Today's Topics:
Psychic Healers
Why the Church HQ is in Texas
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From: The Brown Bottle <ross-c@scs.leeds.ac.uk>
Date: Mon, 2 Aug 93 13:28:14 BST
Message-Id: <579.9308021228@orsun.scs.leeds.ac.uk>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Psychic Healers
Noting a large number of adverts around London advertising psychic healing, I
had the following thought:
If psychic healers claim that they can make the blind see, the lame walk, and
cancers to recede, how come not one of them has claimed to be able to cure the
common cold?
Cheers,
Ross-c
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Message-Id: <9308021755.AA16793@mahler.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Why the Church HQ is in Texas
Date: Mon, 02 Aug 93 13:55:41 -0400
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
<forwards deleted>
"Profiles in Courage" from the Progressive
Molly Ivins
"The seventy-third session of the Texas legislature is pretty
much typified by the following Warren Chisum story, Representative
Chisum being the Bible-thumping dwarf from Pampa who has added such je
ne sais quoi to the proceedings this year.
"The Texas Senate had a rare moment of courage early in the
session when it voted to remove homosexual sodomy from the revised
version of the penal code. All were astonished. There vision made
its way over to the House, where Chisum promptly rose and introduced
an amendment to reinstate the damn thing. The Housies were afraid
everyone would think they were queer if the didn't vote for Chisum's
amendment, so they did.
"Then some scholar explained to Chisum that unless he
reinstated the ban on heterosexual sodomy as well, the law would be
declared unconstitutional. So Chisum promptly got up and did just
that.
"Whereupon we had one of the more bizarre debates in the
history of the Lege, with assorted avant-garde members rising at the
back mike to say, approximately, 'Uh, Warren, uh, suppose I am in bed
with my lawfully wedded spouse and I, like, kind of misaim and wind up
in the wrong hole. You don't want to send me to prison for that, do
you?'
"Chisum would stoutly reply, 'Yes, I do. It's against nature
and the Bible.'
"So the Housis were afraid everyone would think they were
perverts if they didn't vote for it, and they did. Chisum then shook
hands with his ally, Talmadge Heflin of Houston, in celebration of
this double triumph, and the Speaker had to send the sergeant-at-arms
over to reprimand them both.
"Because under Chisum's own amendments, it's illegal for a
prick to touch an asshole in this state."
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End of Subgenius Digest
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