Today's Topics:
blabbermouth reveals top-secret keyboard technology
(plus 1 message that dare not speak its subject line)
Random Musings and whatnot...
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Message-Id: <9406241715.AA26105@cambridge.apple.com>
Date: Fri, 24 Jun 1994 13:17:11 -0400
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
From: Steve Strassmann <straz@cambridge.apple.com>
Subject: blabbermouth reveals top-secret keyboard technology
Date: Tue, 21 Jun 1994 8:44:26 -0400 (EDT)
From: FRIDBERG@PFC.MIT.EDU
Subject: Electromagnetic fields (EMF)
In a previous article, ADAMS KATHERINE <m210514@er.uqam.ca> wrote:
->I just read an article about Honeywell 101 EMX keyboard that supposedly
->cancels out the EMF produced by the monitors Has anyone heard about this ?
->First are EMF a real problem ? And is that keyboard THE solution ?
->Thanks.
->Laurent Imbault<m210514@er.uqam.ca>
->
Uhm, well, it was suppose to be a top secret but i guess people
gonna know about it soon, so here it is:
The keyboard is based on alien technology, being a result of study of the
UFO shot down by US airforce in fifties. After spending a lot of
time studiyng alien's propulsion, the secret of subspace drive was
discovered. The keyboard is based on that principle. It generates
weak warp field, wich surrounds the monitor, so any EMF radiation
>From it (with exception of EMF in visible light range) is being send
into another dimension, namely the dimension where all those small
green people are coming from, eradicating them in process. The process
is extremely cheap and easy. The only drawback is the huge amount
of neutrino radiating from that other dimension into our. Since neutrino
can go through practically anything without affecting it, this radiation
does not present any problems to us, with exception of neutrino detectors,
which become overloaded and explode violently,killing anyone near by.
Fortunately they are located deep underground and far away from any
civilisation, so losses are not too big.
So here. I funally get it off my back.
I hope you'll like that keyboard (playing theme from twilight zone)
Mike.
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Message-Id: <9406241335.AA17260manitoba.marcam.com>
Date: Fri, 24 Jun 1994 09:35:52 EDT
Reply-To: trevay@marcam.com
From: "Swami-ji B. Jeebees (\"x\"" <@manitoba.marcam.com:trevay@marcam.com>
To: Subgenius Slackmailer <subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu>
Subject: (plus 1 message that dare not speak its subject line)
On [Thu, 23 Jun 94 11:50:17], ["Lab. - konto Somk-7"]
<somk-7@mdstud.chalmers.se> escaped from a pen at the Mary Kay Cosmetics
testing facility, and tried to write _Hamlet_. Instead, it produced:
> I'm Bobs only true prophet. You are betraying the true faith.
Indeed! And "Bob" -- a name which is ALWAYS spelt with quotation marks
(or haven't you seen how he signs it on your ORDINATION PAPERS, pinkboy?)
-- wouldn't have it ANY OTHER WAY!
This being the Best of all the One True Faiths, it is our SACRED DUTY to
BETRAY, BLASPHEME and BASTARDIZE! The Will of WOTAN -compels us-, lest
we face the STARK FIST of Jehovah I, eee-yada-yada-yada ...! (You can
buy Stang's book and read his Sacred Drivel for yerself, I'm not gonna
plaguerize it here.)
(I save that for my taglines.)
"Hell, you wouldn't want to give your money to a STUPID preacher,
would'ja?"
-- Dr. Gene Scott (another friend of "Bob's")
The Esteemed Rev. Dr. Lab-SAVAK-7 continueth:
> INFIDELS!
Yessir! And some of my best FRIENDS are in Fidel's, or were, until the
City of San Francisco shut down all the BATH HOUSES about ten years ago!
> give my love to your sisters friends most beloved tablecloth.
I shall! It still has stains from the last time I was over my sister's
friend's house! I give thanks for that time, tho' t'weren't
Thanksgiving!
