Today's Topics:
SPAM JAKE DAY!
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Message-Id: <m0q5V51-000DKzC@mail.infinet.com>
Date: Mon, 23 May 94 1:20:56 PDT
From: The Evolution Control Committee <ecc@gnu.ai.mit.edu>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: SPAM JAKE DAY!
Yes my little dove eaters, it's Spam Jake Day and if you haven't
sent yours it's too late by now. But to get an idea of what kind of
slacque is infiltrating the headquarters of the pinkmeat:
Church Of The Grody Spam-like Nose Boogers
[Complete with a great letterhead, util-
izing a picture from alt.b.p.tasteless]
P.O. Box 10391
Columbus, OH 43201
Hormel Foods, Inc.
Corporate Headquarters
1 Hormel Dr.
Austin, MN 55912
Fellow Unabashed Nose-Picker,
Join with us in amazing and uncontrollable rejoicement! We come
from all six corners of the hexagonal earth to move our mucus and have
unstoppable and never-ending parties. Why, at the last one there were no
short of four different species in attendence, and we all shared our
nasal products with glee and joy.
If only the scissors could speak of their great allergies! I
suspect they would say something like, "I snip have to snip go to the
snip bathroom snip," after losing to a rock. The ceiling wax certifies
that this is an official beckoning, a calling if you will, to the cause
of what causes us. The causality of The Church Of The Grody Spam-like
Nose Boogers is startling, especially when you pit it against things
like the annular eclipse (timely, eh?) and a fire that happened at a
factory I can't remember anything about. No matter; it's just pudding in
the pie, or -- if you will -- a PICKLE in the PAIL.
My own unfettered dealings with shady individuals like Lee Harvey
Oswald left me with no alternative -- I had to start the church, it was
one of those things that was too high to get over, too wide to get
around, blah blah blah, you get the idea. It was BIG, with a capital
BIG. And it didn't matter how many strings had to be knotted or how much
Charmin had to be squeezed, it was gonna happen, baby! The choices were
do it or do it! I took out a loan, bought a tin trailor home, and melted
it raw. It got pressed into 7,800 tin booger-like holy ornaments, which
I summarily sold at a HUGE profit and that's why I'm writing you today.
LEGITIMIZE US. Give us safe passage through the forests of
corporate law. We're the ones to take the message of Spam to the
BIG-TIME. It's now or never darling, DO or DIE. We've GOT to do it, your
guys and our guys, we'll put Spam right up there next to Rubbermaid and
Pinesol! You CAN'T STOP NOW! It's too late! The ball is rolling, the
bell is tolling, the grassy knolling! The momentum will increase! The
resistence will decrease! White Castles' got grease! JOIN US! GIVE US
YOUR OFFICIAL SANCTION!
The wise will fold,
St. Rev. Ed "Diamond" Acne XVI
First Templesque Church Of The Spam-like Nose Boogers, Holy Guardian Of
The Gaudy Bread Hammer, Ex-Grand Canyon of the Order of Nitro-Burning
Funny Karmas (Sixty-Eighth Circle), Supremely Ordained Keeper-On-High of
The Holy Shroud of Betty-Jo Hoskowitz
- Mark G., O.P. [Original Prankster]
-- ecc@gnu.ai.mit.edu The Evolution Control Committee"Do things in moderation, especially moderate behaviour."
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
