Today's Topics:
(3 msgs)
All you need is SPIVE
government further restricts our freedom of association
help!
Isn't this how the Daleks got started?
last night
The E-Mail address of His Holiness, the Pope
The Great Salty Fermented Black Bean told me all this was going to be
(plus 2 messages with no subject line)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Abiogenic Creation, aka Andy Mark" <andym@armory.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
Date: Wed, 8 Sep 93 19:51:40 PDT
Message-Id: <9309081951.aa15481@deeptht.armory.com>
What can I read to learn more of the Subgenii, and where can I get it?
------------------------------
Message-Id: <9309091529.AA17734@flagstone.intercon.com>
Date: Thu, 9 Sep 1993 15:29:17 +0900
From: "Robert E. Seastrom" <rs@iikk.inter.net>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
> From: Rex Black <rex@iquery.iqsc.com>
>
> Shall we again perpetrate a cruel hoax on the con and torture the
> innocent staff of an English hospital with eighty or so tons of sappy,
> tear-stained cards? Shall we loose chaos from her formless cage, for
> the education of the uninitiated?
>
> Or is the resending of this e-mail now a Federal offense?
Maybe, but the fact that you give a rat's ass about mere Federal laws taints
your otherwise lucid expository with a tinge of pinkness. But I have just
the cure for you. Run, don't walk, to your nearest Internet-connected host,
and ftp away to nic.inter.net. There, in pub/fpp, you will find enshrined a
rich collection of Frequently rePosted Posts, including Craig Shergold,
Internet chain letters, stories about people castrating themselves with
lawnmowers, masturbation with factory equipment, purity tests, and all sorts
of other amazing bulldada for your reading pleasure and profit.
If you enjoy it, send $1 in a business-sized envelope (THIS IS IMPORTANT;
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS!) plus the proof of purchase seal from a 12-pack of
Mentor(R) brand condoms to:
The Rev. Dr. Wor Bar Esq. Memorial Fund
Clench of the Green Polyethylene
First Church of Slack in a Sack
6006 Greenbelt Road # 228
Greenbelt, MD 20770
And forward messages that frequently pollute your mailbox to
frepp@nic.inter.net. Tell 'em Bob sent you.
This message will serve to test for the presence of NSFnet censors weeding
out commercial mail on the net. ANS - the only thing missing is U. Or kill
me.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 1993 21:57:20 EDT
From: tesseract@ufcc.ufl.edu
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Message-ID: <009724E4.C2D9B4E0.5371@ufcc.ufl.edu>
Subject:
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1993 11:27:49 -600 (CDT)
From: voodoo@crashbox.trg.maricopa.edu
Subject: All you need is SPIVE
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Cc: slabo@crashbox.trg.maricopa.edu, gar@crashbox.trg.maricopa.edu
Message-Id: <Pine.3.05.9309131149.A12283-a100000@crashbox.trg.maricopa.edu>
Okay folks, the veteran unix geeks among you may remember a couple of
groovy little programs that found their way onto most of the slackful
boxes out there. There was spew, the bogus tabloid headline generator, and
jive, the lex-based text translator. Well, we here at the Third Rail Group
have pulled spew and jive through Bob's pipe and got SPIVE. That's
right, spew | jive=SPIVE. Better yet, we have even made it possible for
the slackless masses out there to connect to our humble crashbox and get a
daily dose of SPIVE to add meaning to their dull, pathetic lives. Here's
how you do it:
For just one hit of SPIVE, telnet to crashbox.trg.maricopa.edu port 877
(Perfect for .login and the like)
For All-You-Can-SPIVE, telnet to crashbox.trg.maricopa.edu port 876 and
whack ENTER until your brainpan melts into sludge. Don't say we didn't
warn you.
