NEWS FLASH!
MAJOR U.S. RESEARCH UNIVERSITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT
Special to the Education WOB by John Moore
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively
named Administratium, has no protons, no electrons and thus has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to those who discovered the element a minute amount of
Administratium
caused one reation to take over four days to complete when it would have
normally occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases
after
each reorganization.
Reasearch at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as government agencies, large corporations and universities. It can usually
be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium
can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are
not
promising.
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
