravitie and
reputation, that of fortie, threescore, or a hundred maides going to
the wood over night, there have scaresly the third part of them
returned home againe undefiled."
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Message-Id: <9304232028.AA10212@thelonious>
From: "The Rt. Rev. Wor. Dr. Y. Foo" <dryfoo@athena.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: quotes fair and fowl
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 93 16:28:35 EDT
First of all, I'm pleased that the stuff I post here is so impressive to
some people that it's actually being quoted. Here. Again. Where I put
it in the first place. (I'm sure I'll understand someday.)
Next, I came across the following in somebody's signature. I think it's
superb. I don't know if the author would prefer credit here, or
anonimity. If he reads this news group, he can claim it himself.
} /\_/\ _________________
} ((ovo)) The spotted owl:
} ():::() the other "other
} VVV white meat."
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Gary L. Dryfoos - I/S-Athena Training Admin. | "Many share my views with
| Internet: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu | me. But I don't share
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| Office: Room 11-311, MIT, Cambridge, MA 02139 | -- Karl Kraus
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Date: 23 Apr 1993 12:10:58 -0600 (CST)
From: Scotto <MOORE7004@iscsvax.uni.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Message-id: <01GXCM4ZKV028WW8M3@iscsvax.uni.edu>
Forwarded message:
From: Marc Kazigian
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1993 16:03:48 -0400
To: hgroves
This is an actual essay that a guy used to get himself accepted at NYU 2 or 3
years ago.
----------------
The author of this essay, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU
3A. ESSAY
IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE
APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE
ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE
REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more
efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban
refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute
Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and
an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended
a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I
play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical
appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics
worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't
perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been
caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New
Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My
deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I
once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and
still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the
exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed
several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep,
I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated
with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of
physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago
I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made
extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I
breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving
competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played
Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