VoodooMaster Yoruba Papa Legba
------------------------------
From: Heather_Eisthen@som-lrc.ucsd.edu
Message-Id: <CC600876@CCMail.UCSD.Edu>
Date: 13 Sep 93 10:12:00 -0800
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: government further restricts our freedom of association
from the OBITUARY PAGE of the Dallas Morning News, Sept 10th, 1993:
SCHOOL HANDBOOK'S SECTION ABOUT SEX PROMPTS APOLOGY
Associated Press
Katy, Texas -- The Katy school district will send letters of apology to
families for the frank sexual references in its student conduct handbook.
Katy Independent School District trustees said plans are to send the
letters home with the district's 22,500 students Friday.
Distribution of the manual triggered a public uproar in Katy because of
some of the language used in the book regarding sexual misconduct.
Children as young as first-graders were warned that they could be expelled
if caught with their mouths or genitals in contact with the genitals or anuses
of animals.
"An apology is certainly appropriate, but I don't know why it has taken
them two weeks to some to that conclusion," parent Donald W. Hart told the
_Houston Chronicle_.
------------------------------
From: Heather_Eisthen@som-lrc.ucsd.edu
Message-Id: <CC617980@CCMail.UCSD.Edu>
Date: 20 Sep 93 12:10:00 -0800
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: help!
i believe that it was that i read a wonderful news item about a man who robbed a
bank and then stood near the bank handing out $100 bills until the police came
and ruined his fun.
in my slackfulness, i appear to have deleted this important note. if any of you
can send me a copy or tell me where to get it, i promise i will stop accepting
bribes and free sex from connie, and will clean up my act and fly right. or kill
me.
as you can see, i am desperate--
heather
heisthen@ucsd.edu
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 93 17:00:49 -0400
From: Eric Haines <erich@eye.com>
Message-Id: <9309132100.AA03099@hemlock>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: Isn't this how the Daleks got started?
from comp.risks:
Date: Sat, 4 Sep 93 00:10:18 PDT
>From: fowler@oes.ca.gov (David Fowler)
Subject: Robot Disarms Man
GREENBELT, Md. (AP)
Police used a 3-foot, 480-pound robot to disarm a man who allegedly
shotgunned his girlfriend to death and barricaded himself inside their
apartment. Prince George's County authorities sent the remote-controlled
robot into the apartment Thursday after police were unable in a five-hour
standoff to persuade Craig Smith, 22, to surrender. Smith fatally shot his
live-in girlfriend Cynthia Wilkinson, 24, and sexually assaulted an
unidentified woman who was a friend of Wilkinson's, police said. The woman
jumped out a window of the second-story apartment and ran to a neighbor's home
to call police.
After negotiations with Wilkinson broke off, police borrowed a robot that
the fire department uses to dismantle suspected explosive devices, said Sgt.
Alan Day, a police department spokesman. Transmitting the scene by a video
camera, the robot at the direction of a fire department technician opened a
closet door. Wilkinson could be seen hiding under a pile of clothes and the
robot's mechanical claws reached out and pulled them away.
When Smith grabbed the clothes back from the robot and began to cover
himself up again, the robot fired a high-pressure water gun to knock the
shotgun out of Smith's hands and disorient him, said a police spokesman, Cpl.
Keith Evans. Police rushed in and arrested Smith.
The Prince George's County Fire Department bought the robot known as Remote
Mobile Investigator-9 RMI-9 for short seven years ago for $45,000. Capt.
Victor Stagnaro, a fire department spokesman, said it was the first time the
local police had used RMI-9 to catch a suspect.
Smith was charged with first-degree murder and sexual assault. Evans said
that Wilkinson and Smith argued Wednesday night after she apparently told him
she wanted to end their relationship. The dispute resumed Thursday morning,
and Smith shot Wilkinson while they argued, Evans said.
[Sept. 3, 1993 The Associated Press]
------------------------------
Message-Id: <9309100013.AA17486@mahler.media.mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: last night
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 93 20:13:16 -0400
From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
The digestifier was having hiccups last night, which is why you got a
blank message instead of the usual collection of subscribe/unsubscribe
requests and repetitions of past messages.
