Today's Topics:
Business World Definitions
I hate those Mieces to pieces ( + literay recommendation)
ranters of yesteryear
Subgenius Digest
Weirdness up 7 points in heavy trading
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Date: Tue, 8 Mar 94 01:19:26 CST
Message-Id: <9403080719.AA05742@seraph1.sewanee.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
From: "Karl G. Ulbrich" <ulbrikg0@seraph1.sewanee.edu>
Subject:
>Remind me to tell you the "warm boot" and "cleaning of mouse balls"
>stories.
I prefer the heavy, foreign balls myself. @-) (stoned cyclops)
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Message-Id: <m0pe1mK-000BZZC@mercury.mcs.com>
From: Rose M Carlson <rose@mcs.com>
Subject: Business World Definitions
To: SubGenius Digest <subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Tue, 8 Mar 1994 07:24:56 -0600 (CST)
ORGANIZATION: Rose's Cat House: We Strip For You!
Don't remember where I found this, but it's reprinted without permission
from whatever the source is...
BUSINESS WORLD DEFINITIONS
Conference (or Meeting)---that activity that brings all work and progress to a complete standstill.
Consultant (or Expert)---the person who is from more than 50 miles of the office.
Coordinator---the person in charge who hasn't the slightest idea about what is going on.
Expedite---to add to the present chaos but only faster.
Negotiate---to shout demands at one another interspersed by glaring and gnashing of teeth.
Orientation---the process of completely confusing the new person.
Read And Initial---a means of spreading responsibility in case something goes wrong.
Reliable Source---the guy you just met.
Reorganization---assigning someone new in an attempt to save the project.
Sex---the most fun you can have without laughing.
Slight Modification---a complete change in the project's plan.
Special Project---a task that can't be completed by either a phone call or by walking across the hall.
Survey---a major means to create a massive boon-doogle.
To Activate A Project---to make additional copies and to add other names to the distribution list.
To Implement A Project---to assign responsibilities to anyone in sight.
Under Consideration---we've never heard of it.
Under Active Consideration---the letter was lost and is being looked for.
Will Advise---as soon as we can figure it out, we'll tell you.
Will Be Looked Into---maybe the whole thing will be forgotten by the next meeting.
---------------- ---------------- Rose M Carlson rose@mcs.com
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Message-Id: <1937.9403081224@seqa.bristol.ac.uk> Subject: I hate those Mieces to pieces ( + literay recommendation) To: Automatic Subgenius <Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu> Date: Tue, 8 Mar 1994 12:23:51 +0000 (WET) From: Jon Wilson <ma2126@seqa.bris.ac.uk>
I was at an interview for a job with Compuserve. One of my fellow interviewees did the old "pick up the mouse and point it at the screen, clicking wildly" trick. I don't think she got the job. In fact I didn't get the job either. Pink shits.
If any of you can get hold of a copy of Granta (an English Literary Quarterly), I would highly reccomened the latest "Crime" issue. Especially good is James Ellroy's "Dick Contino's Blues", about a sex and drug crazed accordian player in the 50s. Highly Slackfull.
Jon
-- Jon Wilson "He Is Set Upon by Adversities; Bristol University, U.K. but He Sings a Song. " ma2126@seqa.bris.ac.uk------------------------------
Message-Id: <9403082248.AA13530@media.mit.edu> To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: ranters of yesteryear Date: Tue, 08 Mar 94 17:48:07 -0500 From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
From: johnm (John Martin) Subject: Today he would work at SRL Date: Mon, 7 Mar 94 15:10:16 EST
The name of Muhammad Ali, the most colorful fighter of our lifetime, just came up, and it reminded me of a colorful poet/fighter from another generation:
One wintry January day in 1917 [the Swiss-born Arthur Cravan] stepped off a dilapidated Spanish steamer [in New York City]. His fellow passenger Leon Trotsky recalled Cravan years later as a boxer "who openly pronounced that he preferred to slug Yankees in a noble sport than to get his chest driven in by some ignorant German." It is not surprising that Trotsky would remember Cravan in such a combative stance, for he was a pugilist -- in the ring and in print -- of legendary proportion. He had won the Amateur Light-Heavyweight Championship of France without having previously fought a single bout, and he paid for his passage to America with his earnings from going six rounds with the former heavyweight champion Jack Johnson.
