Today's Topics:
(6 msgs)
MICROSOFT AND THE BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
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Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1993 03:19:45 -0400
From: Michael L Turyn <mturyn@world.std.com>
Message-Id: <199307190719.AA26033@world.std.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
Re: frog homogenates and divination: Sort of a cross between
entrail reading and
Ohio Spin Art (TM).
"If we took the 'frop out, we wouldn 't be crunchy...."
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Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1993 03:33:38 -0400
From: Michael L Turyn <mturyn@world.std.com>
Message-Id: <199307190733.AA27074@world.std.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
Q: How can you tell when a Toronto lawyer 's not well-prepared?
A: When his case falls apart after only 24 stories.
Can his firm still bill for the hours until they erase the chalk mark?
Does anyone know the larger context of this story? Was he trying to prove
that his client, the window company, couldn 't possibly be at fault in the
accidental death of Mr. Palmer? "And in closing, ladies and gentlemen of
the jury, I submit to you that YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Did he see a beckoning figure of ``Bob'' outside the window, all siren-like
and krovvy-laden and reeking of promise of some ultra-litigation? Did
Connie herself promise him a rollicking title-search through her underthings
if he would only take the Fatal Step?
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Date: Mon, 19 Jul 93 06:11 EDT
From: "John A. Johnson (814) 375-4774" <J5J@psuvm.psu.edu>
Subject:
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
In-Reply-To: AT mc.lcs.mit.edu:Subgenius-request@mc.lcs.mit.edu
-- Sat, 17 Jul 93 00:02:30 EDT
Message-ID: <9307190609.aa13656@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
>Well, I don't know. Maybe if you removed the >correct< 90% of the brain, you
>wouldn't know the difference (except that your head would be a little
>lighter!)
>It would sure help if we were able to remove single brain cells...
I've been removing brain cells regularly through boozing and I am much
smarter than I was before I started drinking. For example, when I was
15 I did not possess the following distillation of wisdom:
"Whiskey before beer, have no fear; beer before whiskey, mighty risky."
Dirigibles.
John
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Date: Mon, 19 Jul 93 10:51:45 CDT
From: Rex Black <rex@iquery.iqsc.com>
Message-Id: <9307191551.AA25425@qasun.iqsc.COM>
To: uunet!mc.lcs.mit.edu!Subgenius@uunet.uu.net
Subject:
> Subject: did you hear the one about the Toronto lawyer?
A Toronto lawyer crashed through a plate-glass window and fell to the
ground screaming "I'll sue." A woman leaned out a window and caught
him.
"Thanks," he said.
"Will you handle my divorce without a fee?" she asked.
"No!" he said.
She dropped him. Six floors down, another woman leaned out and caught
him.
"Thanks," he said.
"Will you kill my husband?"
"No!" he said.
She dropped him. Three floors down, another woman leaned out and caught
him. Thinking quickly, he screamed,"I'll do your divorce for free!
I'll kill your husband."
"Slut," she said, and she dropped him.
Any other questions?
Rex
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From: "Richard L. Rosen" <rlr@panix.com>
Message-Id: <199307191707.AA03820@panix.com>
Subject:
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1993 13:07:11 -0400 (EDT)
I've been getting a lot of strange messages lately, not all of them from here,
but this one takes the cake. Apparently it was garbled in transmission owing
to interference by Con-voluted Con-niptionaries, but I'm sure it is very very
funny and should be read by everyone or not.
> CILANTRO (MagnumPI) -- Policy said liar demons rating the safety
> of Windows 3.1 in downtown Cilantro had a system crash due to a painful
> boulder and used bayonets to lunge 24 soldiers to their deaths.
Those whacky Cilantroans!!! I should admit, I think this actually originated
in bassoon.noise.oyvay, whatever THAT is...
-- echo "This is not a pipe." | cat - >/dev/tty Rich Rosen rlr@panix.com------------------------------
From: dryfoo@athena.mit.edu Message-Id: <9307191939.AA21746@thelonious> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: Date: Mon, 19 Jul 93 15:39:40 EDT
} From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com> } .. } } } Strange, I had not realized the Subgenius Digest was now posting without } a header and using my friend's email address at CMU as a return address. } No doubt the xray spy satellites were shooting beams at that moment and } clouding my vision.
Sure sure sure sure. But but but but:
1) That'll teach to to cover all your windows with aluminum foil, and to wear a lead-lined hat whenever you go out, and
2) I recognized the fancy hyper-meta non-printing characters included in _my_ submission of the stupid lawyer trick.
So now we'll have to track down your friend, carve and eat them.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Gary L. Dryfoos | "The win on auditing was achieved | <dryfoo@athena.mit.edu> | in the OT 6A Courseroom where I | IS-Athena Training Admin. | even had false data stripping | MIT Room 11-311, Cambridge, MA 02139 | on clocks to get me thru!" | (617) 253-0184 / fax: 253-8665 | | P.O. Box 505, Cambridge, MA 02142 | -Sunny Beville-Fish +===========================================================================
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Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1993 09:56:11 +0800 From: Jon.Cooke@eng.sun.com Message-Id: <9307191656.AA14158@hecate.Eng.Sun.COM> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: MICROSOFT AND THE BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
Forwarded without permission of the author, whoever they may be.
