By way of proper credit, I believe this stuff was originally published
in _Anguished English_ by Dr. Richard Lederer. He has a couple hilarious
books on misuse of the language, both domestically and abroad.
I hope you find this amusing
-AlanSalmi@aol.com and now alan@mcs.com
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Ben Liberman ben@tai.chi.il.us
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Date: 23 Mar 94 19:51:32 EST
From: Paul Woodford <72772.2633@compuserve.com>
To: Subgenius Digest <subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Subject: Info/subscribe
Message-ID: <940324005131_72772.2633_FHM51-1@CompuServe.COM>
Have just become aware of Subgenius Digest at this e-mail address. If this
is an open net dedicated to Subgenius issues and discussion, please
subscribe me.
Many thanks,
Paul Woodford
------------------------------
Message-ID: <00592.2847274029.1849@tai.chi.il.us>
Organization: Serious Cybernetics, Inc.
To: Subgenius <Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
From: Ben Liberman <ben@tai.chi.il.us>
Date: Wed, 23 Mar 1994 11:46:23 CDT
Subject: My favorite toy...
My favorite toy... 3/23/94
11:40
Hi all. A coworker sent me this, and said to pass it along. Enjoy :)
Jason Mohyla
jhm@one.com This is my message and not ONE's.
Forwarded message:
> Why the Internet Is Like a Penis
> ================================
>
> * It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard
> to get any real work done.
>
> * In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
> considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still
> think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today
> use it for fun most of the time.
>
> * It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will
> just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
>
> * It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this
> interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's
> hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too
> late.
>
> * If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
> viruses.
>
> * It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too
> much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think
coherently.
>
> * We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
> and influence warrant.
>
> * If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big
trouble.
>
> * It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it
> will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did
> I do that?"
>
> * Some folks have it, some don't.
>
> Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They
> think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it
> gives them power. They are wrong.
>
> Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's
> not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still,
many
> of those who don't have it would like to try it.
>
> * Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
> would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
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Ben Liberman ben@tai.chi.il.us
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End of Subgenius Digest
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