For Cravan boxing was not simply a source of money; the boxing ring was the stage for his self-dramatization. When a referee announced him, Cravan would spring from his corner and boastfully call out his qualifications: "Hotel thief, muleteer, snake-charmer, chauffeur, ailurophile, grandson of the Queen's Chancellor, nephew of Oscar Wilde, sailor, gold prospector, poet with the shortest hair in the world." [H]is sojourn among the American avant-garde lasted less than a year, during which he created nothing concrete. Yet the avant-garde regarded Cravan as a totemic figure. Raising sociopathy to an art form, he subverted everything that the nineteenth century had held dear and became the Antichrist for a new age.
Arthur Cravan epitomized Dada's iconoclasm long before the movement came into being. He valued physicality over rationality, athletes over artists, and defied whatever was deified. Cravan summed it up by saying "Let me state once and for all: I do not wish to be civilized." [H]e enacted his defiance publicly and theatrically: he punctuated a lecture in Paris by firing a pistol into the air and walked through the streets of Berlin carrying four prostitutes on his shoulder. As [his wife, the English-born painter] Mina Loy observed, he was "a giant who carried the circus within him."
--Steven Watson, "Strange Bedfellows: the First American Avant-Garde"
Cravan disappeared in Mexico in 1919. What happened to him has never been determined.
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From: "Roy M. Randall" <zeroy@netcom.com> Message-Id: <199403080631.WAA17054@mail.netcom.com> Subject: Subgenius Digest To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Date: Mon, 7 Mar 1994 22:31:35 -0800 (PST)
Stoopid User Tricks and Dave Barry reprints? Lo, how the mighty have pinkened.
-- Roy M. Randall, FG | ...but you're not a man, Inconsequential Systems, Inc. | you're a chicken boo. zeroy@netcom.com |
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Message-Id: <9403081708.AA11248@debussy.media.mit.edu> To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: Weirdness up 7 points in heavy trading Date: Tue, 08 Mar 94 12:08:47 -0500 From: Michael Travers <mt@media.mit.edu>
From: dm@hri.com In addition to centerpiecing a story on how Toad Sucking is being replaced by Toad Smoking, today's _Wall St. Journal_ prints the following article:
Statistics confirm it: the world is getting weirder and weirder
By Dana Milbank
LONDON --- These are weird times. In fact, the times are a full 3.5% weirder than they were just a year ago.
That, at least, is the conclusion of the Fortean Times, a London-based magazine dedicated to the study of all things bizarre. The February/March issue of the small journal compares thousands of zany happenings in 1992 and 1993 and declares, somewhat arbitrarily, that the overall strangeness index had risen to 3520 from 3400. Among the curiousities of 1993:
- A trash bin belonging to the London burough of Lewisham was found beside the Sea of Galilee. - Sixty lambs in Germany were attacked and killed by hundreds of crows. - Swedish doctors cured a deaf man by removing a 47-year-old bus ticket from his ear.
The Fortean Times Index (not to be confused with the Financial Times Index, which has been heading the other way) has 34 components. Leading the index upward was the Strange Behavior component, which includes people who throw birds into cars waiting at stoplights and the robber who taped two cucumbers together and pretended he had a sawed-off shotgun.
The Hoaxes and Panics category got a boost from the Chinese city where people were convincd that a giant deranged robot from America was killing and sucking the blood of people who wore red. ``People are more and more erratic,'' says Robert JM Rickard, the editor. ``There are just such stupid extremes of behavior.''
The _Journal_ goes on to quote equity an analyst who suggests people *not* take their investment advice from the Fortean Times, and who thinks the Index is arbitrary. Perhaps there should be a ``Unesco definition of wierdness'', he suggests.
Sightings of the Virgin Mary and of highway ghosts are up this year.
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
