Today's Topics:
BP misses the point
Conspiracy Theories 'R' Us!
Pencil case
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Date: Thu, 15 Sep 1994 19:43:26 +0100
From: Thomas F Steven <tom@fuzzball.demon.co.uk>
Message-Id: <199409151843.TAA02182@fuzzball.demon.co.uk>
To: childrens@bbc.co.uk
CC: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: BP misses the point
Reply-to: tom@fuzzball.demon.co.uk
Dear CBBC
I was watching Blue Peter tonight and I was grievously disappointed to see
that the female presenter while playing chess in New England, America,
totally missed what she was seeeing. Playing chess was totally the wrong
thing and demonstrate the misinformation which BP really is.
In the background while the piece was being shot was a gentleman wearing a
"Bob" teeshirt. The semiotics of the piece suggested to the audience that
chess is much more important than J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, High Epopt of the First
Industrial Church of the SubGenius. Now while not wishing in any way
wishing to disparage Blue Peter, I do believe that the presenter should
have been interviewing that teeshirt rather than playing chess. In fact she
went on to say how everybody played to win in America and generally ram a
load of propaganda down the throats of all watching. If she had interviewed
the teeshirt, she would have discovered that it taught the doctrines of
Eternal Slack and would generally go round debunking the statement she
erroneously made. It would have told our young people how to survive in the
COMING WIERD TIMES. Anyhow, given the BBC's apparent ignorance of the
great issues of our time I include a small piece of available online
documentation which would appear to have passed the BBC's most well
informed researchers by.
Tom.
______________________________________________________________________________
tom@fuzzball.demon.co.uk
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The Rev. Gristle Heavy Analog
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THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS
ONLINE PAMPHLET
DISTRIBUTE FREELY
TO *EVERYONE*
excerpted from the Book of the SubGenius by J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
compiled and edited by the Reverend Gristle Heavy Analog
of the Church of the SubGenius, Santa Cruz 25 Hour Clench
"Time Control? You've come to the right place..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
$$$$$$$^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^^$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
High Epopt of the
The Church of the SubGenius
P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
IF you suspect that things are much worse than you ever suspected-
IF the only thing you've been able to laugh at for the last 5 years
is the fact that NOTHING is funny anymore-
IF you sometimes want to collar people on the street and scream that you're
more different than they could possible *imagine*-
IF you can possibly help us with a donation-
IF you see the whole universe as one vast morbid sense of sick humor-
IF the current "Age of Progress" seems more like the Dark Ages to you-
IF you are looking for an inherently contradictory religion that will condone
megadegeneracy and yet tell you that you are "above" everone else-
Then... ___________________________
|\ /|
| THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS |
|/___________________________\|
could *save your sanity!*
-Your secret wishes can be granted in full- *once you know what they are!*
"You'll PAY to know what you REALLY think."-J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, 1961
NOW, AT LAST! The step-by-step process is revealed! THIS IS IT!
- the only "faith" that promises
ACTION- THRILLS- SUCCESS IN SEX AND BUSINESS!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feeling like there's just no SLACK?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You may have 'snapped' already from the information disease! ("The
sleep of reason begets monsters.") Look to the High Unpredictables of the
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Perfect your subliminal vision -edit your memory- *relive your reincarnality*
SYNC UP! THE SUBGENIUS MUST HAVE SLACK!
Using SubGenius secrets of BULLDADA and MOREALISM you can now
MIRACULOUSLY ELIMINATE COMPULSIVE URGES such as smoking, eating, sleeping,
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painful shortage of SLACK!
*Become a Doktor* of the Forbidden Sciences...make religian a kick-ass
adventure! Indulge in Self-Help through Raising Hell!
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| The SubGenius: |
| Patriot Personal Nurd |
| or Savior or |
| Alien? or Hero? |
| False |
| Prophet? |
| |
| Inspired Madman or Complete Jackass? |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Thought you'd tried everything? YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET! Learn to
THINK BIG! Develop the tricks of Length Extension! Bring your *weirdest
dreams* to rampaging LIFE!
Stand erect for you own abnormality. WISE UP! *They're* out to get
you.
The "different" are being silenced by a global conspiracy. WIERDOS
ARISE!! You probably already knew that the U.S. Government is a SHAM-
something propped up there for you to *blame*. But did you know that the
*real* "powers that be" are not even *people*? That they are actually
shambling, unbelievable, unmentionable, unthinkable THINGS??
YES! JEHOVAH *IS* AN ALIEN AND STILL THREATENS THIS PLANET!
Defy the sinister "Star Forces" which mock us all. Evil demons have
kept the truth from humanity for thousands of years - God has been misquoted
all this time! His actual words may disturb you...but "Bob" Dobbs is a bulwark
against the unbearable fear and anxiety tormenting manking. "There's no
'Prob'...With "Bob"!"
"Bob" is a way of life to *millions* - yet *half* of them don't even
KNOW it! He is the one true LIVING SLACK MASTER with the spiritual know-how to
help you BASH THROUGH the locked doorway to FINANCIAL HEAVEN. He is the *only*
real Short-Cut to Slack.
