Today's Topics:
Eek - a mouse!
Music Appreciation (dave barry) (fwd)
(plus 1 message with no subject line)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Mon, 7 Mar 1994 08:33:21 -0500
From: Michael L Turyn <mturyn@world.std.com>
Message-Id: <199403071333.AA12528@world.std.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject:
I always wanted one of those wireless head-mounted pointers because
1.) the guy in the add looked like a PERFECT dweeb, and
there 's a lot to be said for perfection
2.) it will help bring us toward our ultimate goal of making
things explode by looking at them
------------------------------
Message-Id: <MSMAIL.ZACCONEK.4514.1994 03070944 0944>
Date: 07 Mar 1994 09:44:09 GMT
From: Zaccone-Kevin <MSMAIL.ZACCONEK@tsod.lmig.com>
Subject: Eek - a mouse!
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
>>"Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman
>> said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch."
>I have a Mac and my mouse cable is
>long enough for using it on my desk, but NO WAY would it reach to the floor!
Maybe you need a shorter desk ;-)
I tried to show someone how to use a Mac once (it was a high school librarian in
Georgia, all of which should say "Technological Innovation" to you) who tried to
use the mouse like a TV remote control.
"OK, I've seen the kids use this thing. Now I do this, right?"
<holding the mouse before the monitor and gesturing forcefully while clicking
the button with his thumb>
"Umm... I can see we're going to have to start at the beginning..."
Of course, if you start at the end, it's too short...
------------------------------
Message-Id: <m0pdqbC-000BZPC@mercury.mcs.com>
From: Rose M Carlson <rose@mcs.com>
Subject: Music Appreciation (dave barry) (fwd)
To: SubGenius Digest <subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Mon, 7 Mar 1994 19:28:41 -0600 (CST)
ORGANIZATION: Rose's Cat House: We Strip For You!
Forwarded message:
> Subject: Music Appreciation (dave barry)
> To: rose@mcs.com
> Date: Mon, 7 Mar 1994 18:14:55 -0500 (EST)
> Mime-Version: 1.0
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
> Content-Length: 5664
>
>
A friend sent me this, and I thought that others might enjoy it too...
> =====
>
> >
> > Why don't regular people like classical music? This is the
> > question that was posed to me recently in a letter from Timothy W.
> > Muffitt, the music director of the University of Texas Symphony
> > Orchestra, which has gained international acclaim for its
> > rendition of "Achy Breaky Heart."
> > No, I'm sure it's a fine orchestra that plays a serious
> > program of classical music featuring numerous notes, sharps,
> > flats, clefs, bassoons, deceased audience members, etc.
> > Anyway, Mr. Muffitt states that he has been asked to
> > conduct a series of concerts for the Louisiana Philharmonic
> > Orchestra next fall; the goal is "to get people into the concert
> > hall other than those who usually come." He asks: "What would
> > get the average Joe into the concert hall? Do you go to classical
> > music concerts? Why or why not?"
> > Mr. Muffitt, those are important questions, and before I
> > answer them, let me state that I really like saying "Mr.
> > Muffitt." I think "Mr. Muffitt" would be a great title for a
> > Saturday-morning children's cartoon show, wherein Mr. Muffitt is a
> > superhero who, accompanied by sidekicks representing every major
> > minority group and gender, goes around kicking villain butt. I
> > have not worked out the details of the plot, although it would
> > definitely involve a Magic Turret.
> > But getting back to Mr. Muffitt's questions: Our first
> > task is to define exactly what we mean by "classical music."
> > When we look in volume "M" of our son's World Book Encyclopedia,
> > we find, on pages 838-9, the following statement: "Mosses grow
> > and reproduce in two phases -- 'sexual' and 'asexual.'" Not only
> > that, but during the "sexual" phase, the moss develops "special
> > organs," and when the time is ripe, "they burst and release
> > hundreds of sperm cells."
> > Do you believe it? MOSS! Growing organs! Having sex!
> > Probably smoking little one-celled cigarettes afterward! Parents,
> > this could be going on in YOUR COMMUNITY. I think we should alert
> > the Rev. Pat Robertson.