------------------------------
Date: June 2, 1993
From: Pope John Paul II <john.paul2@pontiff.vatican.va>
Subject: The E-Mail address of His Holiness, the Pope
To: phn0rd@student.umass.edu
Reply-to: phn0rd@student.umass.edu
Message-id: <01GYX9BFZW1E00SX79@POBOX.UCS.UMASS.EDU>
Blessings to all of my children;
It has come to Our attention that one among you, who goes by the unusual
name of Snarfblat, has requested Our electronic mailing address. You now
possess this, my child.
Should any of you desire to convert to the mother church, you may send
electronic mail to:
convert@bishop.catholic.va
confessions may be mailed electronically to
sins@database.catholic.va
indulgances may be purchased (Visa/Mastercard and AmEx accpeted) at
indulgance@puragtory.catholic.va
Holy Mass is said and confessions also taken on our live action MUD
telnet church.catholic.va /port=1111
Information on the taking of holy orders may be obtained via anonymous FTP at
church.catholic.va /pub/files/sacraments/holy.orders
and information on the various monestaries in the same ftp site at
/pub/files/ministry/nuns or pub/files/ministry/monks
If you are a catholic, and would like to subscribe to our (moderated) mail
list server, send mail to
subscribe-list@guilt.catholic.edu
and for spiritual guidance, there are always qualified priests, bishops
and even cardinals online via telnet
guilt.catholic.va /port=4444 (or send email to help@guilt.catholic.edu)
We hope that these addresses will serve to place all of you on the proper
spiritual path to salvation. We also hope to see all of you in Our forthcoming
world tour.
In Nomine de Pater
His Holiness,
John Paul II
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 9 Sep 93 08:48:55 EDT
From: "Joshua D. Glasser" <glasserj@sun.mcs.clarkson.edu>
Message-Id: <9309091248.AA21504@sun.mcs.clarkson.edu>
To: mc.lcs.mit.edu!Subgenius@uunet.uu.net
In-Reply-To: <9309071446.AA06307@qasun.iqsc.COM>
Subject: The Great Salty Fermented Black Bean told me all this was going to be
Reply-To: glasserj@sun.mcs.clarkson.edu
Right again, Old Bean! When I paid you in blood and excrement, you delivered.
I am not in anyway disappointed. Yea, they are just YOUR TOOLS. A poem:
Bean, thou never wert Bean, thou never wert
traffic, thy holy spurt SLACK, by bales decending
bickering, thy greasy tool made more facile by debate unending
participants, under thy control Bean, thou never wert. keep it up, more SLACK cant hurt
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 9 Sep 93 15:23:47 EDT
From: jprovo@gnu.ai.mit.edu
Message-Id: <9309091923.AA14296@wombat.gnu.ai.mit.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
soapy} Hey! i didn't ask for crude comments, I was being serious.
How are the 'crude' and serious mutually exclusive? What is 'crude' anyway, you
anal virgin? Out here on the SUbG frontier, we gots dif'rent ways of lookin'
at things... bend over to get our perspective, if ya will...
soapy} I was questioning the idea of perfection being relative, and
soapy} whether there was an absolute perfection, philisophical things, I wasn't
soapy} kidding.
what's perfect? the perfect orgasm? how can ya tell if it's perfect w/o
comparison? with comparison, it is _always_ relative, no?
gary>Only by an accident of
gary>language does "absolute perfection" appear to mean anything.
repeated here for effect, soap.
soapy} Though your remark was funny, it's not what i was looking for.
gary>Are you sure?
I thinky soap's sure, but not correct....
bean-fully yours...
joe
Disclaimer: "I'm the only one foolish enough to claim these opinions as mine."
jprovo@gnu.ai.mit.edu crimson@wpi.edu jzp@gene.ummed.edu
crimson@hotblack.schunix.dmc.com Rev. Dkr. Nick LaRG0, ASC, BBB
Russell Street UN*X Consultations and Development (NIC handle: JZP)
------------------------------
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
******************************