SEE ANOTHER DIMENSION ON YOUR TV
"Bob's" promise is to widen the scope and nature of *abnormal
behavior*...to explore NEW WAYS of going over the edge *and coming back*. PLUS
to *bring back those who couldn't on their own*...to help you create the
HIGHEST POSSIBLE EARNINGS from the PSYCHODYMANICS of ABNORMALITY...
to turn Conspiracy-implanted personality disorders AROUND and channel them
into an ILLUSION OF CREATIVITY that will *fool normals* and GET YOU SEX!
As you learn more and more reliable, safe methods of Time Control, you
will find your I.Q. increasing - your very cranium will seem to pulsate from
within, barely able to contain the turmoil of glorious new concepts and mental
skills. Soon you'll be able to withstand COMMUNICATION WITH THE *XISTS*, our
*mentors in space*; you will be ready for TRANSFIGURATION into a *new physical
body*, a more powerful one, built to contain the surging mental and material
mutations that your brain now generates. YES - become and OVERHUMAN, a
dangerous and feared superhuman of the future! Yet - because your SubGenius
roots can never be forgotten - you won't be able to abuse your powers, but
instead make them an unstoppable force for GOOD and JUSTICE, choosing always
to defend the oppressed SubGenius wherever they may be!
The world is a turkey, and "Bob" gives you the carving knife.
Fear THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL no longer!
Become PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE- overnight!
Attain STATUS-LUCK-PROSPERITY by *blowing them off*!
When you join this "Order of the Knights of Wotan," you get a mastery of *fighting skills*...good health, an attractive personality,
a WEIRD ABILITY TO INFLUENCE OTHERS! To BEND THEM to your WILL!
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OCCULT TECHNOLOGY of FINANCE POWER...E-Z ways to borrow money - from
*other people who don't have it either!"
Achieve SHEER GUT BLOWOUT.
Our "ascetism" consists solely of the abstinence from abstinence. Give
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CONTACT ALIENS BOTH BENEVOLENT AND EVIL!
The Church of the SubGenius the first and last stand against a
crumbling world filled with Pinks and Glorps.
"SURVIVE THE GREAT CATACLYSMS THROUGH UFO TRANSPORT!"
You too can can be a part of this WAVE OF THE FUTURE!
Make *strangeness* work for YOU!
Thought you were 'ordinary'? WRONG.
Tap your secret Abnormality Potential.
Take control through liberated weirdness.
RADICAL INSANITY!
WEIRDOS: Feel smarter than those around you, but constantly stomped back?
Receive an unbelievable booklet:
a very simple deposit acheives *INSTANT SLACK* at a savings of *$5000*
Unbelievably unusual pamphlets. Damn weird. Totally new.
Send $1 to:
The Church of the SubGenius
PO Box 140306
Dallas, TX 75214
and you'll NEVER be the same again...
THE SPACE BANKERS SEE YOU!
THE END IS NEAR!
COME GOOD ALWAYS!
DON'T LAUGH NOW, ITS LATER THAN YOU THINK!
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From: sao@mit.edu
Message-Id: <9409171847.AA14896@cascade.MIT.EDU>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Conspiracy Theories 'R' Us!
Date: Sat, 17 Sep 1994 14:47:17 EDT
I found this bit of tripe floating around news.admin.misc, of all places!
Let's see if I've got this straight...Canter and Siegel (the "green card"
lawyers) are friends of the Clintons, who are in the same "elite foreign-
policy circles" as Ted Turner, who wants to censor content of the 'net
because it competes with colorized movies...(Whoops! Took it one step
too far.)
Anyway, here rants an54588@anon.penet.fi:
>The Canter and Siegel affair was orchestrated to marshall public support
>for regulation of the Internet and Internet media on the Net, just as
>"documentaries" on television which assert that the Net is a haven for
>child molesters are designed to muster support for regulation of the
>Net. Canter and Siegel are close friends of the Clintons (Hillary Clinton
>worked with Canter and Siegel in Arkansas) and by posting advertising
>in a deliberately obnoxious way to the Net, they were doing their friends
>a favour.
>
>The Internet, with its anarchic, bottom-up structure, is the greatest
>threat to the supremacy of the powers that be today; traditionally,
>whoever controls the means of mass communication controls concensus
>reality and public opinion. The Net threatens this as it makes no
>provision for the powers that be to regulate the content and thus
>to control the concensus reality of the public. That is why the
>Time Warners and Ted Turners and the rest of the media elite want to
>neutralise the net and to assert control over the means of mass
>communications once again. The Clintons, who are members of the same
>elite foreign-policy circles as the media barons, have naturally made it
>their agenda to establish a central control mechanism over the anarchy
>of the Net.
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Date: Sat, 17 Sep 1994 23:06:33 -0400
From: Michael L Turyn <mturyn@world.std.com>
Message-Id: <199409180306.AA14336@world.std.com>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: Pencil case
I have just obtained a Japanese pencil case emblazoned with the
motto:
" Duck Burgers!
Duck's Bob is working burgers shop.
It's very delicious!
"
Complete with a cartoons of a duck in a chef's hat, a happy hamburger,
a box of fries, and a malign smog-entity sucking the brains out of
a frosty chocolate malted. This from the people (loosely speaking)
who brought you the "This book is a friend to Bobbish girls" school
notebook.
(Guess: Either the Church is bigger over There than I'd thought,
or "Bobbish" was a borrowing from the '20's, when bobbed
hair on a woman was the acme of modernity.
).
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End of Subgenius Digest
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