Today's Topics:
(2 msgs)
bh...
forwards masking
It's completely true!
Merry Something and a Happy Otherthing
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From: Ralph Barbagallo <nugget@genesis.nred.ma.us>
Message-Id: <9312181856.AA10547@genesis.nred.ma.us>
Subject:
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1993 13:56:33 -0500 (EST)
I thought this was a neat little story...
My friend in California told me that one day, at his local Community
College, he was in the lounge casually spreading the word of "Bob" (Bobbie?
Hmm...well, maybe it's just a coy disguise)... one of the clerks in the
Student Union office pulled him in and said (after he had mentioned the
great piped one), "What do you know of this J.R. Dobbs?!" and proceeded
to show him two full pages in the school's computer of defaulted school
loans all to the name of J.R. Dobbs. Wow! Trading slack for education..!
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Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1993 18:27:40 -0500
From: Michael L Turyn <mturyn@world.std.com>
Message-Id: <199312182327.AA22422@world.std.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
Bloody Hell, Burger Hing, Bronner's Hug, Braun Huckster, Burnt Host,.....
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Date: Mon, 20 Dec 93 09:23:31 CST
From: Rex Black <rex@iquery.iqsc.com>
Message-Id: <9312201523.AA11144@qasun.iqsc.COM>
To: uunet!mc.lcs.mit.edu!Subgenius@uunet.uu.net
Subject: bh...
> ...Butt Humus?
My personal favorite so far.
(As if anyone gave a hoot..)
Rex "not a Francophile Processed Ham"
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Date: Mon, 20 Dec 93 12:01:00 PST
From: "D. V. Henkel-Wallace" <gumby@cygnus.com>
Message-Id: <9312202001.AA16627@cygnus.com>
To: subgenius@media-lab.media.mit.edu
Subject: forwards masking
via infinite forwards...
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------------------------------
Message-Id: <9312201506.AA06736manitoba.marcam.com>
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 1993 10:05:29 EST
Reply-To: trevay@marcam.com
From: "Swami-ji B. Jeebees (\"x\"" <@manitoba.marcam.com:trevay@marcam.com>
To: Subgenius Slackmailer <subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Subject: It's completely true!
You might already be a winner ...
* In March a small dump truck overturned in Marietta, Ohio, littering the
street with cow parts. A smaller shipment fell off of a truck on the same
street the following week, running the total of cow-parts spills to four
within a year. Said City Councilwoman Katie McGlynn, "I would just like to
know why this continues to happen. Maybe we need a stronger ordinance to
make this a more serious crime." [Marietta Times, Jul93]
And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut! Alien
cattle mutilations have increased to the point where the saucers are crashing
into each other ... notice they didn't say -which- cow parts? I betcha a
twenny it weren't RUMP STEAK ... second helpings of prarie oysters and lapin
de la rue, anyone?
* In April, Merriam, Kan., District Attorney Paul Morrison said the body of
a man who committed suicide went undetected for three days in a bathroom of
a house that was being shown by a realtor. Apparently, neither the realtor
nor prospective buyers were interested in looking inside that particular
bathroom. And over a four-day period in February, guests slept in a room
at an Edmonton, Alberta, motel unaware that a woman's body was stuffed
between the floor and the box spring. [Journal Herald (suburban Kansas City,
Kan.), 4-28-93; Edmonton Journal, 2-12-93]
TALES OF THE BRENDAN BEHAN PUB (true story): I'm talking with this guy named
Maurice M., who's sharing a session with me at the pub. The Guinness is
flowing like streams of whiskey, and we're intending to get poisonously
shitfaced.
While we've only drunk a sociable nine or so, he begins telling me about coming
from County Waterford, Ireland. One day his pal sez, "Ah'm goin' t'America.
Want ta come?" "Sure!", sez yer man Maurice, so he goes off to Aer Fungus and
buys hisself a ticket. Meets his friend, sez, "Ah'm leavin' fur Boston on
Thursday!" Friend sez, "Oh. Well, ah'm goin' t'San Francisco."
So Maurice arrives with hardly any money, no place to stay, nothing. Gets a
room at the YMCA, looks for work as a day laborer, and there he is on his first
day in These Here United Snakes. He's just about to drink a Friday pint at the
Galway House, one of the first bars he saw, when he overhears a conversation:
"... yeah, moved in, an' hung himself! Yeah, onna pipe! Paid first
month's, last month's rent, security, whole gomdamn thing, an' threw a rope
ovah a pipe, an' hung himself! Cops ah up theyah now, onna hill, he was
still wahm when they cut'is body down, see, the landlawd thought it was
kinda funny, he had no stuff ta move in, right, so he took a look and
the guy was jus' hangin' theyah!"
Maurice's beer was nearly at his lip ... he thought "Beer? House?" ... "Beer?
House?" ... and using all his will and fortitude, he put down his beer without
sipping, said to the barman, "Ya hold that fur me, willya?", and charged out
the door and up the hill.
Into the apartment he went. Landlord's being interviewed by the cops, he's
freaked out, and up walks Maurice, saying, "I hear ya got an apartment!"
By the end of the conversation, Maurice is making plans to move in. The
landlord agrees not to charge him for the first month's rent, seeing it was
already paid, on the provision that Maurice not kill himself.
He didn't (he couldn't afford to, y'see). He drank his pint back at the bar,
lived in Boston for two years ... and then I figure that the INS caught up with
him and deported him, because he had no visa or any of that hoo-hah. I haven't
seen him for about 18 months.
"He didn't even mark the pipe, not a break or a bend or nuthin'!", said
Maurice, before finishing this leventeenth round of the black stuff.
("x") The Venerable Maha Swami-ji B. Jeebees (His mark)
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Sign in the window of a Sweedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
-- _Far Eastern Economic Review_, 29 Sept. 1989
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------------------------------
From: redwards@microsoft.com
Message-Id: <9312182334.AA10264@netmail.microsoft.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 93 15:31:16 PST
Subject: Merry Something and a Happy Otherthing
<forwards existentially challenged>
Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible,
low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday,
practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, and with respect for the religious
persuasions of others or their choice not to practice a religion at
all;
AND
a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year
1994, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to our society have helped make America
great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual
preferences of the wishes.
(This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies
no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others.)
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End of Subgenius Digest
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