Today's Topics:
royalties due "Bob"?
Transposed Vowels
What Bob Wants
What the World Needs Now
xtals
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Date: Thu, 17 Jun 93 09:13:20 EDT
From: El.Borbah@um.cc.umich.edu
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Message-ID: <23779635@um.cc.umich.edu>
Subject: royalties due "Bob"?
ok, now i'm seeing likenesses of "Bob" in the film .Jurassic Park.
or is that a photo of Jesus with a pipe adorning a computer at
the command center? "Bob" is omnipotent. first the Dead, then Spielberg.
where next? mogadisho?
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From: Charlie Stross <charless@sco.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Transposed Vowels
Date: Thu, 17 Jun 1993 8:38:31 +0100 (BST)
Message-Id: <9306170838.aa12808@pubsco.sco.com>
Rex Black <rex@iquery.iqsc.com> wibbled:
>> (Hey, let's ship Jeremy Rifkin off to Japan, permanently!)
>I gotta better idea: Let's pray for Bob to cause Uncle Jeremy to achieve
>his desire to live "low on the food chain." So, when he's reincarnated
>as an amoeba, he can eat algae and other single-cell organisms. Viola!
^^^^^
Music to my ears.
Hail Eris, praise BoB, and pass the chamber orchestra.
-- The Child Within [ThePaddedCell]
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Charlie Stross is charless@scol.sco.com, charlie@antipope.demon.co.uk
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From: "Richard L. Rosen" <rlr@panix.com>
Message-Id: <199306171809.AA11709@sun.Panix.Com>
Subject: What Bob Wants
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Thu, 17 Jun 1993 14:09:14 -0400 (EDT)
In the immortal words of dryfoo@athena.mit.edu...
>
> Dear Mr. Dobbs,
>
> I enjoy receiving your Digest immensely and find it fully in accord with
> strict Christian Doctrine as I understand it.
>
> However, in the hypothetical, counter-factual case of my not wishing to
> receive your Digest anymore, am I right in believing that I could simply
> send a message to:
>
> subgenius-REQUEST@mc.lcs.mit.edu
>
> and all my worldly desires would be dealt with appropriately?
>
> That's not so frigging difficult -- I think I could remember that.
>
> Thank you,
>
> -- Mahatma Fungi
But this (sending unsubscribe requests to *-request instead of to the list
itself) goes against one of the most important precepts of the "Christian"
religion, as confounded in the 103rd Amendment to the Constitution:
"No one shall infringe upon my right to make you listen to what I have to say!"
Sending to *-request means that only one person would get to hear how Todd
Almighty felt about Bob; this way WE ALL get to hear it!!!!! And THAT's what's
important!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got it?
-- echo "This is not a pipe." | cat - >/dev/tty Rich Rosen rlr@panix.com------------------------------
Date: Thu, 17 Jun 93 15:13:10 EDT From: Christopher Penrose <penrose@silvertone.princeton.edu> Message-Id: <9306171913.AA10889@silvertone.Princeton.EDU> To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: What the World Needs Now Cc: penrose@silvertone.princeton.edu
Rex Black vomits: > Rex "Working on a book called 'Beyond Self-Righteous > Vegetarian Weanies'"
The instrument of Rex Black's untimely accident: Mike Douglas. Mr. Douglas documents the entire process with his microphone for future broadcast on his talk show: Mr. Black is standing in a Tijuana farmacia waiting for his gangrenous dose of l-tryptophan and Mr. Douglas appears from behind a curtain. Mr. Douglas gives a large blue pill to the male of a baby boomer couple standing ahead of Mr. Black in line. He grins as he asks the couple to step into one of the "dosing" rooms for privacy; they quickly disappear, and our carnivorous Mr. Black suddenly becomes uneasy as Mr. Douglas begins to throw some switches and levers. Mr. Black is grabbed by large mechanical arms and slowly pulled into a large press that appears from behind a facade of pharmaceuticals. Schubert's Opus 161 String Quartet in G major suddenly resonates within the farmacia. A steel box surrounds Mr. Black's entire body from the neck down; the contraption hisses and rattles as steam blasts Mr. Black's flesh. It is difficult to ascertain whether Mr. Black is struggling with this process; his eyes glaze and stare forward wide - occasionally looking at the camera and occasionally glaring at Mr. Douglas. The box unfolds and, unfortunate for the viewer, reveals that Mr. Black's body from the neck down is a continous chunk of cured ham, roughly the shape of his prior body. It could be said that Mr. Black, in this afternoon, has quite rapidly lost stature in the food chain. Mr. Douglas throws some more levers, and duel winches pierce Mr. Black's cured shoulders, and a large sieve buffets and separates Mr. Black's meat into small resaleable portions. Mr. Black, who appears now only to be a quizzical, confused and starkly decapitated head, rides a short conveyor-belt toward a meat slicer. A large corkscrew enters Mr. Black's mouth and quite visibly pierces his cheek. Though Mr. Black hasn't any shoulders left, it could be said that the easy roll of his eyes and his light gasp could be construed as a sigh.
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From: "Richard L. Rosen" <rlr@panix.com> Message-Id: <199306171754.AA10373@sun.Panix.Com> Subject: xtals To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Date: Thu, 17 Jun 1993 13:54:57 -0400 (EDT)
In the immortal words of Chris Koenigsberg <ckk+@andrew.cmu.edu>... > > Guns don't kill people, Crystals do. > Let's make crystals Schedule I along with marijuana and other deadly > substances... > from People for a Crystal-Free America > p.s. of course this means that new Crystal Pepsi will be outlawed too.
Realize, though, that the *true* purpose of "Crystal Pepsi" is to enable you to more easily see the syringes...
-- echo "This is not a pipe." | cat - >/dev/tty Rich Rosen rlr@panix.com------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
