Today's Topics:
Falling lawyers
MS & Illuminati
Xemu
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From: Karl Lehenbauer <karl@sugar.neosoft.com>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Falling lawyers
Date: Tue, 20 Jul 93 8:05:52 CDT
Message-Id: <9307200805.AA00482@NeoSoft.Com>
What's the difference between a Toronto lawyer and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't have glass in it.
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From: RandallRM@mt1.laafb.af.mil
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: MS & Illuminati
Date: Tue, 20 Jul 93 07:37:00 PDT
Message-ID: <2C4C033F@afbmd.LAAFB.AF.MIL>
Jeeze! Where have you been? EVERYBODY knows this.
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Date: Tue, 20 Jul 93 11:43:32 -0400
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9307201543.AA13464@hemlock>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Xemu
See Monsieur Dryfoos' .sig
"The win on auditing was achieved in the OT 6A Courseroom where I even had
false data stripping on clocks to get me thru!" -Sunny Beville-Fish
has inspired me to repost a blurb on Scientology (you all knew the above was
about Scientology, right?) I posted some time ago. Hey, if I can indirectly
repost Gary's stuff, I can repost my own, right? Anyway, it's vital, timely
information worth repeating at this juncture, as all this flooding is no doubt
just Xemu's way of trying to take our attention off the volcanoes.
Eric Haines
"Bigger Secrets", by William Poundstone, Houghton Mifflin books, has some fun
stuff on Scientology. In 1985 Larry Wollersheim sued the Scientology
organization for not making good on its promise to increase his intelligence
(they should have used Gary Larson's guarantee: "Double your intelligence or
no money back!"). Some of the secret teachings became part of the public
record briefly due to this case. Some 1500 Scientologists went to the Los
Angeles County Courthouse to request photocopies in order to keep outsiders
from getting them. Less than three hours after the documents became
available, they were sealed on the request of Scientology's attorneys, who
objected that disclosure would subject the cult to "ridicule, hatred, and
contempt." Here is the book's account of these records:
The $12,100 Xemu Revelations
The longer a person stays in Scientology, the more layers of Hubbard's
revelations he learns. The forbidden central core of Hubbard's
philosophy is disclosed only to those who have been prepared by
extensive auditing. Regular folks aren't ready for these shockers,
according to the leadership, and such knowledge could actually be
harmful to the uninitiated.
The organization charges $12,100 for a course on the secret teachings
(this does not include the cost of prerequisite auditing).
Scientology splinter groups have offered no-frills versions of the
same course for as little as $1,500, but this was ruled a violation of
Scientology's rights in 1985 by U.S. District Judge Mariana R.
Pfaelzer. "It's the first time you've ever seen a decision that
religious scriptures constitute trade secrets," a Scientology attorney
claimed.
According to the documents Wollersheim placed in evidence - the
documents that fifteen hundred loyal Scientologists tried hard to
conceal - here is what Hubbard and his inner circle believe:
Seventy-five million years ago, the earth was called Teegeeach. It
was one of a federation of about ninety planets. A bad guy named Xemu
ruled the planets. The federation was overpopulated, so Xemu rounded
up the surplus population and beamed them down to ten volcanoes on
Earth/Teegeeach. Then Xemu dropped H-bombs on the volcanoes, and they
all died.
No, really. Then the spirits of the dead guys, the thetans, all stuck
together in clusters. Xemu imprisoned the clusters of thetans in a
frozen mixture of alcohol and glycol for thirty-six days. (Note:
Glycol, synthesized by Charles-Adolphe Wurtz in 1856, is the main
ingredient of Prestone antifreeze.) During the thirty-six days, Xemu
put bad personality traits in the thetan clusters. When the thetans
got out of the antifreeze, they attached themselves to humans and
infested them with bad personality traits. All emotional illness and
antisocial behavior come from the thetans. When a person dies, the
thetans move on to another person. The upshot is, when you do
something bad it isn't you, it's the thetans and Xemu. The practical
side of the course tells you how to identify thetans and exorcise
them.
Wollersheim didn't think this was worth $12,100.
"Bigger Secrets" has some other great stuff about L. Ron and his buddies
which is pretty amusing. There are also some good sections on the meaning of
the Doctor Bronner's ("Dilute! Dilute! O.K.!") pure castille soap and some
other strange stuff (average amount of cocaine in U.S. dollar bills, who's in
the Nobel Prize sperm bank, secrets of the Rosicrucians and Knights of
Columbus, where mantras come from, etc). Some of the book is not too
thrilling, with stuff about how to win at Donkey Kong and how the floating
woman magic illusion is done being notable low points. The Hubbard stuff
alone made it worthwhile to me (hey, I saved $12,092!). Recommended.
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End of Subgenius Digest
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