Today's Topics:
(Dingbat thingee)
theartofnoiseisparanoidtheartofnoiseiswierd
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Date: Thu, 16 Jun 94 20:56:03 PDT
From: "Michael J. Tuciarone" <tooch@firmworks.com>
Message-Id: <9406170356.AA03001@firmworks.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: (Dingbat thingee)
It's a lovely (thingy), so symmetrical and pleasing:
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But what arcane code is it transmitting? Is it an antenna for reception
of the Transmissions from the Home Planet? Is it a diagram of the
Removal/Retrieval axis? Is it a yeti's tool?
Yes, I know it's just supposed to be a Bounce Prevention Measure...but
that's exactly what They would want you to think, isn't it?
--the Rightmost Right Most Reverend Touche Irony
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Date: Fri, 17 Jun 94 11:49:09 CdT
From: andrewm <andrewm@mislink.ipd.anl.gov>
Message-Id: <9406171149.A02813@mislink.ipd.anl.gov>
To: MJS@anlpns.pns.anl.gov, Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu,
wtaboada%Alpha.CS.Trinity.EDU@vm1.tucc.trinity.edu,
stucourtnsea@vax.colsf.edu, stumerserjef@vax.colsf.edu,
house127@teleport.com, SLACK@ncsu.edu
Subject: theartofnoiseisparanoidtheartofnoiseiswierd
A Prayer To J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
vocals: Saint Janor Hypercleets
bass: Pope Keckhaver Sternodox
guitar: $aint @ndrew
"A prayer to J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs
Oh Dobbs, canst thou not hear my plea
In my utter 'umbleness
for Lo! Dobbs, I am nothing but a loathsome piece of shit
before thy ultimate and divine power
who smoketh the pipe of infinity,
the pipe of the universe
Can I not be washed in the smoke of the pipe?
Hereth my request that Lo,
I humbly beseech thee, Dobbs, that in thy justice
in thy infinite mercy and righteousness that thou might allow me
infinite power over all other living beings in the universe
And, Dobbs, I humbly beseech thee that I might be
allowed to control the food source for all nations on earth
in order that every person in every country in every city in every town
and every neighborhood might find it necessary to kiss my ass
in order to obtain food, their mininimum daily requirements for nutrition
for that day...
And Dobbs, I do humbly request that Lo!
every woman on earth, without exception
(except those who don't meet my taste specifications)
and those that are over seventeen years of age
be made into my sexual slaves, Dobbs.
I might be granted deaf ears to turn to all other males, Dobbs
so that I in fact won't, how shall we say, in the vernacular, give a shit
about the jealous cries of all other males O Dobbs
After I enslave all other women, and Dobbs,
from the beginning of time, mankind has had a vision
a vision of all men, of all nationalities, of races, of all four sexes
coming together and joining hands, and singing together in harmony
And Dobbs, I humbly request that you just totally ignore this vision
because it has absolutely no interest to me whatsoever.
And Dobbs, I selflessly, humbly request that you instead
by ignoring this vision you'll be able to channel more of your psychic
and spiritual energy into my selfish requests
And Dobbs, if I had but one wish for mankind it would be this:
That I would be able to just blow off the whole "one wish"
fairy-tale syndrome
and instead that I would have an infinity of wishes and I'd never have to
exist in some kind of storybook reality where a guy gets a pudding stuck on
his god-damn nose or something like that
or some kind of bullshit or something
And O Dobbs, furthermore, I request that
Humbly Dobbs, I beseech thee on bended knee
looking up to you as the true and one and only source of wisdom
I humbly request that I be allowed to replace Ye and that it shall be me
that smoketh the pipe of knowledge and it be thee
that standeth on bended knee before me begging mercy
before me, in which case, I'd just laugh in your face, Dobbs.
I'd turn you down even though it was ye who granted me this power
in the first place,
and Lo! Dobbs,
I request that I be able to merge with the concept of hate
that I might in fact become one with hate
and Lo! Dobbs, that the concept of conscience be strucken from my mind
that I would never again be able to feel guilt,
and Lo! the word guilt be struck from my vocabulary
So that I could never feel guilt for demanding any of these selfish things.
Oh just little things, like power over all things in the universe...
And Lo! Dobbs, I request that..."
music fades.
$aint @ndrew OGYR NETWORK PO BOX 53 PLAINFIELD IL. 60544
(saint_andrew@anl.gov) (stumattheand@vax.colsf.edu)
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End of Subgenius Digest
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