> I lift my hat of and say merry easter.
I bend at the waist and shout, "Kiss my keyster!"
("x") The Venerable Maha Swami-ji B. Jeebees (His mark)
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"Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory?
They are so, and we are so, and they and we go very well
together." -- George Santayana, as quoted by the Archie McPhee
Catalog #18
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Date: Fri, 24 Jun 94 09:31:56 CdT
From: andrewm <andrewm@mislink.ipd.anl.gov>
Message-Id: <9406240931.A02906@mislink.ipd.anl.gov>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Random Musings and whatnot...
Greetings, mutants,
Upon the agenda today, a veritable shocking phenonemon:
Something *real* to ponder about!
Topic: This new bug thing that eats your face away in minutes...
Wrathful creation of JHVH-1
--or--
Conspiracy Creation #XP37-b?
Let's look at recent events: AIDS is hailed as a world wide epidemic.
However, if you look deep enough into who it actually *kills*, you
are most likely to see a pattern that points to a Conspiracy plot
rather than divine retribution.
(for further details, see the Irreverend Charles Tehn's _The Real,
Real Truth About AIDS_. Email me (saint_andrew@anl.gov) to get a
copy) (*)
However, the public is now well aware of this threat... their "silent
killer" has become a well-known figure. It is no longer *quite as
effective* as it once was, so... a new thing had to be thought up.
AIDS kills in 7 years. There is no cure. It does the job, allowing for
unknowing carriers to spread the disease to all the other
"undesirables". But those who are condemned try to warn the others...
hence the "safe sex" campaigns. Or, better yet... no sex at all.
Population control, eradication of the deviants, rampant spreading
amongst high risk groups such as the low income, the drug addicted,
and the young... what more could you ask for?
BUT THE PEOPLE STILL AREN'T DYING FAST ENOUGH...
(and there *could* be a cure!) (**)
We need a new terror... one that strikes from somewhere where we have
to go... *Drinking water*... ahhh... yes. Invisible death from the
tap faucet. Paranoid people swallow their aspirin on their dry throats.
We need water. We need a lot of water. A parasite, invisible to the
eye until it finds itself engorged with blood, in the water...
a new silent killer! This one, a little easier to control: by planting
it in the water supply, the Con can control where it spreads to...
Not so the AIDS epidemic... they didn't count on people just having a
damn good time... But this parasite? Through careful control of the
water supply, the medical field and the EPA (for the "cleaning up"
after the fun), the Con can *easily* control what areas are to be
their targets.
Beware, friends. Think before you drink.
That cool glass of water is essentially russian roulette.
(OR IS IT? I COULD BE WRONG? DISCUSS AMONGST YOURSELVES...)
(*) _The Real, Real Truth About AIDS_ by the Irreverend Charles Tehn
reprinted in issue #9 of Ogyr Network (1992). When you send $2 for
the latest issue of Ogyr Network (3/2 1994), toss another buck in
and we'll send you a copy of that #9 with the article. Postage paid.
Or, just send us a buck for just the article... no matter.
Just send us money. Or, I might be nice and retype it for e-mail...
but then you wouldn't be getting a great magazine along with it!
OGYR NETWORK | PO BOX 53 | PLAINFIELD IL. 60544 (saint_andrew@anl.gov)
(**) Yes, there just may be a cure for AIDS out there called Oxygen Therapy.
Numerous books exist on the subject, check your local holistic remedy
store for copies. Or, try New Age book stores... they're into it too.
The basic theory goes along the lines that AIDS is an anaerobic virus.
It don't like oxygen. So, if you saturate the blood with oxygen to a
level that the AIDS virus can not live, then you essentially purge
the blood of the virus. The thing is, The Con doesn't want AIDS to
be cured *just yet*, so we have some red tape to wrap up this method
so that it isn't being used here.
(So, mutants... put all of THIS in your pipe and smoke it!)
praise "Bob"...
$aint @ndrew
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End of Subgenius Digest
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