> > But we also need to define "classical music." A little
> > farther on in the World Book, we come to the section on music,
> > which states: "There are two chief kinds of Western music,
> > classical and popular." Thus we see that "classical music" is
> > defined, technically, as "music that is not popular." This could
> > be one reason why the "average Joe" does not care for it.
> > I myself am not a big fan. I will go to a classical
> > concert only under very special circumstances, such as that I have
> > been told to make a ransom payment there. But until I got this
> > letter from Mr. Muffitt, I never knew why I felt this way. I've
> > been thinking about it, and I have come up with what I believe are
> > the three main problems with classical music:
> > 1. IT'S CONFUSING. With "popular" music, you understand
> > what's happening. For example, in the song "Long Tall Sally,"
> > when Little Richard sings, "Long Tall Sally, she's built for
> > speed," you can be certain that the next line is going to follow
> > logically ("She got everything that Uncle John need"), and then
> > there will be the chorus, or, as it is known technically, "the
> > 'ooh baby' part." Whereas in classical music, you never know WHAT
> > will happen next. Sometimes the musicians stop completely in the
> > middle of the song, thereby causing the average Joe, who is hoping
> > that the song is over, to start clapping, whereupon the deceased
> > audience members come back to life and give him dirty looks, and
> > he feels like a big dope. It would help if there were an
> > electronic basketball-style clock hanging from the conductor's
> > back, indicating how much time is left in the song. Speaking of
> > which:
> > 2. IT TAKES TOO LONG. The Shangri-Las, performing "Leader
> > of the Pack," take only about four minutes to tell a dramatic and
> > moving story including a motorcycle crash. A classical orchestra
> > can take five times that long just to sit down. There needs to be
> > more of an emphasis on speed. There could be Symphony Sprints,
> > wherein two orchestras would compete head-to-head to see who could
> > get through a given piece of music the fastest. There could even
> > be defense, wherein for example the trombone players would void
> > their spit valves at the opposing violin section. This would be
> > good, because:
> > 3. IT NEEDS MORE ACTION. When I was in college, I saw the
> > great blues harmonica player James Cotton give a performance of
> > "Rockin' Robin" wherein he stuck his harmonica into his mouth,
> > held his arms out sideways like an airplane, and toppled headfirst
> > off of an eight-foot stage into the crowd, where he landed safely
> > on a cushion of college students and completed the song in the
> > prone position.
> > That same year -- I did not see this personally, but I
> > have friends who did -- the great blues guitarist Buddy Guy gave a
> > club performance wherein, while taking a solo, he went into the
> > men's room (he had a long guitar cord), closed the door,
> > apparently relieved himself, flushed, reopened the door and came
> > back out and never stopped playing.
> > You do not forget musical experiences such as those.
> > I am not saying that classical musicians should do these
> > things. It would be difficult to get, say, a harp into a restroom
> > stall. I am just saying, Mr. Muffitt, that until the average Joe
> > can expect this level of entertainment from classical music, he is
> > probably going to stay home watching TV, stuck to his sofa like
> > moss on a rock. But with less of a sex life.
> >
> > (C) 1994 THE MIAMI HERALD
> > DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.
> >
> >
> >
>
>
---------------- ---------------- Rose M Carlson rose@mcs.com
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 7 Mar 1994 10:28:12 -0600 From: Steve Guccione <guccione@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu> Message-Id: <199403071628.AA16773@donald.cc.utexas.edu> To: SubGenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Message-Id: <9403041530.AA10594@tmac.com> From: Rick Mcclinton <rmcclint@tmac.com> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Date: Fri, 4 Mar 94 10:30:28 EST
> >From the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994. > Reprinted without permission > > BEFUDDLED PC USERS FLOOD HELP LINES, AND NO QUESTION SEEMS TO BE TOO > BASIC > [... tech support stories deleted ...]
My favorite story was from the IBM hot-line in Las Colinas. A user was having trouble loading the operating system. Couldn't even get the floppy in the "disk driver". It was "too limp". This baffled tech support, until she complained about how hard it was to "unwrap" the black plastic cover from the disk.
Remind me to tell you the "warm boot" and "cleaning of mouse balls" stories.
-- Steve -- 3/5/94
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
